The guys fixing the potholes on our road have completely disappeared.

I have no idea when they’re going to resurface.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeteAllan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife was fixing the length of my son's pants and I asked her how much that cost, was it a Chris, Luke or Liam?

She looked at me confused and said "What?"

I said, "I want to know how much that hem is worth."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notathrowaway2937
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
🚨︎ report
When I’m fixing an outlet and I get shocked

I just socket up

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CreepOut75
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?

Beep Repaired!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mmbossman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My tailor really likes fixing my clothes

Or sew it seams

πŸ‘︎ 235
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uhud
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Was fixing the universe hard for the Hulk?

No. It was a snap.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My brother has gone into business fixing car ignitions.

It's a start up.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hallsguide
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I quit my job fixing controllers at the tv repair shop.

I wasn’t making remotely enough.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My street light fixing business closed two months after it opened because it was not profitable

Too much overhead

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cloud9ineteen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
The Pilgrim's Pride CEO plead "not guilty" today in a poultry price-fixing case

What a chicken.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/badenglishihave
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I need some help fixing my new pen.

Anyone have any tips?

πŸ‘︎ 125
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterMcDoctor
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I started a business fixing vehicles to have the wheel only turning one direction.

Business is going alright

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Charlotte_8
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
🚨︎ report
In addition to fixing customers shoes, the local cobbler moonlighted as a shoe salesman...

He often found old used shoes in thrift stores and re-soled them.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm so tired after fixing the toilet

The work was draining

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/raden9
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife says I am bad at fixing appliances.

She is in for a shock!

πŸ‘︎ 169
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iwilltakeyourkids
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I received an unexpected bill from the doctor for fixing my leg...

I realized this is America and I oh-ed.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Was fixing a clock today...

and I accidentally dropped a hammer on it.

It’s hammer time!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BFBlues03
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Fixing tail pipes is exhausting work
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife thinks I’m terrible at fixing appliances.

Well, she’s in for a shock.

πŸ‘︎ 95
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2018
🚨︎ report
I saw a mechanic fixing the tailpipe of a car

It looked exhausting

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bettercallbert
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I recently got a job in a boat yard fixing old sailboats.

I shit you knot

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidus_somniorum
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Why does the monk β€˜Brother Kenneth’ always need fixing?

Because he is Bro Ken.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-E-Droflah
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Cricket players involved in match fixing are sure to give you a run for your money.
πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2016
🚨︎ report
My friend asked me for help fixing his robotic lizard.

I told him Viagra was a good way to fix e-reptile dysfunction.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Icecreep109
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
🚨︎ report
2 Friends named Ryan and Dave were fixing up a car. They’re Country-Geeks by day, and Racers by night.

Ryan: Are you Finnished yet?

Dave: No, but you bet I’m Russian to fix it! Israelly confusing. Kenya help me out?

R: Sure.

Car makes weird sound

R: Guatemala with the car?

D: I’m Czeching it out, and it seems like something’s wrong with a piston or two. You got any ideas, because Iran out. What a Spain. Oh well, let’s put some elbow Greece and try to finish it by tonight.

R: I hope so. Damn, tonight is a Chile one.

D: Yep, and it’s definitely China distract me.

R: I’m kinda Hungary, I want Togo buy a sandwich or two.

Later

R: Oman, it’s already 9 Pm, there’s Norway that we can fix it by tonight.

D: That’s what we are Guinea find out.

R: I will Taiwan more way to speed things up, but it’s pretty risky.

D: Well, we somehow Ghana find out. 10:30 Pm

R: Ok, Tur the Key!

Car turns on

D: Yes! The Caribb is ean! Uganda be kidding me! I can’t Bolivia did it!

R: Hey, I can’t Belize it either!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnThePekka
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Fixing kleptomania is easy

All you have to do is take something for it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeoTheSpiderboy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Pretended to get shocked while fixing an electric switch.

Her: Are you okay?

Me: Yeah. It just Hertz a little.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I had to stop fixing my kitchen sink . . .

Because I found it draining.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HanlonRazor
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2018
🚨︎ report
He was always fixing his old roof to prevent leaks.

He had to stay on top of it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
🚨︎ report
My buddy got a new job fixing on-demand water heaters

When I asked him how it was going he said, "it's a tankless job, but somebody's gotta do it."

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yoquiero
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2016
🚨︎ report
A great name for an auto body repair shop that specializes in fixing hail damage would be "The Dentist"
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dataxpress
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2015
🚨︎ report
My kids say I’m hopeless at fixing appliances...

Well, they're in for a shock...

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2017
🚨︎ report
My friend got a job fixing fridges

he says it's pretty cool.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TourismBarrytown
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2016
🚨︎ report
My dad was fixing the brick wall on the side of our tool shed.

When he was stirring the mortar, he told me to get him something to stir it with, but he told me it couldn't be a fork. I asked why, and he said "cause then I'd be a mortar forker."

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bananasox
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2013
🚨︎ report
So my dad was fixing a ceiling fan today and my mom said if she turned on the fan it would cut off his little head.

"No, that's my big head." he replied.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nman68
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2015
🚨︎ report
I thought about fixing my microwave oven...

But I just didn't have the convection.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vivvav
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2016
🚨︎ report
fixing the car with dad

Me: "Dammit, I just blew a seal!" Dad: "Well I bet the seal had a great time."

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2013
🚨︎ report
My dad and I were in the produce section getting fixings for a salad.

I picked up one vegetable in particular, turned to him and said, "This vegetable insulted me and made me feel bad. It's a Rude-abaga." He chuckled.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cordinarr
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2015
🚨︎ report
Friend's dad dropped this while fixing his paintball gun

Friend- Got the hopper in.

Dad- That's a nice scrotum you got there.

Friend- What? What scrotum?

Dad- You know, the thing you use to hold your balls.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ziggypwner
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2014
🚨︎ report
While fixing a crack in my grandfather's wall

My mom: "George, you're just making it worse!"

Dad: "He's all cracked up."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/qtacsb
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2013
🚨︎ report
Fixing my bike

A few years ago I was trying to clean up my bike. I had trouble getting some of the nuts loose so I hollered for my dad.

"Hey dad, can you help me get these nuts off?" After an awkward pause my dad looks over and says "Well, that's not something I get asked often."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LynaM
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2014
🚨︎ report

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