I got a girlfriend by pretending that I play football. My friends don't think it's going to last but I don't worry.
She thinks that I'm a keeper.
Why can’t any T-Rex catch a football?
David Beckham’s son arrived for football training.
He asked the coach, “What number shirt am I?”
The coach said “Wear four out there, Romeo”.
My octopus got loose in a football field.
It took ten tackles to catch him.
(not sure if this has been said before, but I just thought of it)
Results are in from the Musketeers Football League:
4-1
4-1
4-1
4-1
4-1
4-1
4-1
4-4
My wife has just left me because of my obsession with football...
Shame really, we've only been married for 2 seasons.
The leper football game was cancelled.
Turns out there was a face off in the corner.
Who goes on adventures with Lara Croft but is also pretty good at American Football?
I caught a man trying to break into my house last night. He was wearing football pads, swimming trunks, ice skates and holding a baseball bat.
I said, “Oi, what’s your game?”
Why are football stadiums so cool?
Because every seat has a fan in it.
Why did the football player go to the bank?
I never played football but people used to call me Messi.
Ah! I guess, I should clean my room.
A guy I know just bought a bunch (almost a shit-ton) of soft foam footballs and kerosene...
I think his plans are Nerfarious.
Why don't football players get hot?
What happened when the monster's football game was all tied up?
They went into ogre time.
Saying Tom Brady is the greatest football player in history isn’t just a hyperbole...
What will you call a football club of Chickens?
My friends won't let me play football with them after I suffered a charley-horse
They said I cramp their style
What do you call a stuffed toy pig when throw like a football?
A football player goes to the doctor and says "It hurts whenever I touch my face, knee and elbow." The doctor says,
"You've broken your hand."
What’s a football fan’s favorite food for the big game?
A football player steals houses...
He took all of Patrick's Mahomes.
Why was Cinderella terrible at football?
Because she kept running away from the ball, and her coach was a pumpkin!
I turned up at the fancy dress party dressed as a football.
I was immediately kicked out.
Conversation with my 2y old son: What will happen if the moon falls down? Me: Hmm. Maybe we can play football with it?
Son: Nah. The moon has no legs.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer
They’re practicing for the cup
Did you hear about the octopus that played football?
Some of my classmates after the football match between Barcelona and Bayern Munich
Why is it always so drafty in football stadiums?
Because of all the fans.
Hm. This might be funnier after social distancing measures are safely eased.
I was playing football with my younger cousin earlier today
Unfortunately, I kicked it too hard and it broke the window.
We called the repair guy and, apparently when he came two hours later, the window was still in pane.
What do you call the head coach of the Kansas City football team?
A man takes his seat at a football world cup final. He looks to his left and notices that there is a spare seat between himself and the next guy.
MAN: "Who would ever miss the world cup final?"
GUY: "That was my wifes seat. We have been to the last five world cup finals together, but sadly she passed away."
MAN: "That's terrible, but couldn't you have brought another family member, friend or someone else with you?"
GUY: "No...They are all at her Funeral!"
Did I tell you about my wife who plays football?
There was so much water on the pitch of my daughter's football match this morning.
They needed to bring on the Sub early.
What do you get when playing football as well as when asking a girl out?
Now that Football is back!
What would William Perry’s nickname be, if he played for the LV Raiders?
Fridgerator Raider
Who is the world's best, but un-tidiest, football player?
Two flies playing football on saucer. One says to the other.....
I am playing in the cup tommorow.
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
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