Mending Puns

He can barely make ends meet!

You could say it was sew-sew.

Me: so I guess you could say he rides the fence about fences.

Classmate: and he doesn't want anyone to take offence about it.

Me: I gate what you're saying.

The orthocentre

With a pumpkin patch.

Sofa sew good.

They studied horticulture

Mend-e-sleeve

A pumpkin patch!

Anything I can rectum mend?

When he starts in, everyone groans, "not another darn yarn!"

but I don't sink sew.

Buy now he only does potatoes

With a Pumpkin patch.

Shamelessly reposted from the Library of Congress twitter account.

https://twitter.com/librarycongress/status/923559845927809026

He begins to talk with the tailor, and it comes up that he's a Classics professor, that he has been teaching for a number of years, that he focuses primarily on the Greeks and their literature.

After a nice, long talk, the classics professor shows the pants to the tailor. The tailor asks: "Euripides?" The professor replies: "Yes. Eumenides?"

She doesn't say "I'm going to mend your trousers", she says "britches get stitches".

With a mend-a-city program :)

He came highly rectal-mended

Poor Red,
Poor Red whines,
Pour red wine,
Pour red wine to mend Red's mind.
Mind the wine that ends Red's whine.
Find the time to send more wine.
For poor Red's whine, we pour more wine.
We dread the time when poor Red whines.

But if you mend the Cos of it.

Tan it will be better.

I think it's absolutely tree-mend-ous

So my girlfriend and I are visiting her parents this weekend.

At breakfast her dad asks if we'd like almond milk with our coffee and we say yes.

He comes back and plops a gallon of 2% in front of us with this huge grin on his face, makes the sign of the cross in the air and goes "ah-mend"

There is so much this man can teach me.

What-ho! Wet, new mend?

Own!

It comes highly wreck-a-mended.

So I tried it but it didn't mend my car at all.

Because they spend their lives mending broken soles

With a pumpkin patch! 🎃