Chemistry professor: Is it a good or bad thing that ice is less dense than (floats in) water?

Me: It wasn't good for the Titanic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
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In Yosemite, I once found a chunk of metal that was more dense in the center of it.

Hard core park ore

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LifeIsDuff
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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What country has the most dense population?

America

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nedmath
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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Once upon a time there were two little skunks.

Their names were In and Out. They lived in a hollow tree stump with their mother. Sometimes they liked to play inside, and sometimes outside.

One day, In was outside, and Out was inside. Mamma skunk asked Out to go find his brother. So Out went out, to bring In in. A short while later they both came inside. Mamma asked Out how he managed to find his brother so fast.

He smiled and said: "Instinct"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smoffatt34920
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
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How would you describe a car after a big hailstorm?

Dense with dents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
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The spread of Covid 19 is based on 2 factors....
  1. How dense the population is.

  2. How dense the population is.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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Go inside dense?

Thin knot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smm_h
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
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Son, I'm not saying your girlfriend is dense...

But light bends around her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InterwebWeasel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2018
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Are you dense, mate? imgur.com/HtYxCfT
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jagdidkw
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2014
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Need help figuring out a pun

My work uses punny names for all its example scenarios. Things like Dustin Dubree, Dora Jarr, Duane Pipes, etc.

One of them is David Jochim and no one in my class of 7 can figure this out.

So it’s either not a pun, or we’re dense.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CarcosanAnarchist
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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My 9 year old returns with another joke for you all!

What is the stupidest thing in the universe?

A black hole, because it's so dense!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Valenshyne
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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I have a platinum joke

You might think it dense

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josentangles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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Dense dad

The glass had two different colored layers.

Me: " Hey check out the tea I"m steeping"

Dad: "It must have different dense-i-teas"

Stressed exactly like you think it sounds.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eabigyear
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2015
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All I would like for Christmas is a mind controlled air freshener

It makes sense when you think about it

(Say it out loud if you're confused)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazyQueen502
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
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What is the fastest liquid on earth???

Milk, because it's pasteurized before you see it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drake_Pancake
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2015
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Book and a bullet
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZeroOne_01
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2017
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When I was 10 my Mom told me to take my brother to a movie so she could set up for his surprise birthday party.

That was when I realized he was her favorite twin, not me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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He broke this one out when teaching me about tools.

"Okay, so this is the screwdriver, this is the wrench, and this, well, you know the drill."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/T0BIASNESS
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2013
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Excess weight could soon be Canada’s second leading preventable cause of cancer, report says

It’s a heavy problem

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KfirLA
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
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A dadjoke set for the kindergarten crowd

If you ever end up having to entertain kids around kindergarten age (5 or 6 years old) here are some jokes you can use.

Write the letter Y on a board or piece of paper. Ask, "Can you tell me what this letter is?" and they'll say "Y", to which you respond, "Because I want to know how smart you are."

After a bit of back and forth you can look exasperated that they don't get it (when of course it is you who don't get it), then say, "Okay here's an easy one, can you tell me what this word is?" Write down the word NO and of course the kids will say "NO" and you can say, "You don't know what this word is?" or "You know what it is but you won't tell me?" Kids usually think it's hilarious that an adult can be this dense.

For kids who can spell words, you can use ones like "duck" and then when they say it you can duck as if something is coming at you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dmethvin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
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Do you know why black holes are so stupid?

They’re very dense

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ForgetsPotato
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
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What did one black hole say to the other black hole when it asked a silly question?

Stop being so dense.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mattt_MSI
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
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Despite my excellent instructions, my student keeps sinking instead of swimming.

He must be too dense.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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If Charles Dance was made of lead...

he'd be Charles Dense.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sinius
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
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Dadjoked my girlfriend on vacation

Was driving next to a dense forest on the highway, when I spotted a family of deer. Naturally, I slowed down and when I passed them I said, "Hi deer!"then I turned to the ladyfriend and said "Hi dear!"

Got an eye roll and a smile.

I quickly replied with "you know that was fawny" which got me punched in the arm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rufdog2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2016
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TIL you can determine wether or not a person is stupid based on their taste in music.

For instance, metal-heads are pretty damn dense.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/C0NSTABEL
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2018
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I was arguing with a black hole.

Too dense to listen though.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/termiAurthur
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2017
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So I signed up for an orienteering course in a Polish resort...

It was in a dense forest, and the instructor was waiting for me when I arrived. I pulled out my compass, but he laughed and shook his head. "That won't work here, you know," he said, pointing at my compass. "What do you mean?" I asked, "This is an orienteering course, isn't it?" "Ja, it is an orienteering course, but you can a compass not use." I was very puzzled at this point, and I questioned, "Why?" "There are too many Poles."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rockybond
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2017
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I saw a lead statue of Oedipus at Goodwill once.

That was one dense motherfucker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mistah_Blue
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2014
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Got dad-joked by my dad and he didn't realize it until afterward.

Me: There's a dense fog rolling into Cleveland from the lake.

Dad: That's eErie.

pause

followed by laughter on both ends

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JMRoss90
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2015
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To a coworker

Talking about books.

Her: "Have you heard of the Annals of the HeeChee? Terrible books I read as a kid. Aliens who live in a black hole."

Me: "Sounds dense."

Her: "It wasn't too bad, it was--oh."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jp_in_nj
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2015
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A Dad stopped me in the middle of a thick crowd to lay this one on me

Yesterday was Opening Day (baseball) at Target Field (Minnesota). The first 10,000 or so fans received a free blue zip-up hoodie with "Twins" emblazoned on the front. It's a damn fine hoodie.

It's also packed on the stadium concourse. 40,123 attendees that day. As my husband and I are making our way through a dense crowd along the right field concourse, an older gentleman stops me in my tracks with this big grin and says, "Wow, that's a great sweatshirt! Where'd you get it?"

He was holding one in his hand.

His other hand was holding that of his wife, who was rolling her eyes pretty hard. I imagine that was neither the first nor last time he'd made that joke yesterday.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bachrock37
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2015
🚨︎ report
COVID numbers are largely based off of two factors
  1. How dense the population is
  2. How dense the population is
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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Covid spreads based on two factors
  1. A dense population
  2. A population being dense
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πŸ‘€︎ u/welltechnically7
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
🚨︎ report
The spread of Covid-19 is based mostly on two factors
  1. How dense the local population is
  2. How dense the local population is
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Martijngamer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
The spread of coronavirus is based on two key factors:
  1. How dense the population is
  2. How dense the population is
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
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