Classmate Puns

He replied that he was working on "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum and steel under a constrained environment."

I was impressed...Upon further inquiry, I learned that he was washing dishes, with hot water, under his wife’s supervision.

The teacher said it had to be specific

They are all either wearing a mask or their parents are dead.

“Good” he said, “because I’m counting on you”.

I got a badge and a sash that read, "Halal Monitor"

So, before i get to the joke, you should all know that everyone in my class knows me for my shitty dad jokes and they hate me for it and today was probably the proudest moment of my life. So here's what happened.

Ecology teacher: does anyone know how to pronounce the name of this bird?

Me: willow ptarmigan (pronounced willow tarmigan. you see where this is going)

15 seconds later

Me: did you know that you can't hear willow ptarmigans go to the bathroom.

Confused classroom: what? Why?

Me: because the P is silent...

I hear the class slowly fill with groans and "oh my god"s followed by some guilty chuckles. And then, my teacher, who is about as strict and as hard to make laugh as they get, slowly sinks into her table and covers her face. And then she giggles. Just a little. This goes right up there for proudest moment of my life, next to saving a child from a burning building. Except I've never saved a child from a burning building...

My science teacher then said “Abhi, it looks like your head really hertz!”

This actually happened 2 minutes ago

Seems like there's some chemistry happening between them.

He won't tell me what it is, but he insists it's as easy as taking candy from a baby.

Thy teased him because he couldn’t capitalize.

I Skipped pasta grade

Ok I’ll leave

And then I said, “the punchline”. The whole class booed. I think I might succeed as a dad one day.

Me: Oh, what happened to your two front teeth?

Girl: Oh, I lost them!

Me: Well I hope you find them!

I told him that's grounds for suspension.

I said no, we just have good chemistry. She doesn't talk to me anymore.

We are in medical pharmacology right now and are starting a series of lectures on chemotherapies. My professor begins the lecture by saying "Who's ready to learn about cancer drugs?!"

This guy gets on the mic, and says, "I'm more of a Libra drug kind of guy."

We were in lecture hall when his textbook fell off the table, bounced around on his lap for a while, then fell on the floor.

Me: "Dude, your book just ran away from you."

Him: "Yeah, it really booked it."

Before class started I overheard my teacher and peer discussing hard copy textbooks vs. online textbooks:

Classmate: > I don't know, I can't really put my finger on it, I just prefer having a hard copy

Me: > Actually, you can put your finger on it

http://imgur.com/fi5eO8m

Since you guys enjoyed my dad moment in math class I thought I'd share my chemistry moment too.

So we are discussing atmospheric pressure and my teacher thought it be a good example to ask us to stand up to example how we can overcome the pressure. So everyone is standing and I remain sitting,

Teacher: so what's stoping you from standing up?

Me: Peer pressure

Followed by rejected high fives

Her: Ugh, I feel like this quiz is going to cover a lot of material...

Me: Really? I thought the only material it would cover is whatever this desk is made of!

Her: ...

In a science class I'm currently taking, we were doing a lab involving hydrochloric acid. The bottles we had were producing some gas that looked like steam coming out of the bottle (I'm sure one of y'all know what that is). So when my classmate asked the teacher why the hydrochloric acid was smoking, I turned and said, "because he's been hanging out with the wrong crowd".

Sitting in a lecture I was playing with a piece of paper, crushing to a vague bowl shape, which I subsequently placed on my knee so that it looked kind of like a little hat. My friend leans over and picks it up, but then puts it back, saying, "It fits perfectly."

So I lean back and whisper in his ear,

"That's because it's a knee cap."

My classmate and I were doing the old rocket-pen trick (You know the one, where you click in the pen and release it and watch it soar into the air.) However, my classmate was having some difficult grasping the intricacies of it.

Classmate: "I just can't seem to get it to lift-off!"

Me: "It appears you have ejectile dysfunction."

Classmate "Oh, I wanna be the Sun!"

Me "You can't because you're already a daughter!"

Just went to this new class and started conversing with random people, then this girl says that her dad is in Turkey.

Girl: "Yeah, he's a lawyer and travels a lot"

Other classmate: "Oh that's cool, does he ever bring you anything from the places he visits?"

Girl: "Yeah he normally does."

Me: "Let me guess, I bet this time he'll bring you Turkey!"

To which some classmates rolled their eyes and she smiled and said she was a vegetarian, but it was a funny joke. I think I made a great first impression.

In class and my friend could not find the correct laptop charger. My Teacher then said:

Friend: I can't find the right charger!

Teacher: Have you tried looking for the left one?

Everyone:...

All 19 people were silent, I was dying from laughter.

We're sitting in Ecology and the professor says, "Okay we're going to move on to plants now."

Classmate turns to me, "You hate botany?"

Me: Yeah

Him: Me too. Guess we should veg out.

"what does a little bird inside a Computer do?"

"microchip"

"that is a hat, keep that in your head"

"what do they tell you when you live a seed bank?"

"thank you for coming"

"I never wanted to be a trucker, it never in-tir-ested me"

"Do you know why watches leave a mark on you wrist?"

"becouse the time is tight"

"life is like Battleship, today you ate, tomorrow C6"

Really, each joke is from a different classmate.

He asked about it then said they should put it on the apple app store.

iRate....

God damnit.