teacher: i before e except after c
'Smoked duck, pit beef, and a fowl stew', I remembered my wife yelling at me when I'd asked her about dinner. Here I am, at the dining table, wondering why every dish tastes perfect except the stew which seems to reek of something rotten and foul.
Every shape has meaning except for the circle.
Frankly, it's just pointless.
What does one say to a grieving sushi chef, except…
All crime should be punished, no exceptions. That is why I called the cops on my cat after she gave birth to kittens. Now don’t judge me for doing what had to be done, we all know
I made a joke at the expense of my amputee friend on his birthday party, everyone laughed except him.
I guess he just didn't find it humerus.
Edit : Holy shit it blew up! Thanks everyone!
I before E except after C
Albeit this is just another theory disproved by science, you should still seize the day and rise to the full height of your weird self!
I went to the local beekeeper to buy some bees. All of them had a price tag on except one..
My pronouns are she/her, except when I'm on my period,
Then I go buy Hershey's.
(I told my dad this joke and he loved it so I figured if it made a dad laugh it could count as a dad joke)
Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection except one.
He's never gonna give you Up 🎈.
I like ants.
They are just down to earth.
Bugs Bunny would not be pleased
I love all my children equally. Except the one who sleeps...
"I before E except after C"
OK....
How am I supposed to spell 'ICE' again ?
I don’t take anything in the papers seriously, except for my fish & chips
And even that, I take with a pinch of salt.
My friend got a great deal on a place to stay, except the owner kept talking to him for hours about dull stuff.
I asked him why don't you tell the guy you aren't interested? He said because the great price included room and bored.
My wife says I’m perfect in every way except my armpits smell.
Hands down the best man she’s ever known
What is your business and how is it going?
I clean antique mirrors.
I can see myself doing it for a long time.
What about you?
The letters in the English alphabet go to the beach (don't ask me why). Every letter gets sunburned except W, X, Y and Z. Why?
They had UV protection in front.
I cut my entire lawn except for a single strip down the middle.
Why don't boxers have sex the night before a fight?
They don't like each other.
What do you call a nose with every number written on it except 1?
If the tinfoil hat crowd secretly runs everything, would that make them
made a poster for it too.
I once knew a butcher who would take out any cut of meat, except one. You had to be in the store, however.
It might not be the right scientific term, but it's pretty close
“i” before “e” except after “c”
It’s an ancient rule with many inconsistencies.
What do you call a Jewish holiday?
My kids have left the nest, so I don't get to make them laugh (groan) as much, but got this chance yesterday:
My daughter was telling me about driving through the countryside and seeing a pack of coyotes in a pasture in the middle of the day.
I said, "Those must have been some exceptional specimens."
Against her better judgment she asked, "Why do you say that?"
I replied, "Because they were out standing in their field!"
Sysiphus likes all kinds of musicians and bands except for one.
Why can't you hear a dinosaur pee?
TIL the swordfish has no natural predators to be afraid of, except for...
...the penfish, which is thought to be mightier.
I passed all of my courses except for Greek Mythology.
That has always been my Achilles' elbow.
I before E except after...
A husband says to his wife: “The guys at golf were saying that our mailman has slept with every woman on this street except one…” His wife replies:
Don't Russian to things to soon.
why is COVID 19 better then Southwest airlines?
Because at least COVID-19 is airborne
I have exceptional farm animals. One have learned how to operate a boat.
Unfortunately this sheep has sailed.
I was invited to a wealthy French person's house recently, and he was showing me his yacht collection at his private marina.
As we walked down the quay, this person was telling me "Ah oui, zis is yacht numero un, zis is numero deux, trois, zis is quatre, six, numero sept.."
I stopped him, and I told him, "What happened to number five?"
He said, "Ah oui, that's cinq"
Police hate crime, except . . .
Police hate crime.
(Yes, I stole the joke. Call the police. )
I got upset and threw my keyboard across the room. I found all of the pieces except one.
I really lost CTRL
*Edit: had a typo. TY for pointing it out u/LandofGreyandPink
thank you!
I'm in the hospital with my Gram and running out of things to talk about. She's enjoying your jokes (except the dirty ones. I'm skipping those out of respect for her poor Catholic soul)
A breakthrough: “I” before “E” except after “C”…
Rick Astley will let you borrow any of his disney movies, except one
He's never gonna give you UP
I went to the bee keepers to buy some bees and all them had price tags on them except one because...
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