Eves Puns

It was an Apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just one byte. And then everything crashed.

Edits: Thanks for all the awards!

After all, it was Adam's apple!

Everest

Adam was very fruitstrated

She'd Adam.

It’s Christmas Eve. (I’ll let myself out...)

Adam

See you next decade

I really dropped the ball on that one.

It's on the house.

“Watch our for the rain, dear.”

-a tour guide earlier today

The old man was cheery and happy while his wife did not share his joy. The old man said; "honey why're you grumpy? It's christmas!" She said; "but deer look! All our crops are dying if this goes on we won't survive the winter. We need a christmas miracle for that." The old man looked outside and said; "Honey, look a christmas miracle!" The old lady got filled with glee and looked outside, and there was santa flying in his sleigh. She said; "But honey was wasn't hoping for santa in his sleigh, I was hoping for rain-dear!"

It probably ran on Python

Credit: u/FriendofHolySpirit

Eve: of course, you’re the only one.

It’s true, She made Adam’s Hot Dog Stand

They feel some precipitation.

"I think it's raining" says the man.

"No, it's snowing" says the woman.

"Why don't we ask this communist officer?" Asks the man. "He's always right! Excuse me, officer Rudolf, is it raining or snowing?"

"Definitely raining" he says, before walking off.

The man turns to his wife with a smile. "See? Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."

The doctor said I have Auld Lang-syiety.

Ill put on those novelty 2020 glasses and proudly say i have 2020 vision

We will bring in the New Year with "I am Barbara Walters and this is 2020"

Santa asked Rudolph to let him know if it was going to rain. Rudolph sniffed the air and affirmed that it was going to rain. Surprised, Mrs. Claus asked Santa “How did Rudolph know it is going to rain?” “Because” replied Santa “Rudolph the red knows rain, dear.”

that way I always start the new year off on the right foot

Because Eve’s dropping.

I'll be like same shit different year

For Adam good reason!

They were a year old

No. They only had an Apple.

It is comparing apples to origins.

See you next year!

If Eve wore a fig leaf in the Garden of Eden...what did Adam wear?? A hole in the fig leaf.

It should have said "Happy New Ear" instead.

New Years Adam.

They would have four-bitten fruit.

Right before everyone sees 2020.

When he took away their pair a dice.

Suddenly, Dora hatches and the mama hen says proudly, "Dora in the nest; Day One!"

Then, on Christmas, Moira hatches. The mama hen says, "Dora in the nest; Day Two! Moira in the nest; Day One!"

Dora is confused, and asks, "Well, what about our other sister?"

The mama hen explains, "Gloria In Eggshell, Sis; Day Oh."

They were in the Garden of Eatin’.

Go into town and blow a few bucks.

..."Don, we now are gay apparel."

She loves turning into a "blood monster," running up to people, slapping them, and claim she's sucking our blood as she yells "I'm a blood monster! Rawr!"

Me: "Oh no, she's a hemoGOBLIN!"

I got some applause from the few adults present.

For the rest of the year

We just visited the cemetery to visit my great grandfather's grave, and all the headstones have Christmas wreaths on them because it's a national cemetery (military). Someone asked "well I wonder who lays all these wreaths out here." My dad replied, "The Grim Wreather."

We all laughed as my mom hit him on the arm and said he was terrible.

She thought she in the Garden Of Eatin'

He made Crochet sign a quaver.

(Credit goes to a friend of mine who's been writing Christmas cracker puns)

Nothing like some Yule Brinner to put you in the holiday spirit.

Because it soots him.

Dad: "I went to this zoo the other day. It only had one animal, a dog. It was a shih tzu."

This one is performed best when spoken aloud.

My girlfriend and I are hosting a party when I suddenly start suffering from stomach pain and diarrhea. Feeling crappy, I decide to lay down. My girlfriend comes into the bedroom to see how I'm doing. Looking sad, I tell her I'm sorry for being a party pooper.

So, not my dad, but my mom's a neonatologist (she works on sick and premature newborns) and she has to work tonight (New Year's Eve).

I jokingly asked if they had a ball drop in the NICU, and to my surprised, she said yes.

"When the testes descend."

...in loo of partying.

True story :(

For those of you who don't know most churches sing silent night by candle light. Everyone gets a candle. At the end of the service my wife spilled hot wax on her hands. After dealing with the immediate pain I said...

Sorry about your waxcident!

Everytime B-9 comes up, he says:

"B-9... not malignant."

-____-

The next morning, Dad "Wow havent seen you since last year. Thought you were a gonner!"

..and none of the newer peelers are working for him, so he grabs the peeler he's had for years.

Dad: None of these peelers work as well as this one. There's a reason I buy and keep things like these.

Me: So you would say that one is most appealing to you?

Me: What's the opposite of "Missus?" (Referring to the label he wrote to my mom)

Dad: A hit.

We were putting up Christmas lights outside our house and I noticed the power lead was laying across the ground in front of our front door. I told my wife we had better tape it down because it's a (dramatic pause for effect) ELF HAZARD! The groan was priceless !

Firequackers

Uncle: Why didn't you call me back? Other uncle: Why would he call you back? Your name is John!

It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.

It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte.

And then everything crashed.

The computer was branded by apple, but it had very limited memory. It only had 1 byte and then everything crashed

It was an Apple with just one byte. And then it crashed.

Its Christmas Eve.

It had extremely limited memory. Just one byte. Then everything crashed.

A couple is walking in East Berlin on Christmas Eve. They feel a slight precipitation. "I think it's raining," says the man. "No, it's snowing," replies the woman. "How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the main. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing? "Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replies before walking off. The man turns to his wife with a smile. "See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

Eve!