we do have a lot off different technology. https://www.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/comments/bu0yuo/we_have_devices_that_can_see_through_flesh_and/ on this post
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lucas1006
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and I went to a new restaurant last night, where they serve the flesh of exotic birds and animals.

We both decided to try pelican, which was absolutely fantastic, but the bill was enormous.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fukhed69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a flesh eating bee?

A zombee

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/puffylyon
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2017
🚨︎ report
He enjoyed his new job as a flight attendant on a Transgalactic Express ship. He enjoyed the variety of species & sentients he got to meet. Except for the Plort, who ate large quantities of raw dead flesh.

They always made him put their carrion overhead.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnabbe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2016
🚨︎ report
What does a zombie say when it wants more details?

β€œFlesh it out”

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/charlietreger
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
My Wife was cutting up an orange fleshed melon. I asked her if she knew why these melons always got stuck having big extravagant weddings?

It's because they cantaloupe!

^(How am I doing? My first is due in April!)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FlickeringLCD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Someone gets decapitated in a show

Oh it's just a flesh wound don't lose your head over it

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scrimpyhook3
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
🚨︎ report
A couple is divorcing in court, and they are fighting for custody of their only child:

The woman tries to pity the judge: -Judge, I carried this child 9 months in my belly, it is the flesh of my flesh and it comes directly to me! The judge is moved and says: -Right mam, but now, lets listen to your husband's arguments. The man prefers to use his pragmatic side, and says: -Judge, when I put my coin in the vending machine,Is the can mine or is it to the machine?

πŸ‘︎ 333
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elouan_lrch
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
George Carlin's stand up sets are just really fleshed out dad jokes.

George Carlin dad jokes the shit out of airline language. I never really realized it until rewatching it years later.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdPy5Ikn7dw

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deskclerk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2014
🚨︎ report
My Thanksgiving Confession

Hey guys. As I'm sure most of you know, it's currently Thanksgiving in Canada. This time of year for me has, in the past, caused a lot of issues in my life.

To give a little bit of background on me, I'm usually an extremely healthy and fit guy, as I play high-level sports and have a physically demanding job. However, for much of my life, my willpower began to crumble around this time of year.

I first started taking my diet seriously when I was about 12 years old. I had some kind of realization where like, I dunno, I started looking at how jacked these movie stars were and was all, "wow, I want to be that cool too." Judging by the bowl cut I had when I was 12, my perception of cool may have been a little skewed, but I digress.

Anyhow, it was my first Thanksgiving where everything started falling apart. One of my relative's families ended up no-showing for dinner, so we were left with a load of Thanksgiving leftovers. For the next week, every single meal or snack I had was Thanksgivin

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/M3gaC00l
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
🚨︎ report
We could open a restaurant called the human cafe.

Our motto would be, we're serving one another.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Frank62899
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2015
🚨︎ report
Vegetarian trifecta while making dinner with my wife.

So, on Sunday my wife and I were making stir fry for lunch after church. I chopped up some flank steak and test fried a piece in the wok, pulled it out, cut it in two, and we each tried a piece to see how it tasted (in case it needed more ginger or garlic or oyster sauce). This conversation happened.

My wife: (enjoying the flavor) How do couples where one person is a vegetarian handle meals?

Me: I guess the man has a help meet for him like Adam.

Her: I'm being serious, how do they do it.

Me: I know, right? People get married for lots of carnal knowledge.

Her: (annoyed) All kidding aside, I'm curious how people make that work.

Me: Give me some time to flesh out my argument, and I'm sure I can find a couple that hasn't butchered their relationship.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wuapinmon
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2015
🚨︎ report
A short story

John Deavensmit was not having a good time. After an incident involving a coffee spill, he'd been sued for $50 million, and somehow the jury had ruled against him. There was no way he could pay that much money; he'd go bankrupt.

Naturally, he filed for an appeal, but the winner of the case was already beginning to hound him for money, hoping to get at least something before the judgement was overturned. John was nearly at his wit's end before he found an unusual package in his mailbox.

It was from a couple of his friends, who all went on to law school when John left to create a startup. They'd all been very successful, and had gone on to be justices at various levels, from courts in a small county in Wisconsin all the way to the Supreme Court. When he opened it up, he was surprised to see an ink drawing of a thick wooden stick. It was signed by his friends, and accompanied by a note:

> Hey John, > > We're sorry to hear about your loss in court last month. We met up at a jud

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scshunt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2012
🚨︎ report
Nuns

I walk into a Longhorn Steakhouse with my dad and we see four nuns sitting at a table making their order... My dad looks at me and says: "I guess they couldn't resist the flesh".

Another time: It was Easter weekend and we're at the airport to pick up my sister. Waiting at arrivals is a group of three nuns... My dad says: "Who are they here to pick up? Pontius Pilot?"

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lacagada
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2013
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.