Why are you cuddling that saw?

For emotional support.

It's my coping saw.

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/cat_named_virtue
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 19 2021
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While cuddling my girlfriend, I whispered "Honey, this isn't working out for me."

Then I rolled off the bed and started doing push-ups. "This is working out for me!"

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/alexslivi
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 04 2014
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My 9yo daughter was lying on the couch cuddling with our new kitten. โ€œItโ€™s time for bed,โ€ I said.

โ€œI donโ€™t want to get up,โ€ she replied. โ€œWill you carry me?

โ€œNo,โ€ I replied. โ€œGet up and go to bed.โ€

โ€œBut Iโ€™m too tired. Carry Me?โ€

โ€œNo! Youโ€™re like 90 pounds now. Youโ€™re too heavy.โ€ I said.

โ€œWell then, pretend Iโ€™m the kitten,โ€ she said and grinned.

So I picked up the squirt bottle and sprayed her in the face.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 119
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/webdisaster
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 30 2018
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Got the girlfriend while cuddling

Cuddling on the couch in an embrace I grabbed her boob and started to nod off. She noticed and said: Every time you grab my boob you calm down. You're like a baby. To which I replied: It's the breast stress relief....

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 49
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ISiupick
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 22 2016
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dad joked my girlfriend while we were cuddling

I asked if she wanted me to whisper sweet nothings to her so i leaned in and say,

"Artificial sweeteners"

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Imtheone457
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 10 2014
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It ruined our cuddling time...

Me: Have I told you I love you today?

Wife: Yes, but it's nice to hear.

Me: I love you today.

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/average_gilbert
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 22 2014
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Dadjoked while cuddling

So my gf and I were cuddling, and so I decided to tickle her a bit, and as I did she tried to find a spot to try and get me back, but she couldn't. Then after a fruitless search, she said "you're hard to find" to which I said "but I'm right here next to you". She gave me a "I'm going to beat you upside the head" look.

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/jesusdo
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 09 2014
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While getting into bed girlfriend wanted to cuddle, but I warned her that I was gassy...

"I am too." She said and started to snuggle up.

"I guess that means we're Egyptian."

"Why?" She asked.

"Because we're King Toots-in-common."

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/walksalot_talksalot
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 03 2018
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What is the cutest car?

A BM-cuddle-U

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/kickypie
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 07 2020
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I cuddled my cat today...

She always leaves me covered in cat hair, it's in-furry-ating!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Rubius0
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 18 2013
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What happens when Mama Bird and Papa Bird Cuddle in the Nest?

A swallow.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/nailfunny
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 02 2014
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A sensible pun

I was sitting on a bench cuddling a cat after the end of school. Suddenly, an old man with sunglasses encountered me and made a pun.

Here's the conversation:

  • When will the Japanese say "Gรผnaydฤฑn"? (means good morning in Turkish)
  • Dunno when?
  • When they learn Turkish...
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Solilupus
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 21 2019
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I was very proud of myself all evening...

My wife and I are on the sofa and I lean in for a cuddle.

She says: "careful I'm holding a tea!"

And I say: "and I'm holding you, so I guess we're both holding letters of the alphabet"

Believe or not she actually laughed at this one.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/EskimoJake
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 20 2020
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Out dad joked by my SO

Last night cuddling with my girlfriend and she says "I love lying here with you." I replied "I once caught a fish and it was 5 foot long and spoke Hebrew." She stared at me, confused. "OK, it's your turn to lie" I say. "Oh right I see. Ha ha very funny" was her reply. She pauses for a moment before rolling over. "That was my lie" she said.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ab1kenobe
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 08 2014
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A Great Pun From My Six Year Old Daughter

We were leaving a pet shop that had the standard assortment of fish, lizards, birds, and hamsters and my daughter said she wanted a fish. We have two cats and I told her that might be a bad idea. I then added that the big problem with fish is that you can't cuddle a fish like you can with cats. She responded by saying "you can with a cuttlefish."

She probably watches too many nature shows.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/mike-zane
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 10 2018
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Climbing Trees

My boyfriend and I were cuddling last night and he had his arms and legs wrapped around me.

Me: Hey my little koala, you climbing me like a eucalyptus tree?

Bf: Eucalyptus trees don't climb things

Me: Oh my god.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 157
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/witty-repartee
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 04 2014
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I just sold my car and this was my add

Hi Folks, If you are a linguist then I am selling your dream car! Iโ€™m selling an Accent, a 2004 Hyundai Accent to be precise. Even if you donโ€™t know a bunch of languages, this car is still great for you.

Just like me, itโ€™s been around the birthday block a few times, but thereโ€™s still lots of life left in both of us, I guarantee! If you are looking for the perfect body, seek out a surgeon. If youโ€™re looking for a car that will love you just the way you are, this is it. Now I know what youโ€™re thinking, โ€œI bet this is a junkerโ€, but youโ€™d be wrong. Next to my wife this is the best body Iโ€™ve ever had my hands on.

Whatโ€™s wrong with it mechanically you ask? Nothing! It drives great, A/C & heat still work like a dream, breaks work, transmission shifts good, and the 1.6L engine runs great. With its age, the engine has had some parts replaced. All the belts have recently been changed, that happens with age as I just went up a few sizes myself. The washer fluid pump has been changed because itโ€™s important to be able to have a good cry once in a while. I did an oil change in the summer and depending on how long it takes for this car to finds itโ€™s new match, I will do another in the next month or so.

