Eventually, though, it came to dominate the toucannot.
It was his own asphalt
Shoot the lion, drink the beer and drive away in the jaguar.
He was presented a beautiful lady and told he had to kill her with cannibalism. This fighter has a good heart and could never do this, but if he did not oblige than both would die. He beat her to death and fed on the remains. Afterwards, it was revealed that the lady was actually quite evil and murdered children.
The camera pans out, it's Russell Crowe, he is Glad-he-ate-her.
I have been challenged to a dad joke face off. I need at least 20 dad jokes that will make someone laugh before I do to win a tournament. Give me your best!
She said to my wife, “Mommy, I don’t remember how to do a 2.”
So I yelled out, “You just sit on the potty and push!”
They both ignored me. So now you all get to appreciate my joke instead.
Because it's the scenter.
True story; it even happened last night. My 5-year-old son walks up behind me and out of the blue says, "hey."
I turn to him and say, "yeah, kiddo? What's up?"
He responds, "it's dead grass."
I'm really confused and trying to figure out what's wrong and what he wants from me. "What? There's dead grass? What's wrong with that?"
.
.
.
He says, totally straight-faced, "hay is dead grass," and runs off.
A cheek for a cheek as I always say!
A clock with no battery.
"Mayo-Nose! That's what it's called"
A must-ash.
"Don't eat so much candy all at once!"
"Why?" the boy replied.
"If you eat too much candy, you're stomach will get bigger, and bigger, and it will eventually explode!"
The boy is shocked by this image an immediately stops eating candy. The next day, the boy and mom go to church together, and the boy sits down next to a very visibly pregnant woman. The boy looks at her stomach, then up to her face, and says, "I know what you've been doing."
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.
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.
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The direction the first letter faces
The difference is like night and day.
We’re always being overlooked
He saw the ranch dressing.
It is a minor issue
I see a lot of new faces here today!!
The horse, not being able to comprehend human language, promptly shits on the floor and leaves.
But then I saw her face.
it’s just that I can’t remember the punchline
He likes his milk "past-your-eyes"
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
The only thing they have to go on is the mug shot.
That was the punchline
He immediately popped the question.
The Czech is in the mail.
guess i’m just a piece of meat for them
Occu-pied.
But then I saw her face
Because they can’t keep a straight face.
Would you pick your nose?
I don't know if I believe him, but that's his story and he's sticking to it.
I didn't mind too much, until I found out, she was faking them.
..no one even raises an eyebrow.
Son: STOP! It’s never funny to joke around with fire!
Me: (looks at the fire) Why did the chicken cross the road?
The wife and I were crying laughing while the son went inside and locked us out of the house. 😂😂😂
... I’d pick my nose!
How dairy!
- People who can count
- People who can’t
I’m worried about my cousin. He’s 28 with a good job. Has a lot in common with me (nerdy habits: board games, gaming conventions, anime etc). Unfortunately I have recently learned that he is one of those poor souls obsessed with Belle Delphine. Apparently it started out innocently enough. My cousin is into cosplay. He’s into girls. Ooh, there’s cosplay girls on the internet? What began as a YouTube channel subscription and a few dozen likes on Instagram has progressed into something much more serious. This man is spending money. My cousin’s social media accounts have recently featured pictures of him with his Belle Delphine merch. T-shirts, body pillows, there’s even some kind of bed spread/comforter with her googly-eyed tongue-outy face on it. Did you know that Belle Delphine briefly partnered with Tom’s shoes for a limited edition series of footwear? I knew that, because my cousin won’t shut up about how he bought them all. He’s got at least three jars of dirty bath water and a gaming keyboard with her face on it. It’s really sad. I think the isolation of the pandemic really exacerbated his behavior. He says that he and Belle are destined to be together. For my part, I’m telling him that this isn’t healthy behavior, and I’m encouraging him to seek counseling. I’m convinced he has a mental health issue like Obsessive Love Disorder or Erotomania. Afterall, he does have all of the Simp Toms.
It’s only one percent.
But then I saw her face
It’s the scenter.
The horse not being able to comprehend the language shits on the floor and leaves
