English for foreigners... When do S and C sound the same?

When it's necessary.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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What did the officer say to comfort the foreigner he was arresting?

Don’t worry! These cuffs were designed for two-wrists.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sonicxwwe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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Mandatory temperature screening will be required for fans attending the Foreigner reunion concert.

If you’re hot blooded, they’ll check it and see.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sierrasport
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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What did the Mexican tell the foreigner when teaching him about stoplights?

"Red stop, Gringo."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShyGuyGamer667
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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If someone told you foreigners stole canvases from the art gallery, don't believe them.

They were framed.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2018
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Bloody Foreigner!

Coming over here, demanding to know what love is!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cheesbaby
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2017
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Finland is offering foreign tech workers the chance to relocate to the Nordic country for 90 days to see if they want to make the move permanent.

If they don't, after the 90 days they will finnish being Finnish

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πŸ‘€︎ u/akodo1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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I don't mind foreign dishes, for example we ate some halal food last week

I think they called it Allah carte

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ledgerdemaine
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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My grandad used to say "If it wasn't for me, you'd all be speaking German right now" Lovely man, terribly bad foreign language teacher.

No idea why the school hired him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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These comments where from a clip where someone cleaning at a foreign range almost gets hit by a stray bullet
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PbyFortress
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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How can you prove that the "I" before "E" except after "C" doesn't always apply ?

Through science.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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1st cow: mooooo. 2nd cow: baaaaaa

1st cow: What do you mean, baaaaa? Don't you mean moooo?

2nd cow: I'm learning a foreign language.

(Once read that in some joke book)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jollyflyingcactus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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I had a friend in high school who was a foreign exchange student, and he always took mine and my friend’s e-cigarettes

We called him the international juul thief

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πŸ‘€︎ u/minimikjr
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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I get it, you hated him 4 years ago ...

... and you still hate him now. But now he's an official resident of Florida and I may see him differently now. I've seen a lot of hate thrown his way, but this guy is a consistent winner and an overachiever. That's what the people who support him love about him. Yes, there have been some scandals. Yes, there have been some lies and maybe a few times he's twisted the truth to make himself look better. He's out there everyday proving those haters wrong time after time. Call it jealously, call it envy. Some people just can't handle how successful he is and how much money he has. They could even be jealous that he's got a hot, foreign model as his wife. You may not have wanted him in this role, but he's there now and there is nothing you or I can do about it. I know it'll possibly get worse over the next several days, but like him or not, Tom Brady is turning things around in Tampa Bay.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eaglehawk2011
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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A queen went travelling to a foreign land. She asked her two ladies in waiting to clean for each other while she was gone, so they wouldn't be out of practice when she got back. When she returned, the two had fallen in love and gotten married.

They were maid for each other.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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My friend started a business exporting artificial limbs to hospitals in foreign countries.

He’s an International Arms Dealer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.

It’s a military coo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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Why are handcuffs sometimes carried by foreign visitors?

Because they were designed for two wrists.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sonicxwwe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
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My Son: Dad, I'm hungry!

Me: Hi hungry, I'm American!

My Son: That only works if I said I was Hungarian...

Me: I could never make fun of a foreigner's poor English...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HumbledGenius
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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German children are kinder
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pogo_hobo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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What does the foreign secretary keep in front of his door?

A diplomat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sandy-bridge
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
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So my foreign friend and I went hunting

So the other day, me and a foreign dude I know went hunting in the woods (you know, since it’s such an classically American thing (I know)). Anyways, so while we’re there, we get attacked by a four armed bear. Luckily, we were able to kill it before it killed us. Then I realized how rare this was, so we decided to take a couple of arms each as a trophy. So I let him, the foreigner, have the left pair, while I, as an American, got the right two bear arms.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JacobMHS
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
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Shopping at foreign outdoor markets

Is just bazaar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Serinitatis
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
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My teenage son came home upset that his crush is attracted to the new foreign exchange student at school

So I went to the drug store and bought him the best Axe Scent money can buy!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingBuck_413
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2018
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My foreign friend moved to the United States and brought his sick bird with him.

Unfortunately, he was arrested for being an ill-eagle immigrant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cany0udance
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
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My dad always tells my sister to not let a boy ever get foreign with her

With Russian hands and Roman fingers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HYPERxNIGHTMARE
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2017
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I really need to stop inserting words from foreign languages with my friends.

