True story: Driving back home, my 5 year old son says "How do you spell 'penis'?". My wife looks at me curiously and then asks "Why?"

After a few moments of silence, my son replies "That's it?"

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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β€œMom,” I asked curiously, β€œhow much do you weigh?”

β€œTread lightly,” my father warned, β€œbecause your mother can’t.”

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andikin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
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My kitten was standing on his hind legs and looking around curiously, so I said to my fianceΓ© "He looks like a meerkat...

But alas he is only a mere cat"

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MainSoftwareBug
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
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My favorite Hollywood movie has to be β€œThe Curious Case of Benjamin Button”.

It never gets old.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Curious

A guy sees a sign in front of a house:

"Talking Dog for Sale."

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the mutt replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, "Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?"

The owner replies, "'Cause he's fucking liar. He didn't do any of that shit."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spazpekker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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Just curious...

Is there another word for synonym?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thepunis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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My young son and I were having our first discussion about drugs. He was curious about why people would do drugs in the first place, and I told him that many people do it because it produces different feelings of euphoria. He asked, "what's euphoria?" I told him that it was hard to explain...

But it's a feeling somewhere between euthreeia and eufiveia.

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wgf5823
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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What does a curious sea dweller do?

Axolotl questions

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hypoplasia
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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Taking the shell off a snail wouldn't make it faster...

... It would make it more sluggish

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anthony_ugh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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My son is now at that age where he's curious about the human body.

I guess I'll have to hide it somewhere else now.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
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A man is sitting in the hospital with his newborn baby when his own father walks in.

Father: "So, how does it feel being a dad?"

Son: "It feels good. I'm a bit scared of course, but so excited at the same time. How does it feel being a grandfather?"

Father: "It feels pretty great. You've always been a good son and I've been patiently waiting for this special moment. There's something now that I have to give you."

The son watches curiously as his father pulls a large tome out of his backpack with exquisite text on the cover: 'The Big Book of Dad Jokes'.

Father: " For generations these sacred texts have been passed down through the patriarchs of our family. My father gave it to me when you were born and now, as a new father yourself, I bestow it to you. With this book you will have all the knowledge needed to become a truly great Dad."

Son: " Wow, Dad, this is amazing! Truly! I'm... I'm honored."

The father smiles as he extends his arm out to shake his son's hand and says,

"Nice to meet you, Honored. I'm Dad."

πŸ‘︎ 217
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChewyNutCluster
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I was in a cab one time and got curious. I asked the cabbie if he liked his job. He said, β€œOh sure. I’m out of the house, away from my nagging wife and I don’t have anyone telling me what to do.”

I told him, β€œTurn right at the next corner.”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
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What do you call the curious cousin of the crocodile?

An investigator

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ClashOfTheEnder
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
How to make a dad curious right before new year?

I'll tell you next decade.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PapaStalinSP
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are curious people so good at singing?

Because they inquire.

πŸ‘︎ 106
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Velociripper
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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Sodium curious as to how long it took he/she to make that.
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeadNic
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
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Did you see that curious monkey doing all that laundry?

George was Washing a ton

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBrightside618
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A bear walks into a bar.

Barkeep: "What'll it be?"

Bear: "I'll have a scotch and....... ..... a soda."

Barkeep: "Coming right up, but curious, why the big pause, there?"

Bear: holds up arms and looks at them "I don't know. I've had them my whole life."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nxsclothing
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I need help from all the dads out there...

You are tasked with making an advertisement for an amusement park, however you want to make it to STOP people from coming to the carnival... I'm curious to see your advertisements, also try to keep the jokes under 50 words.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brilliance79
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve been researching exercise bikes for over a month and just can’t pick one.

It turns out this whole time I’ve been bike-curious.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stlredbird
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make somebody curious?

I’ll tell you tomorrow.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coot32
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
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So I used to collect those little cardboard discs with pictures on...

One time I took a bunch of them with me to Abu Dhabi and while most of them were fine one behaved very weirdly, splitting and separating like it was in the humid air of the tropics. Very strange. I even wrote a letter about it to a listings magazine, which began:

"What's On, I commend to your attention the curious incident of the POG in the dry clime."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LoneKharnivore
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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One day, Kermit the Frog was a little short on cash, so he went to the bank to speak to a loan officer...

When he got there, a woman extended her hand.

"Good afternoon, sir," she said. "My name is Patricia Wack. How may I help you today?"

Kermit replied, "Hi-ho, Patricia! I'm Kermit the Frog, and I would like to borrow some money."

They walked over to her desk and sat down.

"Certainly, Mr. Frog--"

"Oh, just call me Kermit."

"Okay... Kermit. How much money would you like to borrow?"

"Ten thousand dollars."

Mildly surprised, Ms. Wack looked intently at Kermit.

"Do you have any references?"

"Well, I suppose I could use my father, Keith Richards."

Ms. Wack froze for a second, then...

"THE Keith Richards?"

"Oh, yes. In fact, he told me he's friends with your manager, which is why I came in here."

"Okay... Do you have any collateral?"

"Excuse me?"

"Collateral. Something of value, like a car, or a boat..."

"Oh, yes! I do have something. I have this."

Kermit reached into his briefcase and placed a small figurine on the desk. Patricia looked curiously at the object, then at our amphibious friend.

"What's this?"

"It's a Hummel."

"A what?"

"A Hummel. They're supposed to be quite valuable. Well, at least this one is to me."

She picked up the Hummel and stood up.

"If you don't mind, I would like to show this to the manager."

"Oh, no! I don't mind at all!"

So, Patricia took the Hummel to the manager's office, knocked on the door, and walked inside.

