Despite being an electrical engineer, my son couldn't fix the circuit
π︎ 42
π
︎ Feb 11 2021
What did the vegetarian use to fix his flat tire?
π︎ 18
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︎ Jan 30 2021
Someone fix the news...
π︎ 12
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︎ Oct 02 2020
I was hired to fix tires at the bike shop, but I'd rather be their media guy.
I guess I'm more of a spokesman.
π︎ 22
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︎ May 21 2020
I called five different businesses to fix the leak in my roof - none did.
But Seal Team Six got the job done!
π︎ 9
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︎ May 01 2020
How did the Jedi fix his computer?
π︎ 32
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︎ Jan 22 2020
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
π︎ 193
π
︎ Aug 02 2019
My boss asked me if I wanted to take the trash out or fix the roof
π︎ 8
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︎ Feb 11 2020
I stood up in the middle of a meeting to fix the time on the clock. My boss told me sit down and do it later. I said...
βI guess itβs probably the wrong time.β
π︎ 4
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︎ Feb 03 2020
During my trip to Madrid I was staying at this small motel when I grew pretty ill. Thankfully the people at the front desk sent the on call doctor over and he was able to fix me up real quick. I told him I didn't expect such a small place to have such a good doctor, to which he told me
Nobody expects the Spanish Inn Physician
π︎ 19
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︎ Oct 08 2019
I brought my skills learned in the army to my new job, working to fix animals...
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 27 2019
I asked the Genius Bar to help fix my phone
But they just seemed to be phoning it in
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 31 2019
My wife asked me to fix the plug on her bedside lamp.
π︎ 32
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︎ Dec 02 2018
My mom had plumbers stop at the house to fix the drain. They made so much noise!
She told em to pipe down.
π︎ 36
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︎ May 06 2019
The lake by my house was overpopulated with river otters that would bite and harass people. The local gov used explosives to fix the problem. They called it operation otter pop
π︎ 2
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︎ Apr 15 2019
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
π︎ 9
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︎ Jun 17 2019
What did the man say to his wife when he couldnt fix her Kia?
Sorry hunny this is not my FortΓ©...
π︎ 7
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︎ Mar 15 2019
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush (good horror movie titles, btw)...
It's plumb crazy, but I have pipe dreams!
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 28 2019
Wife: "Don't just stand there holding your caulk, fix the window already!"
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 21 2018
The news about Android banning Huawei is sad. But I know Huawei can fix this.
If thereβs a will, thereβs Huawei.
π︎ 3
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︎ May 21 2019
Did you hear about the large petrol truck that liked to fix gadgets and children's toys?
π︎ 2
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︎ Mar 27 2019
We should legalize marijuana in every state and use the revenue to fix all the highways and roads
Weβll call it Operation Pot Hole
π︎ 49
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︎ Mar 15 2018
Time to fix the roof again.
π︎ 8
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︎ Apr 29 2018
Considering the Leaning Tower of Pisa, my daughter asked: Why don't the fix it?
Me: "If it ain't Baroque, don't fix it."
Daughter: 'blank stare'
Inner dialogue: "A wasted talent [Dad Jokes]."
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 09 2019
While on shore leave, Captain Picard intends to fix a hole in his uniform the old fashioned way.
Without any replicators on the family orchard, he decides to do it analogue with his brother's old sewing machine.
He puts a thread through the needle, his uniform underneath, and switches it on. It whirs and grunts out clunking noises before being switched back off.
"Robert your machine is broken!"
"What do you want me to do about it, Jean-Luc?"
"I need you to make it sew!"
π︎ 15
π
︎ Dec 13 2018
One of the clocks at work stopped functioning today, and the ladies asked me to fix it.
And so I did! Now Iβm the Man of the Hour.
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 10 2018
Me: I think Iβll fix the electrical problem myself.
Her: I think we should call a professional .
Me: Donβt worry. Youβll be shocked when Iβm done.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jan 12 2018
I was trying to fix a safety switch myself but couldn't find the right part
It was an off-er I couldn't re-fuse.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 02 2018
Why couldn't the man fix his watch?
π︎ 20
π
︎ Mar 26 2017
My hearse got a flat. It took meο»Ώ 2 hours to fix the problem.
π︎ 2
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︎ Jul 02 2017
WhatsApp keeps crashing on my phone and wonβt run properly, so Iβve downloaded something called βThe Bugs Bunnyβ to fix itβ¦
π︎ 40
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︎ Apr 19 2017
Why couldn't the mechanic fix the machine in the high level dungeon?
He didn't have the right gear!
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 27 2016
Why didn't Steam fix the problems sooner on Christmas?
They were too busy rolling in cache.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 30 2015
Dad wants to fix the blinds
Me looking at crooked blinds: "There's not enough tension on that side."
Dad: "So you might say it has a... tension deficit disorder?"
π︎ 20
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︎ Aug 25 2015
how did the network router fix the shaking washing machine?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 12 2015
Did you hear about the large petrol truck that liked to fix gadgets and mechanical toys?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 26 2019
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