My boyfriend gave me a butt massage today, but only focused on one cheek...

It was very half-assed

πŸ‘︎ 134
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arteminxx
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I work at a facility focused on helping drugged animals

This duck came in and I swear he was on quack

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DREAD1432
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I've heard they just launched the new reptilian-focused aid programme.

They called it Gatorade.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/avohka
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm starting a business focused solely on transporting Capra aegagrus hircus. We'll have slings, bags, and more.

It's called Totes My Goats!

(Capra aegagrus hircus is the scientific name for goats)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LunOverdose
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was a wee lad, my thoughts were focused on the number 144.

I was engrossed

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Should've focused on the road
πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/seaalon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My ex is going through a hard time so I decided to send a food-focused care package.

Fed Ex.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smolprincess928
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I really hate location focused adverbs

But that's neither here nor there

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nikkarus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2017
🚨︎ report
I got this new book focusing on space and antigravity

β€˜Is it any good?’

I can’t put it down

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/onemangang15
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Don’t lose your Focus
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wcollins260
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I left my Adderall in my Ford Fiesta

Now it’s a Ford Focus

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/racas
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Oman! You’re about to read some terrible stuff.

β€œI live in Spain without the β€˜s’”.

This inspired me to come up with some truly terrible country-related jokes.

It’s about to Bahrain jokes without the β€œBah”.

  1. I have a double China without the β€œa”.

  2. Some people have told me that I look a lot like a German without the β€œan”.

  3. Oman, I think that one conspiracy about Israel Israel.

  4. You all probably want to hit me with Japan without the β€œJ”.

  5. You probably can’t Kuwait to stop reading these without the β€œKu”.

  6. Nowadays, car companies are focusing on making electric cars, but I Madagascar.

  7. As you’ve probably guessed, I don’t even have one Nepal without the β€œNe”.

All of these bad jokes made me Hungary so Iran to the nearest shop to get some food. Why am I always India-r need of food?

I sincerely apologise, fellow people. These jokes probably left a painful Denmark on your souls without the β€œDen”, of course.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/anipanreads
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
How do monkeys solve employee focus decline issues?

Transfer them to a different branch

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bearnakedgamer
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone has lost their focus!
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DaddyDawsonUser1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a combination between a Ford Fusion and a Ford Focus?

A Ford Fusion

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PurpleSugar64
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I was trying to watch a movie but I kept sneezing so much I couldn’t even focus

That’s what I get for being allergic to Cats

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ohsopoor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
🚨︎ report
It's too bad about the guy that overreacted after falling into a lens-making machine.

He truly made a spectacle of himself.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dabiker68
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Drinking coffee out of a lens mug helps me to focus...
πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PotatokingXII
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Loosing your focus
πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_second_choice
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a joke about microscopes

But it’s out of focus

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HollacaustFiesta
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Patient: I think I have ADHD I can’t remember where I parked my Ford. Doc: That doesn’t really mean anything... Patient: But I keep losing my focus
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Ford is focusing
πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nathlec
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Are you ready for the upcoming Zoom meeting?

Not even remotely.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/freakinana
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?

Let's go ride bikes!

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
In my opinion, the best people focus on themselves.

There's no comparison.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Ford Focus
πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sonujohny
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm going to open a clothing alteration shop that focuses on doing all jobs within an hour.

It will be called, Tailor Swift.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2016
🚨︎ report
Lost focus
πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hondarave
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Ford Focus
πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NTilky
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Visionaries
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/seawavegown
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend is getting a new car - a "tangerine" ford focus. Dad drops this one...

Tangerine focus... Isn't that the same as orange concentrate?

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jimmyd931
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2013
🚨︎ report
To help me focus on working, background music is instrumental

Mostly because I'd get distracted if there were vocals

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WillKay10
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
/r/BlackFathers will now be a positive and supportive community for Black and POC fathers

https://i.imgur.com/GlXV2kE.gifv

Reddit admins have recently granted ownership of /r/BlackFathers to myself and a group of other Black/POC mods, and it is our intention to make this a positive and supportive community. This is a place where Black/POC fathers and their family, friends, and colleagues can find helpful resources, welcoming content, and a safe space to learn from each other and share our experience.

