Did you hear about the guy who went on a fruit diet? In just 2 days, he became completely obnoxious

Evidently, it is enough to make a Mango crazy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Esmeralda_i
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the man who abandoned his diet, for an ice cream cone?

What a desserter!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cabbithunt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
After careful consideration, I’ve decided to go on an entirely vegetarian based diet.

I will now only eat animals that are herbivores.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thestateofflow
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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My girlfriend's walked out on me, saying she's sick to death of my healthy, but boring diet.

Never mind though, plenty more fish in the freezer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet...

It made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I’m on a whiskey diet.

I’ve lost three days already.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LayThatPipe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
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So I started that Ketogenic diet and my bowel movements have improved drastically!

So this is just a β€œquality shit post”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Senor-Sarcasm
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife says I'm on a seafood diet....

When I see food, I eat it!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZOODUDE100
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
🚨︎ report
John Bon Jovi has started an extremely strict fruit only diet...

He's living on a pear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
What is the best diet for a golfer?

Greens only

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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Last week I tried an all banana diet.

I didn’t find it very appealing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mconion
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet....

I get hungry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I've started my new diet. It's called the Saudi Arabian cannibal diet...

You just have a Sheikh for breakfast.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
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My wife complains that I'm getting fat. So this winter I decided to diet.

It's called inter"mitten" fasting to keep my hands of food

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gp_11
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the bodybuilder ask the other bodybuilder when wanting details about his diet?

How much do you whey?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blan_Uator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Don’t knock it until you diet
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mister_Aitch
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife is on a tropical fruit diet, the house is full of stuff

It is enough to make a mango crazy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I changed my diet...

...the cookies now stand left of my keyboard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pistolenkrebs
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ..

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis (edited, thanks kind friends for the correction!)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/banditk77
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Maintaining a healthy diet...

is a piece of cake

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Diet Diary, Day one : Have just removed all the fattening food from the House..

..and it was so delicious.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Well, I've been on a diet for a whole week now...

And I've lost 7 days.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What is a redhead's favorite diet?

Paleo!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can’t Swiss cheese be part of a fat-free diet?

It’s made with hole milk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KoolaidPower
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Carbs are great for your diet
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kapil300
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I thought about going on an all almond diet

But that would be just nuts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you heard of this diet?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/senpaiboey
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I wanted to go on a diet,

But there’s too much on my plate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/d_for_effort
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my friend his β€˜hundred eggs in five days’ diet made me deathly ill.

He told me that was an eggsaturation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Duzervee
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle drink dialed me the other night and told me he was going on an exclusively almond diet.

I said, "That's just nuts."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boodahbellie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Most Men Don't Have Enough Fiber In Their Diet. Crazy Isn't It?

Tough Shit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FadedHaseeb
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going to start an all cashew diet

But then I realized that’s just nuts...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm on the Minecraft diet.

Three square meals a day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MelkorHimself
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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The other day, I told my son a joke about his pet iguana’s diet.

Crickets.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I went on a gluten free diet because I was experiencing constant headaches.

And it actually worked. Clearly my-grains were the issue here.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yubisaki_Milk_Tea
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My Doctor has me on a diet to help epilepic attacks...

Mainly spasmati rice and seizure salads...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet...

It really made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe leannnnnnn.... 🎢

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jamesnearn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend Joe went on the Dolly Parton diet.

It really made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend Joe went on the Dolly Parton diet.

It really made Joe Lean, Joe Lean, Joe Lean, Joe Lean

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnbob-John
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm on a seafood diet

I see food and I eat it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/artinmens
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend started an all fruit diet yesterday, the house is FULL of the stuff.

ItsΒ enoughΒ toΒ makeΒ aΒ mangoΒ crazy!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/runew0lf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an incredible set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. Plus, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Edit: I do now realize I misspelled Gandhi. I cannot edit the title, just know that I see it and am sorry.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SamuraiSAM5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hatlesshobo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him, A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

πŸ‘︎ 249
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I thought about going on an all-almond diet

But that's just nuts.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StallionGameDev
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him, A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Edit: Wow! Didn't expect this big reaction! Thanks for the silver! Edit 2: And gold!? Thanks again! :)

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/auroraborora
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report

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