Dragging Puns

Mountain climbing with a friend is very hard.

The man says, "Lady, you ever tried to push one of these things out front?!?"

A dogged effort (and a good boi)

“Thanks, it’s pure bread!”.

He got car-pull-tunnel syndrome.

I replied, "More like he'll be trippin' the way I see it."

but I think he's just Biden his time.

Everyday since he started working there. Everyday he would drag the chain in clunk clunk clunk and set it down by his desk. At the end of the day he would pick the chain up sling most of it over his shoulder and drag the chain out clunk clunk clunk. At the end of the third day his coworker couldn't take it any more. "I gotta know! Why are you dragging this chain in and out of work everyday since you started working here?" He replied "Well, I'd look like hell trying to push it in here wouldn't I?"

Courtesy of my Father-in-law.

When the light drops the first banana split, the other peeled out.

A cross-dresser

Broom Broom

I still can't believe the guy in high heels won.

The Fat And The Furious

I’ve always found them to be very uplifting.

He had a Wigan address

Every morning I took him out for a drag.

You gotta deal with the con sequins

[Just thought of this after hardly any sleep. Figures.]

I'm tired of being taken for granite

She's having a hard time taking notes.

I'm serious, it made the news headlines "Cereal killer sixth victim"

I had this thought the other day, but it only works as an image.

Drag and Drop https://imgur.com/a/uQ5eglz

"Bro, would you cut me some slack?"

When it was done she said "we're all stocked up!"

I dragged a quart of milk 3,000ft up El Capitan in Yosemite to tell this LEDGE AND DAIRY joke to my pun loving climbing partner

https://i.imgur.com/vClqWea.jpg

"That's amazing" I said "how did you know to do that? Are you a vet?" "Vet?" He asked. 'of corse I'm vet. I was in zee sea"

Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.

Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.

1. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
2. Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees...poo poos, quickly please
3. Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find, obviously not your dogs as you have not bought it yet ??
4. Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially during muddy times
5. Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor
6. Carry sticks and branches indoors and chop them up on your carpet
7. Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor....walk barefooted over it in the dark
8. Drop some chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning and then try to clean it in the evening
9. Wear socks to which you have made holes using a blender
10. Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door
11. Cover all your best clothes with dog hair, dark clothes with blond hairs and light clothes with dark hairs
12. Tip all just ironed clothes on the floor
13. Make little pin holes in all your furniture, especially chair and table legs
14. When doing dishes, splash water all over the place and don't wipe it.
15. Spread toilet paper all over the house when you leave the house and tidy up when you get back home
16. Forget any impulse holidays and/or breaks
17. Always go straight home after work or school
18. Go for walks no matter what the weather, and inspect every dirty paper, chewing gum and dead fly you might find
19. Stand at your back door at five in the morning shouting, "Bring Mr Bumble and Mr Lion in, its raining.”
20. Wake up at 3am. Place a correct size bag of flour on top of yourself and try to sleep, whilst wiping your face with a dishcloth, which you have left next to your bed in a bowl last week.
    Repeat everyday over 6 months and if you still think getting a puppy sounds like a good idea, Congratulations, you might be ready for your kids to get your puppy.

... guess you could say he sleighed it

So I packed up her stuff and left.

Me: I hope there is a lot of ado.

Wife: Huh?

MC: Ladies and Gentlemen, without further ado....

Me: Shit.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

“Well” said Jeff, “As I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

“Yes of course” replied Trevor

GoDIVA

One of the villagers turned and asked another, "what happened?"

She told him, "he's been arrested for forgery."

She used one whore's power.

...everything was a drag.

It doesn’t matter it’s not going to come anyways

After the race he said "Well that was pretty straight forward."

EDIT:Well, at least this wasn't a drag of a thread

Mountain climbing with a friend is hard.

Mountain climbing with a friend is hard

I learned that mountain climbing solo is a lot easier.

Mountain climbing with a friend is hard.

Thank you.

To be honest, I didn’t care for it much. It felt like a drag.

I took him out for a drag last night

It's murder trying to run in heels.