Prisoner: "I'm sorry I tried to escape. "

Guard: "I'm not mad. Just very disappointed. "

REMEMBER KIDS....NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Escape

A blonde, brunette and a red head escape from prison. While running across a field they hear the guards coming and being tired, the red head suggested hiding in some potato sacks they found.

When the guards reached the sacks one kicked the bag containing the red head, she went meow meow. "Just a sack of kittens" said the guard. Then he kicked the brunettes bag, she went woof woof. "Just a bag of puppies". Lastly he kicked the blondes bag and she went potato potato.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/syhendrickson
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I saw a lobster escape a grocery store tank

It clawed itself out

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MuchoTornado
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
No escape from reality
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kelly240361
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Officer: how did the hacker escape?

Me: I dunno, he ransomware

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lordofthstrings
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
The man was finally about to escape prison when he realised he forgot something. He ran back and grabbed acne cream. Why?

He was breaking out.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/0lSherlockl0
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you say to applaud the vermin that managed to escape the breakfast porridge?

Congee-rat-lations 😬😬😬

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/majumps
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the space criminal escape from the prison planet?

He achieved ESCAPE VELOCITY

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Schrodingers_liar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Imagine you're in a pitch dark room and you have no idea how to escape.

Just stop imagining.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KrisyGGgamer23
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Prisoner - I am sorry. I tried to escape

Guard - I am not mad. I am just.....disappointed.

Moral - DONT LET YIUR GUARD DOWN

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A midget escaped from prison by using bed sheets tied together and scaled down the outside wall. He left a note detailing his escape plan, highlighting the prison guards stupidity and incompetence.

The Warden said "he's a little condescending"

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
No escape
πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shiner_bock
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the computer hackers escape?

They just ransomware.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BatfleckPwns
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I was just trying to enjoy a day out on the lake. No matter where you are, you can never escape the puns.
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elanstake
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I watched a dwarf escape from prison today. As he climbed down the fence, he smirked at me.

I thought to myself, "Hmmm, that's a little condescending."

πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kordesii2358
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did Karen press Shift-Control-Escape on her PC?

She wanted to see the Task Manager.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cyberentomology
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Fire Escape
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/u-dragon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
How did I escape Iraq?

Iran

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DukeACola
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
No escape from Realy tea..
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JimmyPeanoot
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fortune telling dwarf who escapes from prison?

A small medium at large!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?

You could say it was a well thawed out plan.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/livelylou4
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
There's no escape
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/not_sample_text
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
We should call Ctrl + Shift + Escape shortcut on windows the "Karen shortcut"

Cause it lets you speak to Task Manager

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Socra16
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
So how did you escape Iraq?

Refugee: I ran!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TechNippon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
There is no escape
πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/memelord3_0
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œHey officer, how did the hackers escape?”

β€œNo idea, they just ransomware.”

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2018
🚨︎ report
What happens when a panda escapes the zoo?

It causes a panda-monium

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dankwizard69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
2 crazy men were trying to escape from a mental facility...

but the only way out was from the roof. They got up there, before realizing they didn’t have any rope. One guy says, β€œOh yeah! I’ve got a flashlight! Ill point it to the ground and you can climb down the beam.” The other guy says, β€œWhat, am I crazy? I’d get half way down and you’d turn it off!”

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Carasius
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
🚨︎ report
There’s no escape
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SweKrieg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the man escape the Middle East?

Iran

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aviic115
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dwarven convict who can talk to spirits and escape prison?

A small medium at large.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hufflestuff33
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the panda escape the hunter?

Bear-ly

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Flare1206
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
🚨︎ report
To escape the Coronavirus, I wish I’d had time to isolate myself on Noman.

Noman is an island.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Konamicoder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Microwaving a TV dinner without opening the package to allow steam to escape is the best way to cook it!

It will be bursting with flavor!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Some filmmakers were secretly trying to murder the lead actor in a low-budget flick, but he got wind of the plot and managed to escape. They took the existing footage and shopped it to different producers, but it was roundly rejected by everyone for the same reason.

It wasn't up to snuff.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jeromocles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the pizza escape the oven?

The dough!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I can’t see an end, I have no control and I don’t think there’s any escape – I don’t even have a home anymore!

Definitely time for a new keyboard...

πŸ‘︎ 122
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call Batman escapes from a church?

Christian Bale

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SkyStar1991
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Escape to Witch Mountain

That mountain

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MovieGuyMike
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Prisoner: "I am sorry, I tried to escape."

Guard: "I'm not mad, just disappointed."

(Remember kids, never let your guard down)

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
The man was finally about to escape prison when he realised he forgot something. He ran back and grabbed acne cream. Why?

He was breaking out.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/0lSherlockl0
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
"Officer, how did the hacker you were following, escape ?"

"Don't know he just ransomware"

πŸ‘︎ 113
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/magop7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you here about the dwarf climbing over the wall to escape prison?

He fell!

It was a little condescending.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Othon1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Psychic Dwarf that recently escapes from a federal prison?

A small medium at large!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
How did i escape iraq?

Iran

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StevetheEevve
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
🚨︎ report
"Hey officer, how did the hackers escape?"

"No idea, they just ransomware."

πŸ‘︎ 127
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a gnome with ESP that escapes from prison?

A small medium at large

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spingebill678
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
So how did you escape Iraq?

Iran

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Obsidi3
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
🚨︎ report
''Hey officer, how did the hackers escape?''

No idea, they just ransomware.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report

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