The number "eight" starts with an E.

But if you spelled it with an A, it'd be aight.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sdneidich
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
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Air Force dad joke: Why did the E-4 with a line number go to the hospital?

Staff Infection.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dgrubbnasty
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2018
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Puns, you either love them or...

When it comes to food puns, you either love them or you ate them.

However, when it comes to number puns, you either love them or you eight them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-JasonTe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
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Why is North Korea so evil?

Because they have no Seoul.

Edit: Thanks for the support and for my first award everyone! I can’t take credit for the joke itself as a friend who passed a number of years made it up in high school, but I’m sure he’d be ecstatic to see the number of updoots and laughter it’s brought.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fourchubio
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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Why did the Pirate's Island have to quarantine?

Because their 'Arrr' number was too high...

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CanAhJustSay
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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Do trees poop?

Of course, that’s how we get number 2 pencils....

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Centrist4America
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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Most puns make me go numb

Math puns make me go number

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs

Number 3 will shock you

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LinkRar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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Why was six afraid of 7?

Because 7 is a prime number and I assume they can be very intimidating

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trashpanda-5143
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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I was on the bathroom scales, sucking my stomach in.

Thinking I was trying to weigh less with this manouver, my wife commented, "I don't think that's going to help !!"

"Sure it does " I retorted "It's the only way I can see the numbers."

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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What do you use to draw a toilet?

A number 2 pencil.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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Do trees poop?

Of course they do. That's how we get number 2 pencils.

-Edit- Thanks for the awards guys! 😊

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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I really don't see much future for Advent Calendars

It feels like their days are numbered.

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_fury_2000
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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What did the Japanese man say when he saw his boy scratch his leg?

1 2, 3?

Edit: read the numbers in Japanese

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondChocobos
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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I was super lucky to get an advent calendar this year...

because you know their days are numbered.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/es_mo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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Poop jokes aren't my favorite

But they're a solid number 2

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KnightHawk37
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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There's a show that consists only of people peeing.

You can see it on a number of streaming channels.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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I'll never forget the day I first met my wife. We were at a fancy dress party and she was stood there, looking gorgeous and slim, with her fat mate...

They'd gone together dressed as the number 10...

I knew there and then that she was the One!!

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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How do you spot a cultured Redditor?

The number of their blue cheese grows.

...I'll see myself out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/acres41
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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A rock star's Journey

A number of years ago I was in a rock band. We were hugely successful, playing some of the biggest venues and entertaining swarms of fans.

The last shoes we ever played were on our world tour. We played the Americas and then flew over to Europe. We played our way through Russia and even a couple of gigs in China, before selling out our final show in Japan.

It was a hell of a Journey, but it was time for me to hang up my guitar. I retired from the rock star life and got an office job in Tokyo.

I made a few friends at work, and grew close with one in particular, Narada-san. One day Narada had the day off for a funeral, but that wasn't enough; he needed more time. He was torn between his obligation to return to work and his desire to have more time at home. He asked me what he should do.

The answer was simple. I picked up my guitar and played a Japanese version of our biggest hit from 1981:

Don't Stop Bereaving

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Why did the ghost go to the bathroom?

He had to go number boo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/XD_Im_Pink_Pixel
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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There are two reasons not to drink toilet water.

Number one. And number two.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uhavethebiggay
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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Once upon a time in numberland, a three-person race was held

In it took part the Minus sign, and the numbers zero and -2. All three ended the race at precisely the same time.

-2, Minus Won; 0 Won Too.

(Reddit, I am counting on you to make this stupid joke popular!)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/keychainoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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My dad would walk me to the bathroom when I was scared to pee at night...

That’s a number one dad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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Stay Positive

Son is working on math. Currently working on negative numbers, which is below his level (pun intended).

Wife says, "He is really bored. If you can think of anything to say to help that would be great.

Me to son, β€œHey buddy, I know you are working on negative numbers and that is boring. Try to stay positive.”

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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I hope not to let everyone down

True story. Wife was cooking dinner and says you know what's odd?

With out hesitation I say: the number 7?

Never did find out what else was odd

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boreddudemo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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Why are Ireland going into another lockdown?

Because their numbers keep Dublin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lasvegasrainbow
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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My daughter just dropped a dad joke that made me super proud.

We're celebrating my daughter's 4th birthday party today. She puts her giant number 4 balloon on her head, turns to me and says "Look daddy, it's a four-head!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PsychicGnome
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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My friend Herb was kidnapped!

I just received a ransom call from a unrecognized number asking if I want to get Herb alive

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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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tbh, all the jokes in /r/dadjokes are pretty numb

the jokes in /r/mathjokes are number.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zekerosh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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For math lovers and others to
  1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal? Because he would have to convert.

  2. Why do plants hate math? It gives them square roots.

  3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average? It was a mean thing to say!

  4. Why was the math book depressed? It had a lot of problems.

  5. Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated? Because it is never right.

  6. Why can you never trust a math teacher holding graphing paper? HeΒ must be plotting something.

  7. Why was the equal sign so humble? Because she knew she wasn’t greater than or less than anyone else.

  8. What do you call the number 7 and the number 3 when they go out on a date? The odd couple

  9. What do you call a number that can’t stay in one place? A Roamin’ numeral.

  10. Did you hear the one about the statistician? Probably.

  11. What do you call dudes who love math? Algebros.

  12. I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trig. I’ll even do statistics. But graphing is where I draw the line!

  13. Why should you never talk to Pi? Because she’ll go on and on and on forever.

  14. Why are parallel lines so tragic if they have so much in common? It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

  15. Are monsters good at math? Not unless you Count Dracula.

  16. What’s the best way to flirt with a math teacher? Use acute angle.

  17. Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers? They’d stop at nothing to avoid them.

  18. How do you stay warm in any room? Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.

  19. Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven eight ("ate") nine!

  20. Why DID seven eat nine? Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!

  21. Why does nobody talk to circles? Because there is no point.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InvestWithArihant
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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I hate negative numbers.

I will stop at nothing to avoid going into negative numbers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Feels_Bad_Man19
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are pirates bad for a pandemic?

Why are pirates bad for a pandemic?

Because they keep raising the Arrr number!

(my first dadjokes post!)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IndySun
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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You know what’s really odd?

Numbers not divisible by 2.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zRage4
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A few puns make me numb

But math puns make me number

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/apapipay
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, β€œHa! That’s not going to help!”

β€œSure, it does.” I said. β€œIt’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
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Some puns are so bad, when I hear them I feel numb

When I hear a math pun, I feel number

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AWasayAsim
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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English puns make me feel numb

But math puns make me feel number

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OoRicky92oO
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
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My girlfriend says she can’t see too well without her glasses.

So I asked her what numbers she could see.

πŸ‘︎ 158
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HiddenPictures
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach.

Ha! That’s not going to help, she said. Sure, it does, I said. Its the only way I can see the numbers.

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBigReeeeee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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Poop jokes aren’t my favorite type of jokes

But there a solid number 2

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joshy-Squashy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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I said to my best friend ’The words can’t describe how beautiful you are!

But numbers can. 7/10’(stolen from r/memes)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ibrohm
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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