That’s a really dart pun.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/learjet2014
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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From my 70 year old dad: I hung up a map of the US in the kitchen and gave my wife a dart. I told her we would go on a two week vacation wherever she stuck the dart.

Looks like we’ll be spending two weeks behind the fridge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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dart joke

Me, playing darts: Ah, that's a prime target

My friend: What?

Me: *throws dart* heel yeah, 13 pts!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirZbear
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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I asked a guy in a pub if he wanted a game of darts. He said β€œOK, nearest the bull starts”. ...

He went β€œBaaa” I went β€œMoooo” He said ok you start.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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Found out I’m allergic to ceiling mounted dart boards...

They always make me throw up

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Subtle_Static
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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My friends and I like to get together and play polo with our Rams, Challengers, Chargers and Darts...

Dodge ball can become dangerous, but it's fun.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...

Should make for some good clean shots.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeorgeBurnz
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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Gave my wife a dart and a map, "once this is over, I'll take you anywhere this lands"...

I guess we're going behind the fridge for two weeks!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mh-98
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
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My son has been throwing paper darts around and a big one got stuck in my butt crack

To be honest it’s a massive plane in the arse

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lukeurmyson
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
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Yesterday I purchased a world map and put it on the wall in the kitchen

I gave my wife a dart and said:" Throw this and, wherever it lands, i'll take you there for a holiday."

Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mac_OrchardYT
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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I’ve been having trouble with my darts sticking to the board lately...

Got any good tips?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/supercman99
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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You should try playing darts blindfolded.

You don't know what you're missing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
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There is a clear difference between a poison dart frog and a bullfrog.

As if it wasn't obvious enough...

They're two toad-ally different things!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ecquid-indignius
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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Lovely darts
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CircleGuy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
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Never play darts with children..

Their heads aren't nearly sharp enough

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lunarsee
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
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I saw a woman at the gas station pumping gas and trying to light a cigarette

I went inside to pay and saw two policemen in the store. I said "Did you guys see that woman out there?" They looked outside and suddenly darted out the door. I turn and see she caught her arm on fire.

The policemen threw a blanket around her and wrestled her to the ground and put out the fire. Then they gave her a ticket!

After they came inside I asked why they gave her a ticket. Turns out she didn't have a license for that firearm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/digeratisensei
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
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My mate was playing darts last night...

He said he got a double 25..... I think he's talking bull!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderHallow
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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Two vegans were travelling through a desert...

A few weeks into their journey, they ran out of food. Unable to find plants to eat, and after an entire day of discussion, they decided that if they found meat before plants, the would eat it.

A day later, in the distance, they saw a small tree. As they got closer, they saw that there were strips of perfectly cooked bacon hanging from the bare limbs.

The first vegan grew excited. "Look! It's a bacon tree! Food!" And with that, he took off running toward it.

The other vegan hung back, looking at it suspiciously. "No, wait!" he called. "That's not a bacon tree!"

"Sure it is! It's a bacon tree!" the first vegan yelled over his shoulder. When he reached the tree, he jumped, trying to reach the bacon from the lower branches, but before he could, a pair of wild boar darted out from behind the tree and skewered him on their tusks.

The other vegan shook his head. "I tried to tell you it wasn't a bacon tree. It was just a hambush..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VA_DiagSexAddict
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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I threw a firecracker towards a dart board.

It was bang on target.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
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Dad told Mom to throw a dart at a map to choose our next vacation while we all watched.

Our vacation will be to the veterinarian to take dart out of our cat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TMCBarnes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2017
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If there’s one thing that always makes me throw up...

It’s a dart board on the ceiling

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jweber96
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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I was throwing darts at a map of the continental united states when I...

Mich'd, again!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/minegam
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
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Her: Don’t you wish we could throw a dart randomly at the globe and go visit the place where it lands?

Me: Not really. There is a 70% chance we will be in the middle of the ocean.

Her: This is why no one hangs out with us anymore.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2018
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I was barred from a recent foam-firing toy tournament for lighting my darts on fire.

They didn't approve of my scorched nerf policy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gralatus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
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Roommate just bought a new Dodge Dart.
  • RM: (phone dying) I left my charger at work.
  • Me: But you have a Dart.
  • RM: What does that have to do... GOD DAMMIT!!!!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jbob5059
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2014
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I ran a tournament for tall, blind dart players.

It was all above board.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cistercianmonk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2017
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Had a dream I was playing darts with Sean Connery last night...

I couldn't tell if he was THAT bad at darts or if he was studying for a geography test because he kept repeating the phrase"Ah, Michigan."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevingcp
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2017
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So my Dad and I were playing Darts.

He was facing away from the Dart board at me drinking at the bar.

He says, "Watch this."

He turns around and throws a dart at the board and yells;

"ONE HUNDRED and EIGHTY!!!!!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Guano-
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2015
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Dad's been busy

RETIRED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local WalMart:

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

  1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

  2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

  3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

  4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

  5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

  6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

  7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

  8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

  9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

  10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

  11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.

  12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

  13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

  14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;

'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

  1. Took a bo
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/specklesinc
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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The Petting Zoo

So my girlfriend and I went to a petting zoo over the weekend. We were wandering around and watched an encounter with a young boy (probably 2) and a chicken. The boy was was following the chicken around clucking and waving his arms, with his father close behind.