"Patricia! What can I do for you?"

"Mr. Wilson, there's this... frog named Kermit at my desk, and he wants to borrow $10,000, but he has only this for collateral."

Mr. Wilson looked at the Hummel, then out to her desk.

"I don't see anything out of order here."

"But, Mr. Wilson--"

"Look, it's a knick-knack, Patty Wack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
In a bar a man kept pulling something out of his pocket and then asking for another drink. After 2 or 3 hours of this the bartender was curious and asked what he kept looking at after each drink.

Picture of my wife man says. I'm gonna keep drinking till she starts lookin good.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/manicmoose13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
This whole subreddit is a pun.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eulengi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
🚨︎ report
If Chile and Turkey had a war...

Would that be a recipe for disaster?

Would Greece get involved?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/armen
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I don’t even like puns...
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Auxilor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2018
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A man and a woman are at a bar

A man and a woman are sitting in a bar. After some time, the woman notices that the man has not looked in her direction once. Curious, she asks the man if he would like to buy her a drink.

Playing coy the man responds, "Ma'am, you are beautiful indeed, but are you talented as well?"

Feeling flirty, the woman takes a cherry from the bar and puts it in her mouth, stem and all. Within seconds she swallows the cherry, spits out the seed, and reveals the stem, tied in a perfect knot.

The man chuckles. Without another word he picks up a cherry and pulls off the stem. He puts the stem in his mouth, and pounds the rest of his beer in one gulp, revealing and empty mouth to the woman.

Perplexed, the woman asks, "Is that supposed to impress me?"

Confidently, the man replies, "Indeed I do believe it will."

She laughs and says, "It will? Are you shitting me?"

He responds, "I shit you knot."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MadeToDisagree
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the curious case of the Mafia don who required his family members and advisors to ring a bell before entering his office?

He was found dead with a brass handle in his hand.

They’re calling it the Mystery of the Knock-Less Mobster.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SapperInTexas
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2016
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So in school we’re learning about the Bill of Rights, and today we talked about the second amendment. It says we have the right to β€œbear Arms,” but I was curious where the right to bear Feet is.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OhTheComedy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2017
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Sent my dad a nearby dive photo of sea lions in kelp & told him it made me officially excited to do local/non-tropical dives... his reply?

Well, that seals the deal!

It got a good laugh out of me. Photo here for the curious.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NePasToucher
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
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Dungeons and Dragons looks like a lot of fun. I'd love to try it some day.

I guess I consider myself die-curious

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAMGodAMAA
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Watching Curious George with my 2 year old niece.

George was trying to figure out why his neighbours hens wouldn't lay eggs. It was easy for me figure out the reason.

"They're obviously too afraid to lay eggs. You know why? They're chicken!"

My niece is too young to appreciate it now, but she'll learn soon enough.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Commander
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2015
🚨︎ report
You know this product was named by a Dad
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tchron
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
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Subject: weather

I’m curious as to how many puns can be fit into one comment before it no longer becomes funny.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobs-revenge
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
3 Little girls were walking along with their mother on the way home from the park

Girl 1 turned to her mother and said...

Girl 1: Mommy, why is my name Lily?

Mom: Because when we took you out of the Hospital, a Lily petal fell on your head.

The second Daughter, now curious, asks the same question...

Girl 2: Why is my name Rose?

Mom: When we took you out of the Hospital, a rose petal landed onto your head

This is when the 3rd daughter pipes up and says...

Girl 3: AAAARRRGHFFFFJJJFSSSLLLHHH

Mom: Shhhhhhh, quiet down now Cinder Block

πŸ‘︎ 189
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FrogOnACouch
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm worried about my neighbours son. He keeps asking questions about unicycles, bicycles and trikes

I think he's bike-curious.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are they called cargo shorts?

Automobilewent was too long.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dascobaz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
🚨︎ report
50 people swindled!

A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, β€œRead all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!”

Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. Finding nothing, the man said, β€œThere’s nothing in here about fifty people being swindled.”

The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out, β€œRead all about it. Fifty-one people swindled!”

http://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/50-people-swindled/

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
cutecumbers imgur.com/PnHY7w3
πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atomicpete
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2015
🚨︎ report
Son: At what age did I stop doing that?

I apologize in advance as this isn't exactly a joke, but whenever my son (23) asks me this question, I always answer with a wildly incorrect age. It is even better when his friends are around. I was curious if this counts as "Dad Joke behavior" and if anyone else does this or has a dad that does it.

Some examples

  1. When was I toilet trained- 12
  2. When did I stop sleeping with my ass in the air- 15
  3. When did I stop dropping my pants and underwear to my ankles to pee at a urinal- 14
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thegreatsnook
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Sister asks the question

Sister: Do black people die more often than white people?

Dad: No, I think everyone dies only once.

πŸ‘︎ 578
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HeyBoiz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2015
🚨︎ report
Sneezing around Dad.

I sneezed and my daughter said, "Gesundheit!"

My husband said, "Oh, hey, that's German for 'virgin', right?"

Confused looks from everyone.

Dad: "Ya know. Goes-in-tight?"

πŸ‘︎ 560
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πŸ‘€︎ u/busykat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2013
🚨︎ report
A great movie to watch when you are under lockdown is β€œThe Curious Case of Benjamin Button.”

Never gets old.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My favourite movie of the recent past has to be β€œThe Curious Case of Benjamin Button.”

Never gets old.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a curious alligator?

An investigator...

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sk3llyt0r
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My favorite go-to movie of all time is β€œThe Curious Case Of Benjamin Button.”

Never gets old.

πŸ‘︎ 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2018
🚨︎ report

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