Saw a girl, at the bar, told my friend "she's a nein." He told me to head to the eye doctor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/geebsnstuff
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
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My girlfriend and I were talking about driving in foreign countries.

Her: "Urban Italy looks like a bad place to be with a rented car."

Me: "Yeah, I suppose there are some very old & busy cities there."

Her: "I don't know if I could do it. My Dad drove in Greece and that was bad enough."

Me: "Oof yeah, sounds sketchy. Though you'd think they'd have cleaned it up by now."

Her: ?

Me: "The grease."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robcap
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2018
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I guess dad jokes are universal, just got dad joked by my foreign language penpal

I have a penpal from Spain I talk to a lot. Today we were chatting on Google Chat in English, and the topic of whether or not sea lions were dangerous came up.

Me: okay google says "sea lion saves man" has 976,000 results

Her: that man has sinked so many times

Edit: Bonus, she continued laughing at her own joke.

Her: hahahahaha

Her: i cant stop laughing

Her: it was so bad joke

Her: hahaha

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πŸ‘€︎ u/digbybare
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2014
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Went to a Dub night.

Bit weird, to be honest. Everyone was talking in foreign languages and their lips didn't match what their voices were saying.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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So, I hear in Texas there's this foreign car factory which is the only place in the world where they make...

...the Audi Partner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/florinandrei
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2018
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I was really enjoying this documentary about bridge building, until...

Until they started using examples from foreign countries. That's a bridge too far for me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ogilvy120
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
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What kind of pasta is a covert foreign agent?

Spy-ghetti

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChrisTheCoolBean
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2018
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I sent my son next door with a packed suitcase. They called asking why.

I said He is a Home School Foreign Exchange Student.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bobsup
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
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Just realized I dad joked the foreign exchange student the first day of track practice.

*walking down the line asking everyone their name.

And whats you name?

"Lauda"

WHATS YOUR NAME?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodLuckLetsFuck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2014
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I’m addicted to ordering hatchets from other countries because of the smell.

I love foreign axe scents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
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Foreign Math professors...

So my sister is a freshman at college and after a week my dad asks her how classes are going. She says all is ok except that her math professor is Russian and she can hardly understand him. My dad without missing a beat "He's Russian? well tell him to slow down then"....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pancakes4Lyfe
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2013
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An English sports team recently played a foreign team called Real Sociedad ...

Me: "Where even is Sociedad?" Dad: "I don't know son, I've never been to Socie" He was like http://i.imgur.com/EAf5il.png and I was like http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/312/563/05d.jpg and my mum was like http://media0.giphy.com/media/Rhhr8D5mKSX7O/giphy.gif

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πŸ‘€︎ u/marl0we
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2013
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The wounds were caused by foreign bodies.

https://www.reddit.com/r/quityourbullshit/comments/5vemhh/texas_hunters_who_accidentally_shot_each_other/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wolferines
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2017
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If we're sharing foreign dad jokes.

This all happened in french so you none french speaking folk might not find this very funny. I saw /u/OHDEERGOAT post his Swedish dad joke and it reminded me of this. On a road trip a while back, I spotted some sort of bird of prey (means rapasse in french, which also sounds like repasse which means to return) so I tell my GrandPa about it. He says, "you know kid, bird of prey, Γ§a passe et Γ§a rapasse."

He's dead now, but we will all remember him for his sense of humour.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2014
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Every god damn time we're eating at a restaurant in a foreign country

After eaten everything, the waitor comes to take the plates. Waitor: Are you finish? (As in done, typical bad english) Dad: Noo, We're Norwegian..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Got_my_bacon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2014
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Foreign Studies

A phone conversation with father

Dad: Hey t_muld I haven't seen your friend Rachel lately.

Me: Yeah she's studying abroad.

Dad: Oh what's her name?

Me: (Long sigh)

Dad: t_muld are you there? I said what's her name?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/T_muld
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2014
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This one works great in foreign countries too

You know what my favorite beer is?

The next one

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ostapack
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2014
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I’m addicted to ordering cheap body sprays from other countries because of the smell.

I love foreign axe scents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
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I before E, except after C.

This has been disproved by science.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MentatTir
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
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