The chicken became curious and darted towards the little boy, with that he screams and runs behind his dad. Without missing a beat, the dad chimes 'Woah, easy there - don't get startled or I'll be chicken your wrist for a pulse'

We made eye contact and I gave him the chuckle he deserved.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yoshi100
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2018
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(Long one) a kid was told to learn the first four letters of the aphabet

He wemt to his mum, who was doing work, and asked, "mum, whats the first letter of the alphabet?"

Mum: Shut up and go away!

Kid goes to his dad, who just got a perfect score in darts, and says: Dad, whats the second letter of the alphabet?

Dad: 180!!

Walks to older brother who was playing batman video games: whats the third letter of the alphabet?

Brother: na na na na na na na na BATMAN!

Walks up to younger brother playing with toys: whats the 4th letter of the alphabet?

Brother: driving my little red car.

Kid rolls up to school, ready to recite the first 4 letters of the alphabet.

Teacher: whats the first letter?

Kid: Shut up and go away!!

Teacher: HOW MANY HOURS OF DETENTION DO YOU WANT

Kid: 180!!

Teacher: WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

Kid: na na na na na na na na BATMAN

Teacher: HOW DO YKU THINK YOULL GET AWAY WITH THIS?!?

Kid: Driving my little red car

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CubingWithAlex
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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I'm tired of playing with nerf blasters

I'm dart bored

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
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There are three classes of cheerios

There are three classes of cheerios, the lower class (plain ol' cheerios), the middle class cheerios (frosted), and the elite class (honey nut). One soggy morning in Seattle, a plain cheerio awoke in his single room apartment. He looked out at the still sleepy city, blanketed in a mist of rain. He quickly got dressed and put his shoes on, this would be the day. He stood propped against the bus stop, smoking a cigarette. "God I have got to stop this habit." He thought to himself. Glancing back and forth at the bustle of cheerios, he saw her. She looked about 25, devastatingly gorgeous, and he could smell the honey from where he stood. "Excuse me ma'am," his voice quivered, "I - I think you might be the most beautiful cheerio I have ever seen." She smiled and her otherwise golden brown face grew red. " This is a long shot, but will you marry me?' She was obviously caught off guard by this, but her red lips formed the word, "Yes." They raced through the morning mist of the city, and arrived at her fathers house. The cheerio bent down in front of her father. "Sir, I would like to ask for your blessing in marrying your daughter" "No! You are a regular cheerio and my daughter needs a high quality honey nut" he snapped. "But sir." "No means no damnit!" "Sir this is very unrea-" "You come back a honey nut and you'll have my blessing, my daughter is not about to marry a low life like you." The cheerio sprinted home, tears streaming down his face. He fumbled against the lock and sprawled out on his bed. When he awoke it was early, his sheets had a dark silhouette from his wet jacket. He sat up and lit a cigarette. "Damn." he sighed to himself. Walking in front of his mirror, he noticed something different. His body was frosted! He had become a frosted cheerio! He darted out the door without shoes, reaching the honey nut household in no time at all. He banged on the door, and the beauty's father answered. "Sir I am a changed cheerio! I'm frosted!" he exclaimed. Her father had a stern look on his face. "You think you are any better? The dirt on my boots are worth more than you." he hissed. The old honey nut slammed the door on the young frosted. He heard the deadbolt click. The newly frosted cheerio didn't take the same way home. He stood on the edge of a bridge, feeling the cool autumn wind on his sugar coated skin. Was he really going to go through with this? Was it worth it? No he was a frosted cheerio now. He couldn't get the girl, but he was a changed cheerio. He

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/R1pply
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2017
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A man and his son were at a bar. The man stood near the dartboards.

When one dart almost hits him, the man says, "look son I'm Dart Evader!"

The son sighs. "Stop it dad."

The man says, "look, I'm not your dad. I am your father."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/51707
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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The Mrs asked me what I doing on the laptop...

Looking for cheap flights I said..

I'll help you look she said...

Bit weird she's not usually interested in darts!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderHallow
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
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A long one

So, a few weeks ago, someone posted a pretty long dad joke. Here's mine--it's what my dad would call a "Shaggy dog story".

The dolphin trainers at the zoo were very upset because the dolphins were very ill and getting worse. An animal shaman told them that he could not only cure the dolphins, but make them live forever--all he needed were some young sea gulls. The trainers immediately set off to find some young sea gulls.

While looking for the gulls, a lion at the zoo escaped. The trainers didn't care--they had to save the dolphins. They found their gulls and were making there way back to the dolphin enclosure when they came across the lion. Fortunately, it was dead asleep, having been hit with a tranquilizer dart--but it was right in the middle of the path. So, they carefully stepped across it, and were immediately arrested. The crime? Transporting young gulls across state lions for immortal porpoises.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/esoper1976
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2018
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Dropping my daughter off at Kindergarten

She tells me to look at the squirrel darting across the street.

Me: Look honey, she goes to this elementree too. It's an all-squirrels school.

Kid: silence

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mgbesq
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2015
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If there's one thing that makes me throw up...

it's a dart board on a ceiling.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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If there’s one thing that makes me throw up.

It’s a dart board on a ceiling.

(original: r/jokes)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Plane_Garbage
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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A man and his son were at a bar. The man is standing near the dartboard.

When one dart almost hits him, the man says, "look son I'm Dart Evader!"

The son says, "stop it dad."

The man says, "look, no, I am your father."

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/51707
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2017
🚨︎ report

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