0mg?! You gotta be sheeting me Doc!
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Oct 21 2020
Me: Doc, I have hearing problems
Doc: Could you describe the symptoms?
Me: Marge has blue hair and Homer is a fat guy
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 02 2021
Doc: "Sir, you've caught a very rare disease. "
Me: "How rare?"
Doc: "You pick the name.
π︎ 141
π
︎ Nov 06 2020
[At the therapist] Me: Doc, I have a crippling fear of big, empty spaces.
Therapist: A void?
Me: Thatβs good advice. Thanks.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 07 2021
Whoβs Doc Brownβs favorite Star Wars character?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 27 2020
A man bursts into his therapist's office and says, "Doc, you gotta help me. I keep dreaming I'm stuck inside a deck of cards!"
The therapist looked up from his paperwork and said, "I'm busy now. I'll deal with you later."
π︎ 10
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
What do you call a pair of docs?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 22 2020
Docs here to serve
π︎ 38
π
︎ Jul 05 2020
βDoc, I think I might have ADHD, because I canβt remember where I parked my Ford!β
Doctor: Thatβs not how ADHD works.
Man: But I keep losing my Focus!
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Sep 19 2019
My doc seems to think I either have a wizard or orthopedic footwear...
He said I have mage or healthy shoes.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 25 2020
My doc said I shouldn't be making puns on diabetes its a serious disease..
I said I can't help it doc, its a pun-creatic disease.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 22 2020
A man tells his doctor : "Doc, help me, I'm addicted to Twitter"
The doctor replies : "Sorry I don't follow you..."
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jun 07 2020
What is Doc Brown's favorite drink?
π︎ 35
π
︎ Feb 14 2020
Doc's office takin' the piss out of ya!
π︎ 18
π
︎ Mar 01 2020
A man walks into a doctors office. βWhat seems to be the problem?β Asks the doc. βItβs... um... well... i have five penises.β Replies the man. βBlimey!β Says the doctor, βhow do your trousers fit?β βLike a glove.β
π︎ 272
π
︎ Sep 11 2019
βDoc, all five of my sons want to be valets when they grow up!β
Doctor: Holy shit, this is the worst case of parking sonβs disease Iβve ever seen!
π︎ 54
π
︎ Jan 18 2020
A guy wakes up from surgery. "How'd it go, Doc?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is that we amputated the wrong leg...
The good news is that your other leg is all better."
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 12 2020
I went to the docs because of sore feet..
He said "Gout."
I replied "But I've just got here."
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 06 2020
βDoc, I feel constopetid!!β
Doctor: I think you mean constipated.
Man: No, I had a vowel movement.
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Jul 16 2018
Doc Visit
When Dermatologist finishes looking me over, he asks if anything strange was on my penis. ( I was wearing undies). I said " once in awhile the wife"
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 26 2020
Nurse: Okay doc, here's the list of heart and kidney donors in alphabetical order
Doc: Wow, it's very organized ;)
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 16 2020
A bloke was getting upset when he found out he needed glasses. βOh glasses doc, do I have to wear them?β
βOnly if you want to seeβ
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 14 2020
Doctor: Sir, I am sorry to say that you have onomatopoeia... Patient: What is it, doc?
Doctor: Itβs exactly what it sounds like.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Jun 28 2018
Wow i have to take onenote from that guy, made me laugh so bad i had to go to the DOC
π︎ 25
π
︎ Apr 22 2019
My friend just emailed a file called RomeoandJuliet.doc.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Dec 13 2019
Thanks doc!
π︎ 37
π
︎ Jun 17 2019
βIβm afraid I have some very bad news,β the doctor says to this guy. βYouβre dying, and you donβt have much time left.β βOh, thatβs terrible!β says the man. βGive it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?β βTenβ¦β the doctor says slowly.
βNine... eightβ¦ seven...β
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 16 2019
The doc gave me 6 months to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 20 years
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 24 2019
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. βWhatβs wrong with me doc?β He asks ...
βItβs easy, you just not eating properlyβ the doctors replies.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Oct 01 2019
I found an old file on my computer Romeo&Juliet.doc
Turns out that it was a play on word.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jun 25 2019
Doc Holliday
π︎ 13
π
︎ Oct 31 2018
βI told you Doc!! Iβve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: βSir, Iβll say it again, thatβs A Fib!β
Sorry, Itβs not a good hearted joke.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 26 2019
I told my doc I need help because I'm addocted to Twitter...
Doc said he doesn't follow.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 09 2019
So I walked into doctorβs office and said βDoc can you help me out ?β
He said βSure, which way did you come in?β
π︎ 44
π
︎ Jun 03 2019
Went to see my doc to get small squares drawn all over me.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 15 2019
A man walks into the Drs office with a duck on his head. The doctor says "What can I do for you today?" The duck says "Doc, can you get this guy off my tail?"
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jul 20 2019
Boba Fett has been hired to steal Doc Brownβs time machine
Heβs after that manβs delorean
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 26 2019
-Doc, I have hearing problems
-Could you describe the symptoms?
-Marge has blue hair and Homer is a fat guy
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Feb 01 2020
A therapist was with a client when another client burst in and said, "Doc, you gotta help me! I keep having a nightmare that I'm stuck inside a deck of cards."
The therapist looked at him calmly and said, "I'm with another client. I'll deal with you later."
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 04 2020
βDoc, I think I have ADHD. I keep forgetting where I parked my Ford.β
Doctor: Thatβs not how ADHD works.
βBut I keep losing my Focus!β
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Jul 16 2019
A patient bursts into his therapist's office and shouts, "Doc, you gotta help me. I keep dreaming that I'm trapped in a deck of cards!"
The therapist turns from his current patient and says, "I'm busy now. I'll deal with you later."
π︎ 79
π
︎ Mar 09 2020
Doc, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!
Doc: Wow! Thatβs the worst case of parking sonβs disease I have ever seen.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Dec 12 2019
"Doc, all my 5 kids want to be valets when they grow up!"
Doctor: "Wow! That's the worst case
of parking son's disease I've ever
seen.''
π︎ 17
π
︎ Oct 27 2019
βI feel like such a failure, doc. All my 5 boys want to be valets when they grow up.β
Doctor: WOW! Thatβs the worst case of parking sonβs disease Iβve ever seen.
π︎ 733
π
︎ Apr 30 2018
A man walks into a doctors office. "What seems to be the problem'P" Asks the doc. um... well... I have five penises," replies the man. "Blimey!" Says the doctor "how do your trousers fit?"
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 11 2019
Patient: I think I have ADHD I canβt remember where I parked my Ford. Doc: That doesnβt really mean anything... Patient: But I keep losing my focus
π︎ 10
π
︎ Nov 08 2019
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