I suspect fowl play
It was worth every penne.
Amazing work, but it was useless to him. He doesn’t know how to drive a stick shift.
I told the arresting officer "I could explain everything."
They’re alright now
Yelling as I left, "I'll associate with WHOMEVER I want REGARDLESS of their politics, gender IDENTIFICATION, and/or ROBUSTNESS!"
the offensive line was to blame
He's alright.
I consider it an act of abnegation.
Nothing, because it's a free country
I really miss him, he was the coalest man I knew
Its a shitzu.
It was a patient dog
....
It was a shitzu.
EDIT: For those who say it's "stolen", i had no idea. A friend of mine told me this one yesterday and i just had to post it. That's it :)
The seal was broken.
My wife: That’s bananas.
Me: I know, I couldn’t believe it either.
I will now only eat animals that are herbivores.
"What do you want, atrophy?"
He's exhausted now.
But it bombed.
He's all right, now.
sorry, poor punctuation.
i’m giving up! masturbating for an entire month.
Let that sink in.
It was hummuside.
Man: Wait. I can explain everything!
The son's ticket number wasn't the one picked to win. Despondently, the son told the results to his dad. In an effort to console him, his dad replied..."Well, sorry son, but you can't win the mall."
It was never the right time, so he spent his whole life waiting.
It wooden start.
That's my Fanta sea.
I don’t know y
Lumberghini.
I’m not entirely sure, but I reckon it’s a cuttle of squid.
Lately there's been a trend where people post other useless information along with the joke like "I came up with it yesterday doing whatever" or "my 6 month old child came up with this and I'm so proud". These are pointless info. People also tend to give entire transcript of the IRL events that lead to the joke like "X was doing _ and Y said _ and I said [pun]" You should turn these words into the joke format.
P.S: Don't redundant "Don't kill me" or "I'll see myself out", it's literally the place for bad jokes
My dad passed away about 3 years ago. Now that I am a dad as well I thought I would pass on his favorite joke, bear with me cuz its long, but worth it...
A poor man who lives in a straw hut wants to to impress his neighbor. So he works for 3 months, enough to buy a fancy chair at the market. He calls his neighbor over for dinner one night and has him sit in the chair at dinner. He asks his neighbor, " isn't this a very nice chair? " To which the neighbor replies "it's okay i guess"...
Heartbroken, after the neighbor leaves, the man takes the chair upstairs and puts it in a closet and thinks.. maybe it was not a nice enough chair...
He then works 6 months, leaves his little straw hut and hitches a ride to the city and buys an extravagant chair with velvet padding. Once again he has his neighbor over for dinner, this time the neighbor says "it's nice, but I've seen better"
Sad, the man stores the chair in the upstairs closet. But the man could not be deterred.
He then worked for an entire year, left his little straw hut and went all the way to the capitol and bought a gaudy, gold painted chair with lion motifs and silk pillows.
The neighbor comes over to dinner and says. "Wow, what an ugly chair!"
Furious, the man grabs the chair, marches upstairs and throws it in the closet with such force that his entire straw hut collapses.
I guess people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones...
As they're searching the room they realize the pillows are missing. They decide to focus the entire investigation around the pillows. And so began: The Pillowcase
It was worth every penne
It was worth every penne
It's a shitzu (Shih Tzu).
Man: Wait! I can explain everything.
