A list of puns related to "Down Feathers"
The outside.
My grandfather, in his younger days, retired from his NASCAR dreams to do construction so he could raise a family. Fast forward 45 years to 1994. I was around 15. My grandfather, grandmother, her mother, and I were on the return trip from the Costco and liquor store just inside the no sales tax state of Oregon. My grandfather was, as usual, driving. He raced for Lincoln and they sponsored him so they gave him a really good lifetime discount. He drove a brand new Continental his entire life. He always raced down to Oregon as fast as he could and then tried beating his time while driving back. Suddenly, at about 140mph, a Pheasant committed suicide on the front end. We could see feathers occasionally come loose. Grandpa already had a couple minutes to make up. Needless to say, despite my grandma's insistance, stopping to investigate wasn't in the plans. When we got home, he was cussing an ill timed traffic light with a bored motorcycle cop parked on the sidewalk waiting for his target. My grandma and great grandma nearly died when, without batting an eye, grandpa pulled the Pheasant off the car, grabbed his Gerber knife, and stripped, cleaned, and threw the bird on the BBQ. I was in dying from laughter at this point. Grandma and my great grandma were dying from embarrassment. He offered them some and grandma angrily refused for the 3 of us, calling it road kill. Without skipping a beat, he calmly replied "This isn't road kill, it's Continental Wild Pheasant, Twice-Grilled."
But my wife cried fowl. Feeling down I ordered one with bird feathers.
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
Wife and I were driving down the street and saw the male and female peacocks together, which was rare. The male was spreading its feathers trying to impress the female.
Wife said, "Oh. We have to stop and take a picture!" I said, "No. Bro code. Can't interrupt him when he's macking." Wife was confused and asked what the hell I was talking about.
"Bros don't peacock block bros."
So my grandad came over to visit recently and my dad asked him what his favourite pub in the area was. He answered "Oh I can't remember the name. It's the one where you go towards Chard and turn left by the Feathers and keep going down that road until you see it on your right."
I know the area pretty well but there is no place I know of called 'The Feathers' so I asked him "Where's the feathers?"
He replied "Around the duck's bottom."
My friend and I were having a conversation about down comforters and pillows, and how she loves them but the feathers always end up coming out and poking her.
My only response "Well, that's a real downer"
Whenever it gets cold, I get out my big, goose-feather filled blanket. AND EVERY TIME...
Dad: Hey what's up? Everything but goose feathers, that's down.
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