Discount Dad Joke
I have a coupon tattooed on my arm that I scan every time I buy groceries.
Some people give me dirty looks, but then I redeem myself.
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︎ Feb 18 2021
Can anybody give me some advice to help me removing ice from my windshield? I just tried with a discount card I had In my pocket
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︎ Jan 15 2021
What is it called when you get a discount on explosives?
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︎ Jan 27 2021
What's everyone been using to scrape ice off their cars? I have been using a discount card.
Only been getting 25% off.
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︎ Jan 11 2021
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
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︎ Nov 02 2020
I'm opening a steel mill that also sells the steel for a discount
It's called He Who Smelt it Dealt it
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︎ Jul 21 2020
Should crematoriums give discounts...
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︎ May 16 2020
There's a discount to get into our local aquarium, as long as you're camping, or dressed as a dolphin.
So, to all in tents and porpoises, it's free!
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︎ May 20 2020
I got my first senior discount at the seafood restaurant last night.
It smelled good but it tasted like caarp.
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︎ Jul 10 2020
I bought a discount bed sheet off of Facebook.
Turned out to be a sham...
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︎ Jun 01 2020
Sign at the entrance to the car park of our local Lidl (discount supermarket)
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︎ Feb 23 2019
I donβt know why people arenβt purchasing my discount marionettes!
There are no strings attached!
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︎ Dec 14 2019
I'm planning on starting a discount amputation clinic
I'm gonna call it Half Off For Half Off
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︎ Oct 30 2019
Its bloody cold today just had to use my Companyβs staff discount card to scrape the ice off my windscreen.
Still only managed to get 10% off....
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︎ Jan 31 2019
Did you hear about the LASIK patient that ended up getting an unexpected two for one discount on their surgery?
It was an eye deal situation
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︎ Mar 13 2019
I asked my personal trainer to give me a discount...
He said I'll try to stretch your money
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︎ Jul 14 2019
What discount website/app do fish use for cheaper goods?
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︎ Aug 06 2019
There was an amazing discount on canoes at Dick' s sporting goods.
It was quite the oar deal.
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︎ Apr 13 2019
I couldnβt find my car scraper this morning so had to use a store discount card to scrape the ice...
Didnβt really work though, I only got 20% off
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︎ Feb 02 2019
Have you heard about the new discount airline, Scavenger Air?
They only allow carrion bags.
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︎ Feb 07 2019
Did you hear that the discount hitman, Arthur, struck again at Safeway?
Yep. The headline read βArty chokes two for a dollar at local supermarket!β
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︎ Jan 09 2019
The boat shop was having a huge discount on all their Galleons and Brigantines for Black Friday this year.
It was the biggest sail event theyβve ever had.
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︎ Nov 24 2018
If you had to pay for reddit and were offered a discount on a subscription bundle to r/funny, r/comedycemetry and r/jokes
Would that be a cents off humour failure?
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︎ Apr 29 2018
I got the tickets to a talk show, organised by a group of robbers, at a heavy discount
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︎ Feb 28 2019
I Wanna Open a Discount Grocery Store Where Everything Expires In a Week...
...gonna call it Best By.
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︎ Jan 05 2018
I asked the manager for a family discount and he said "Sir, I don't even know you."
I said "I know that, but I have a family."
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︎ Nov 17 2018
Too late I realized the new jar of discount mayonnaise felt light. When I opened it up the pristine surface collapsed into a large air pocket.
Yes it was a sinkhole de mayo.
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︎ May 11 2018
Frodo always gets the best discounts at JCPenney
Probably because he has the one ring to rule the mall.
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︎ Oct 07 2018
At the coffee shop they sell day old pastries at a discount
My dad asked if he could get an additional discount since they are now year old pastries.
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︎ Jan 01 2018
I work in a bar. Today a lady looked at our wine list, bad-mouthed the soil the grapes grew in, and tried to get us to discount her bill.
I said, "You pay full price, ma'am. We don't negotiate with terroirists."
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︎ May 30 2018
Despicable Me toys for sale. Huge discounts.
Just head over to Gru Pawn.
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︎ Jan 28 2017
Got my wife looking at discount Valentine's Day candy
Wife: "How much are kisses?"
Me: "Kisses are free!"
kisses wife
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︎ Feb 18 2016
Did you know that ShakespearΔ once sold off-season discount camping supplies?
It was the winter of his discount tents.
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︎ Apr 17 2017
I just bought a bunch of Steve Martin movies in bulk at a discount.
I guess he really is cheaper by the dozen.
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︎ Jan 19 2014
I couldnβt find my car scraper this morning so I had to use a store discount card to scrape the ice
It didnβt really work though, only got 20% off
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︎ Feb 03 2019
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