Decked Puns

They kept coming over singing those damn Christmas carols. Bah humbug!

I don’t know how to deal with them.

The therapist looks up from his paperwork, looks at the man, and says, "I'm busy at the moment, so I'll deal with you later."

You keeled my father. Prepare two die.

*I sent this to my brother and he replies: Was his name Inyougo?

^(What a freaking professional)

I'm a big deal around here.

They get lost at C

I’m having a hard time dealing with this.

Luckily I got the first punch in.

Turd rock from the sun.

Because the captain was on deck.

It shuffles.

(a true dad joke, from my 9-year old)

The King of Spade.

I was in solitaire confinement.

They were always disappointed when I showed them it was just a regular deck with dog poop on it.

https://preview.redd.it/6fjp1ey3av951.jpg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5f316e956e212e100c3fe44cbaef56333f1c2c9a

The bartender comes to him and says 'you look different now, is anything wrong'

Pirate: 'Oh nothing'

'What about your leg, where did it go'

'I boarded a ship, slipped and it got eaten by a shark'

'What about the hook, where did the hand go'

'I lost it in a heated swordfight'

'Then how did you get the eyepatch'

'I was cleaning the deck and a bird pooped in it'

'That doesn't make any sense, how can you get an eyepatch from a bird pooping in your eye'

'It was my first day with the hook'

The bar tender says “wow how’d you get that peg leg?” The pirate says one day I was out sailing and a shark jumped aboard and tore it clean off” next the bartender asks “and the hook? How’d you get that?” The pirate responds “well we were out whaling and one leapt out of the water and bit my hand clean off” the bartender then asks, “ok so what about the eyepatch??” The pirate responds “I was out walking on the deck of my ship when I looked up and a seagull shit right in my eye” the bartender is a bit confused and says “that made you lose your eye?” “No” says the pirate “it was my first day with the hook!”

So far, I’m not a big fan of solitairy confinement

I said “No, I’m dad sitting.”

You should have pluralized it and more would have shown up!

Because he is sitting in his deck

Heartless

In the archive

Doctor : "Sit down, I'll deal with you later"

They assured me they were dealing with it.

It starts with Hearts and Diamonds and ends with a Club and a Spade

I got a full house and 3 people died.

Now I don’t know how to deal with it…

I don't know how to deal with it.

I’m finding it hard to deal with this.

I’m having a hard time dealing with this.

The therapist looked up from his paperwork and said, "I'm busy now. I'll deal with you later."

The therapist turns from his current patient and says, "I'm busy now. I'll deal with you later."

The therapist looked at him calmly and said, "I'm with another client. I'll deal with you later."

I find it extremely difficult to deal with.

I was in solitaire confinement.

I find that very hard to deal with.

I find that very hard to deal with.

I’m having a hard time dealing with it.

The captain was standing on the deck!

I was in solitaire confinement.