What do you call a toddler who can expertly select the proper whine for every meal?
A friend of mine thinks he's an expert on tree types.
He refers to himself as a conifer
Do you know who is an expert on the Dunning-Kruger effect?
"Son, do you think we should find an expert to guide us in our trek up Mt. Everest?"
Eating more fresh vegetables makes you an expert pooper. It's right in the name.
I wish I was an expert at tying ropes together
What do you call a Catholic Sister who's an expert in stealth and martial arts?
I am very expert when going to sleep.
I can do with my eyes closed.
What do wilderness survival experts use to cook their burgers
Found out martial arts expert Bruce Lee had a vegan brother
I'm an expert at idioms
I know them like the front of my hand
What do you call an expert wine taster from the horn of Africa?
I've bought a book called 'How to become an expert in Origami.'
So far, I've made over 1000 paper snow balls.
[need for help] Pun experts, share the best pun you know about academia/professors/education/writing for grants. Any help deeply appreciated!
EDIT: We plan to place it on the mug as a gift, so it should be relatively short
There's a new show on BBC where heroin junkies can determine via experts, how much money they've shot up over the years.
It's called,Cash in the Addict.
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were down on their luck.
They took one of their prized possessions—The Star of The Empire, one of the worlds largest diamonds—to a famous yet discreet pawn shop outside of Las Vegas to ask for a loan.
The pawnbroker said "So I talked to my buddy who is an expert in diamonds to get his opinion. I can give you $200,000 for it."
Prince Harry said "You must be joking, I had this appraised at nearly 2 million pounds! Don't you know who I am, I'm a prince! My mother is Queen of The United Kingdom, Elizabeth II!!"
The pawnbroker said "$200k, take it or leave it. When you wish to pawn a star, makes no difference who you are..."
Dunning-Kruger Effect AMA
I read one article and now I’m an expert on the Dunning-Kruger Effect.
AMA
Sleep experts reckon that in order to stay optimally healthy, you need "6-8 hours a day".
That's me buggered then, my day has 24 hours.
What military branch is an expert on belly buttons?
Of course I talk to myself
Sometimes I need expert advice
My complete jerk of a brother is a Karate expert, a Chef and a Lawyer!
Dad calls him "Chop Suey."
What do you call an old explosive expert?
Y'all acting like overclocking is an expert thing
What do you call an expert at dad jokes?
This years coffee crop
Due to extreme weather, this years coffee crop will be very difficult to grind. Experts fear there may be trouble brewing.
Experts have confirmed that bowling is officially the quietest sport.
You can hear a pin drop, after all.
People Who Are Expert Fishers Are Also Master Baiters
A man eating curds says, “I bet Miss Muffet would enjoy this.”
A cheese expert replied, “There’s no whey!”
You'll definitely need an expert for that
Ol’ Mr. Woodpecker
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."
Sorry if this breaks the rules but, please cheer up my dad! He's a punctuation expert who is recovering from surgery. He just had half of his lower digestive system removed. It would really cheer him up if you could comment with his favorite punctuation mark:
What does a martial arts expert drink?
Experts warn that all this social distancing is causing a lot of stress, anxiety, and depression.
The Flat Earth Society is especially worried. They think their members might be driven over the edge.
I met this rich, easy-going fingerprints expert.
"Wow," I thought to myself, "This is really a man of the whorl."
Driving past a farm, I said to the kids, "Those are expert horses..."
"... They're out standing in their field."
Dear Tetris,
Thank you for making me an expert in loading the dishwasher.
What do you call a denim expert?
Why are mobsters expert at chopping down trees?
Because they're goodfellers.
I studied Morse code so I could tap out dad jokes with my ham radio, but I only learned half of the code.
So I'm no expert at it, just a pundit.
Pun experts, I need your help
I want to change my IGN to something that includes puns. right now I came up with
"PunKneeShare" which I think is not that original nor good. what are your suggestions?
Son: “What crime would I be charged with if I broke into the Capitol and planted a forest?”
Dad: “Well I’m no legal expert, but I suspect there’d be some trees in there.”
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Did you know a lot of drug addicts are experts in geology?
They’re called stoners for a reason, you know.
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