I was once walking my dog along a promenade during a storm. I got chatting to a German tourist. While we were talking, my dog decided to go for a swim. It was clear he was struggling then he got dragged under. The German dived in, pulled him out and did cpr. The dog coughed then came back to life

"That's amazing" I said "how did you know to do that? Are you a vet?" "Vet?" He asked. 'of corse I'm vet. I was in zee sea"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedDogBoyMark
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
🚨︎ report
If your parachute fails while sky diving, it’s okay...

...you have the rest of your life to fix it.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
The public pool sector must be taking a real dive right now
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ruzenu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Let's get this game kracken and dive right in this game :D
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boycatlover
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of chocolate do Australian diving fans eat?

Godiva

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ronaldo_McDonald
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do scuba divers dive backwards?

Because if they did forward, they'd end up in the boat.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/raaalphs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
While we were out on the lake, my girlfriend swore she saw a bird dive into the water...

What a loon!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Why shouldn't blind people sky dive??

It scares the dog.

πŸ‘︎ 288
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OhThatGuy625
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw an interview with Sean Connery about how he used to scuba dive for seafood. He said, "everytime I saw a crab or lobster with a scrap of food, it was frantically seaching for a place to hide so it could eat alone. Then I thought to myself,

that's shellfish."

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Bet choo didn't see that coming
πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tyso3600
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Sent my dad a nearby dive photo of sea lions in kelp & told him it made me officially excited to do local/non-tropical dives... his reply?

Well, that seals the deal!

It got a good laugh out of me. Photo here for the curious.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NePasToucher
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My brother and I are really competitive, and he just broke my record for deep sea diving.

This is a new low.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can’t trans women go diving

Because they’re boyn’t

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bf213741
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor the first day I was hired.

Deep down, I realized it wasn’t for me.

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A buddy of mine wanted me to go scuba diving..

I just couldn’t fathom the idea

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrisonMike1111
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do blind people hate sky diving?

It scares the hell out of their dogs.

πŸ‘︎ 124
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Dive into the Pool of Love
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reddit_jb2xs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Is the pool safe for diving?

It deep ends.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
If I ever became a scuba instructor that did group dives...

I’d like to be referred to as the β€œwetting planner.”

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/w00dw0rk3r
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I applied for a job as an Instructor at a Scuba Diving center... The interviewer asked me if I can work well under pressure
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
A man decides to fulfill his lifelong dream of owning a horse, and goes to a local breeder

Not having much knowledge of the animals, he asks the owner to show him around and tell him about different breeds. "Sure, let's go," says the owner, and brings him over to the paddocks.

"So a lot depends on what you want the animal for," he says, and gestures to a powerful stallion running laps. "Over there, you've got your Type A horse: strong, fast, and a little unpredictable, but great if you want to get somewhere in a hurry."

"I think that'd be a little much for me," the man says, and the owner nods, then brings him over to see a mare quietly chomping at some hay in the shade. "This is a Type B horse - tends to be quiet and they're good companions, but not much for doing work."

The man pauses to think about what he wants the animal for, then looks over at a nearby pond and sees a horse swimming and diving over and over again. "What the heck is that one doing?" he asks the owner. "Oh, him? That's a C horse."

πŸ‘︎ 264
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend wanted to go cliff diving but he had to take his emotional support device for unclogging using suction...

So he took the plunger.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I just got my degree in Sky Diving.

I had to drop out to graduate.

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
The quality of puns has taken a real dive recently but wait until you sea mine
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fair_SOTS
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm considering marrying a high earning ceo who doesn't want children, but I'm sad about the prospect of giving up my scuba diving hobby.

It's illegal to DINK and dive.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arrenlex
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get for diving into a wave of oranges.

Vitamin Sea.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bbbbra
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I went deep sea diving and a mollusk wanted to give me a hug!

Damn cuddlefish always wanting to participate in PDAs...

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend was telling me about how a shark attacked her while she was diving

I told her, that bites.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cantseemeatall
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
a man dives in bowl of milk

man cereal

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Conehead_Carrot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife drove our German car off the pier into the sea. The next day I went diving to look for it.

I got the Benz.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wabisabi68
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I surprised the judges at my last diving competition by performing a cannonball.

I made a huge splash

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water when they dive?

Because if they went forward, they’d fall into the boat.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mckim10
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2017
🚨︎ report
I went to the veterinarian hospital the other day and was surprised to see that they had a small room reserved just to treat diving birds.

It was a little aukward.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
🚨︎ report
My career counsellor keeps encouraging me to drop out.

Thanks to her, I’m graduating from Sky diving school.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor after my first day at work.

Deep down I realized it wasn’t for me.

πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I just quit my job as a scuba diving instructor.

Deep down, I realized it wasn’t for me.

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Is the pool safe for diving?

It deep ends.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Is the pool safe for diving?

It deep ends.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Is the pool safe for diving?

It deep ends.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Is this pool safe for diving?

It deep ends.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TightSurprise
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Is the pool safe for diving?

It deep ends.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Is the pool safe for diving?

It deep ends.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked if the pool was safe for diving.

They said, β€œIt deep ends.”

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do scuba divers dive backwards off boats?

Because if they dove forwards they’d dive into the boat!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sexy-dad-b0d
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Is this pool safe for diving?

It deep ends.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kaidendeck
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife drove our German car off the pier and into the sea. The next day I went diving and found it.

I got the Benz.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wabisabi68
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
🚨︎ report

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