Content of all types are welcome so long as the subject/focus of the content is supportive of Black/POC fathers. We look forward to seeing you there.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BigJ76
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A joke from my boyfriend’s dad

What do you call a dog in a TARDIS?

DOGtor Who

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ilovegingerhair18
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What would an association run by professional nuns focus on?

Pronunciation.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stitch1294
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about those new glasses that only focus on blunt objects

I can't see the point

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TannedCroissant
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report
This bee out of focus
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/M0useRatFan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2017
🚨︎ report
[At the therapist’s office] β€œSometimes I really have trouble focusing on my job!”

Patient: That’s great, but we are here to talk about my problems!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do you send a kid with ADHD during the summer to improve their focus?

Concentration camp

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nwvrie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Palm readers are great at focusing on the matter at hand.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report
To the individual who stole my glasses...

I will find you. I have contacts.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bearinthegarden14
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œDad, how do we make orange juice from the concentrate?” -5yo

β€œWe use 3 cans of water to distract it.”

β€œWhat?”

β€œYa it should lose focus soon enough.”

the eye rolls from my partner were fantastic.

This happened tonight. We were talking about β€œconcentrate” because they read me silly jokes from their school milk cartons like β€œwhy does X stare at the can of OJ? Because it says β€˜concentrate’.” So we were talking about what the word meant.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/8bagels
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Joke I came up with today

So this surgeon always posts pictures of the masks he wears during his surgery on Instagram. He does this every single time he has a surgery, and his nurses can never understand why. Eventually, he garners a massive following on Instagram. So, he goes into his supervisor's room, and he says, "Hello, it's a pleasure to see you". The supervisor says, "To what do I owe the pleasure?" The surgeon says, "Well, my Instagram business is really taking off. I think it would be better for me to quit being a surgeon and focus on Instagram full time". The supervisor thinks he's a little crazy but decides to let him do what he wants. The former surgeon now goes and buys as many masks as he can to sustain his Instagram account. Eventually, he becomes so wealthy that he is able to buy all these lavish things and not have to worry about economic failure. However, one day, he decides to begin posting pictures of medical needles on his Instagram account instead of masks at about the same time that he gets a horrible sickness that is almost always fatal. Because he posts pictures of masks now, his account begins failing, and even though he tries to save it, he's unable. He no longer has any money to treat the illness and is on his deathbed. His entire family is surrounding him, and his father leans in to hug him. As this happens, the ex-surgeon says in a weak voice, "Dad, where did I go wrong?" The dad, with tears in his eyes, seeing what his son has been reduced to and sadly knowing his dear son's death is imminent says, "You post syringe, you lose subscriber"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TwoPolesGaming
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Oman! You’re about to read some terrible stuff.

β€œI live in Spain without the β€˜s’”.

This inspired me to come up with some truly terrible country-related jokes.

It’s about to Bahrain jokes without the β€œBah”.

  1. I have a double China without the β€œa”.

  2. Some people have told me that I look a lot like a German without the β€œan”.

  3. Oman, I think that one conspiracy about Israel Israel.

  4. You all probably want to hit me with Japan without the β€œJ”.

  5. You probably can’t Kuwait to stop reading these without the β€œKu”.

  6. Nowadays, car companies are focusing on making electric cars, but I Madagascar.

  7. As you’ve probably guessed, I don’t even have one Nepal without the β€œNe”.

All of these bad jokes made me Hungary so Iran to the nearest shop to get some food. Why am I always India-r need of food?

I sincerely apologise, fellow people. These jokes probably left a painful Denmark on your souls without the β€œDen”, of course.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/anipanreads
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I left adderall in my Ford Fiesta

Now it’s a Ford Focus

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Theunkillable
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œDoc, I think I might have ADHD, because I can’t remember where I parked my Ford!”

Doctor: That’s not how ADHD works.

Man: But I keep losing my Focus!

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œDoc, I think I have ADHD. I keep forgetting where I parked my Ford.”

Doctor: That’s not how ADHD works.

β€œBut I keep losing my Focus!”

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report

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