A man recently ran up to me announcing that he was a primary color, then instructed me to perform a modern dance trend on the fourth letter of the alphabet and food coloring.

He said "I'm blue, dab a D, dab a dye".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I ate a spoon of food color

now i'm dying inside

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gay_edgelord
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I accidentally ate some food coloring today.

The doctor says I’m fine but I feel like I dyed a little inside.

πŸ‘︎ 305
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cryvee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I applied a red food coloring to my sheep.

It dyed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOnlyShyG
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I ate some food coloring

The doctor said I'm okay

But inside I'm dyeing

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourTooSlow08
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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I drank a bottle of food coloring..

I dyed a little on the inside...then I blue chunks

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring.

The doctor says I'm okay, but I feel like I'm dying inside.

πŸ‘︎ 568
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πŸ‘€︎ u/patientbearr
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
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I accidentally drank a little food coloring earlier today.. reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_improviser
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
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What do this joke and taking a sip of food coloring have in common?

They'll both make you dye a little on the inside.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ahwitz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2016
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I'm thinking about starting a publication for bookworms who enjoy jokes about food coloring

I'll call it Readers Dye Jest

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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I warned my wife not to put food coloring in our kids food

Don’t want them to dye inside!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Luckj
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
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Is food coloring bad for you?

Every time I eat it I feel like my insides are dying.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mksnicks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
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My Dad told me a joke about colored food...

I dyed a little on the inside.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2018
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Every time I add food coloring to my butter chicken recipe

I dye a little inside.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2017
🚨︎ report
I'm on a weight loss plan where I eat nothing but food coloring.

It's a dyet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scarlet_Spectre
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2015
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The Letdown

A high schooler wants to ask his best female friend to prom. Because they’ve been friends for so long, he really wants to make his β€œpromposal” special. He talks to his friends, he talks to her friends, and spends days planning the perfect moment. Happily, she says yes!

Over the next couple of months, she sends him different styles and colors of ideas for her dress. He tells honestly that she’s always been beautiful to him, and privately to himself, he is now realizing he has strong feelings for her. He knows he needs to tell her.

The night of the prom, he’s extremely anxious. What if he says something stupid? What if she laughs at him or doesn’t return his feelings? What if she thinks he’s a terrible dancer? All of these thoughts are swirling around in his mind as both their parents fuss over them and make them pose for a million photos.

They get to the prom and he’s even more anxious. It’s dark, it’s loud, it’s crowded. They have to shout to be heard. But she grabs his hand, leads him to the dance floor, and they forget everything and everyone around them. A while later, as the songs have gotten slower, he can feel his heart pounding. He thinks it’s finally the right time. He leans down and whispers the truth in her ear, the truth about having loved her since they met in second grade. She starts to cry happy tears, saying she’s always loved him too, and they kiss. As the song ends and changes to something fast again, he asks her if she’d like to sit and have a drink. She says yes, could he please get her some punch?

He feels like he’s walking on clouds as he goes over to where the drinks and food are laid out. He wants to get back to her right away and hopes he doesn’t have to wait too long at the refreshments table.

He makes his way through the crowd, and is able to get their drinks and return to his waiting love within just a couple of minutes. Because, would you believe it?

There was no punch line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrsBunnyPants26
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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My doctor told me I need to eat more greens...

....so I stopped at the store on the way home and picked up some food coloring.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Musicguy1982
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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Pearl Harbor of puns

If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?

I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.

If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?

China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.

I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?

I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.

I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.

I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"

I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".

If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?

If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?

My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.

I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.

Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.

Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.

You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"

A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PraetorSolaris
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad just did this...

My mom and I were in our living room watching TV. My dad was in the kitchen by himself. Suddenly we hear a yell from the kitchen and go running in to see my dad with a bloody paper towel around his finger...

Me: What happened!?

Dad: I cut my finger!

Mom: How!?

Dad: I wanted some cheese and crackers so I reached into the cheese drawer and I cut my hand.

Me: How did the cheese drawer cut your hand?

Dad: It didn't. I sliced it on the block of extra sharp cheddar!

Dad bursts out laughing

He then removed the paper towel to reveal his unharmed finger. He had dyed the paper towel with food coloring.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pbs094
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2013
🚨︎ report
Got my mom with a classic dad joke today

We were getting ready to cook some food for the family gathering we had today, and my mom pulls my dads camouflage apron out of a box. It had some writing on it but it was hard to read because of the color. She says to me, "I can't even see this." In which I reply, "WELL IT IS CAMOFLAGE!"

And that was the groan heard round the world.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/murdercrase
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2014
🚨︎ report
A scenario you can use

Burger King (or any other fast food chain) had their standard Holiday Shakes. It was purple and had the side affect that your poo was the same color later. I told my kids that there was a disease going around that changed poo to purple prior to them using the restroom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ratteb
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2014
🚨︎ report
I drank some food coloring

The doctor says I'm okay

But inside I'm dyeing

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourTooSlow08
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I drank some food coloring and I dyed a little inside.
πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SandyHoey
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What happens when you drink food coloring?

You dye a little on the inside.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DifficultPea
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I accidentally swallowed some food coloring the other day.

The doctor says I’m OK, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/one-last-hero
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I ate a teaspoon of food coloring

And now I'm slowly dyeing a little inside

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HVIIDPOWER
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I swallowed some food coloring today.

Doctor says I’ll be fine, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Food coloring

Yesterday I swallowed some food coloring. I'm okay but I feel like I dyed inside

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jnr_jinx
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2017
🚨︎ report
I drank some food coloring by accident...

I feel like I dyed a little inside.

πŸ‘︎ 581
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2015
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring

The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dippyfreshdawg
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I can't believe I accidentally drank food coloring.

The doctor says I'll be fine, but it feels like I dyed a little on the inside.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fukhed69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me why I always put food coloring in my food.

I'm on a dye it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/4StoryADay4
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2018
🚨︎ report
What happens when you eat too much food coloring?

You dye a little bit on the inside.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WestCoastHopHead
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring

My doctor says I'm okay, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OGNips
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2016
🚨︎ report
What happened when the kid swallowed food coloring?

He dyed a little on the inside

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LucarioSkywalker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2015
🚨︎ report
Dying!

I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m OK, but I feel like I’m dyeing inside.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CRaCkTh3Sky3
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
🚨︎ report

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