Freshmen Puns

They're always plotting something.

We had just finished reading True Grit, where (spoiler alert!!!) the protagonist loses her arm. She fell down a hole, broke it, and got bitten by a rattlesnake, so it couldn't be saved and had to be amputated.

I said that the doctor deserved a hand for being able to save her life despite the injuries, and one of my students asked if I plan these jokes ahead of time. "Nope," I replied, "they're off the cuff!"

Today at school in the locker room, a bunch of freshmen were fighting over who had released a 'noxious gas' earlier. My friend turns to me and says "Wow, they're pretty into finding out who dealt it." To which I replied "I agree. They must have a private intestigator." I'm pretty proud of myself for that one. I think it might be my best pun to date.

I'm explaining problem solving to my HS freshmen physical science class and I get to the part about the formula, which I call a "relationship". I say that I, personally, am in a long term relationship with my ex-girlfriend. "I thought you were married" a bunch shout out. I am, my wife used to be my girlfriend.

Groans ensued, but the best part was one young lady shaking her head saying "I hate you so much Mr. RichardCranium_"