A pun walks into a bar
A pun walks into the bar and ten people drop dead.
Pun in, ten dead
😂🤣😂🤣
Do you know whats the best thing about dead batteries?
What do you do with a dead chemist?
I HATE HOW FUNERALS ARE ALWAYS AT 9AM
I'm not really a mourning person 😔
Ever hear what happened to the dead guy who was put on display?
Want to know how dead you are ?
Just put a % sign after your age.
I accidentally played 'dad' instead of 'dead' when the bear attacked..
Now, it can ride a bike without stabilisers.
Wanna contact a dead Italian....
Simple....Use a Luigi board.
I have a bunch of dead batteries if anyone is interested...
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
I once turned around and saw a dead body in an unlit corridor
I’m sorry, that took a dark turn
Will glass coffins ever be popular?
The king was found dead after the storm
Is this subreddit dead?
I haven't seen a post on it all year.
A local Ice-cream vendor was found dead in his van surrounded by sprinkles...
Police said he'd topped himself
Whats black and deadly and sits on rooftops
A crow with a machine gun
A Girl takes a pregnancy test, mortified, she looks her boyfriend, dead in the eyes, and says...
*while my dad and I drive past a cemetery*
Dad: "Did you know that the people who live in this town aren't allowed to be buried in that cemetery?"
Me: "Oh, why?"
Dad: "Cuz they're still alive."
What do you call a dead author?
My grandfather turned 90 today, but he still doesn’t need glasses.
He drinks straight from the bottle.
Roses are dead, Violets are dead...
There's a woman in the park selling batteries...
She sells, C cells by the seesaw.
What do you call a typo on a headstone?
What does a median do with a dead toe?
What’s a microscopic dead end street?
What do dead Norseman like in their chili?
What does a dead person do to lose weight?
I finally cleaned out my junk drawer and gave away all my dead batteries
Everyone was excited at the Autopsy club.
We live in Colorado and took my son outside today to play hide and seek for the first time. I pointed at the Rockies, looked him dead in the eye and said, "Under no circumstances can we allow them to play!" Confused, he ask why, so I explained, "Well, you see...
What’s the difference between a live pyre and a dead pyre?
What's the favorite movie of dead people?
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is pronounced dead after colliding with a flock of seagulls and a 747 over Madrid.
Eyewitnesses say the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane.
I got some devastating news from the hospital today. My dad was pronounced dead.
I can’t believe I’ve been pronouncing it wrong all this time.
Edit: this joke was straight up stolen from professional comedian Nick Nemeroff. I heard it on the radio so I didn’t have his name handy and thought it was awesome for this sub and had to post it before I forgot it. Thanks to Nick for commenting here below so that I could give him credit.
Texas Prisoner Found Dead After Consuming Smuggled Fish Eggs
What is the longest word?
Smiles. Because there's a mile between the two s.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
What's the difference between Outlaws and Inlaws ?
We have a box of dead batteries at home.
They are all free of charge
I took dead batteries from the store
They were free of charge.
My friend gave me some dead batteries
Best way to contact a dead Italian.....
What do you do with a dead chemist?
I accidentally played 'Dad' instead of 'Dead', when the bear attacked.
Now it can ride a bike without stabilisers.
What does a Mexican do with a dead toe?
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