Since beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Iโ€™ll give you a run down of what the interior is like. Itโ€™s whatโ€™s on the inside that matters anyway right? I am the 3rd owner of this car and the previous owner was a smoker. I donโ€™t believe there is a cigarette smell anymore but the cloth seats do have little holes in them. I mean hey, when you play with fire you get burnt right? The stereo head unit has been replaced with a modern Pioneer as the original just wasnโ€™t in tune with my musical needs as a Dj. The only real problem this pretty young thing has is the passenger rear seatbelt does not retract. Since I have two mini controllers I taxi around, Iโ€™ve had car seats in the back and have had no reason to replace the seatbelt yet. A new one is only a cool $250 from Hyundai but will take some time for delivery. There are still 4 working seatbelts in the car so if youโ€™re traveling with another couple, Iโ€™m sure theyโ€™ll love to cuddle up in the middle and behind you, the driver.

The trunk is spacious enough for the average trunk but just doesnโ€™t work out so well for hauling Dj gear. The rear seats fold as easy a poker player having their bluff called, so it will give you extra room. Not much more that I can think of to tell you about but take a look at the plethora of p

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/DjBWren
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 14 2017
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Clearly my SO is preparing for fatherhood

Me: (cuddling) I'm not sure why I'm rubbing my ear on your nose Him: I guess you want to h-ear what I nose.

He also says "Hi Hungry, I'm (SO)" every time I say I'm hungry. Grr.

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/permanentlyjas
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 26 2016
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Just hit my girlfriend with this one. Not even a dad but I'm preparing myself for the day.

My girlfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. I put my head on her chest.

ME: Your boobs make good pillows. HER: Yea they are pretty soft. ME: Are they made of mammary-foam?

She paused for a moment before groaning and eventually giving it a good chuckle. So proud.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 82
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/no_cow_level
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 04 2014
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Whatโ€™s the friendliest animal in the ocean?

A โ€œCuddleโ€ fish

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 27
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/andyskax
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 23 2017
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Got my wife good last night

We were cuddling in our bed watching some tv and just hanging out before we shut our eyes for bed. She had her head on my chest and leg across my legs and that's when I told her...

Me: "Babe, do you like cuddling?" Her: "Yes of course, why?" Me: "I guess I make a good... body pillow."

She instantly pushed me away while groaning, totally worth it.

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/TEMPLEWORKER
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 06 2016
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My girlfriend is ready

After a great night, we were cuddling when she grabbed my keys off the table, poked me in the chest with them, and asked 'does this turn you on?'

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 35
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/yeahifuck
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 12 2015
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I'm pregnant..

And I was just on the couch with my boyfriend watching old Nickelodeon Halloween specials. Our TV has this thing where it turns off randomly. Sometimes a lot, sometimes not at all. We were on the couch cuddling/kissing and talking about the baby and the TV suddenly turned off. My boyfriend pulls away for a bit, looks at the TV and says "Hmm, I thought something was.. Off.." ๐Ÿ˜

He's obviously preparing differently than I am for this baby.

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/SwayingRhythm
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 01 2015
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Got my S/O last night.

We were cuddling and I turn away a little bit because it's super hot in her room, but she pulls me back and says "come back, I like spooning".

My reply: "Honey, I like spooning as much as I like forking, but it's just too hot to do either of those things right now."

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 39
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/mildlynegative
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 06 2015
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The Man, the Sheep and the Dog

a man, a sheep and a dog are the only survivors of a shipwreck and get marooned on a desert island with more than enough food. days, weeks and months pass and the only thing the can look forward to on the island everyday is the beautiful sunset! every evening the man, the sheep and the dog go and watch the sunset... one day the man attempted to put his arm around the sheep and the dog goes crazy so he has to retract his arm. he angrily exclaims "I was just cuddling!" the next evening they are back on the beach and the man sees something out to sea... after further investigation he sees it is a unconscious woman on a raft! the man swims out and rescues the woman, takes her to shore and nurses her back to health they begin chatting and get on incredibly well, she was a beautiful young woman with a great sense of humour. the next evening the man, the woman, the sheep and the dog go to the beach to watch the sunset as per usual... whilst sitting on the beach the woman looked up at the man, and he looked back at her. she says how can I ever repay you? the man then says "you can you take the dog for a walk?"

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/frzr-csgo
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 13 2015
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Got my wife good :-D

A little context. We have 2 dogs... it's warm... they shed... ALOT. My wife picked up her flip flops and they were covered in dog fur. She shook them off and a cloud of fur wafted through the kitchen.

Wife: Ya know what doesn't shed?

Me: What?

Wife: Fish. Fish don't shed. But they don't cuddle either.

Me: You could get a cuttlefish!

Her eyes rolled so far into the back of her head she was looking down

Wife: Okay that one should go on reddit.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 113
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/emosongs2cut2
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 24 2014
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Cats and dads

I was cuddling with my cat and got a bit of hair in my eye (he likes rough petting).

Me (rubbing my eye): ugh, I have something in my eye.

Dad: It's called your finger.

Me: Thanks, dad.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/bezap8
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 22 2014
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A joke about American Football

My girlfriend is leaving for vacation tonight, and earlier she was trying to be all lovey dovey and snuggle, but I was trying to watch the football game.

Her: "Why don't you want to cuddle with me?"

Me: "I'm trying to watch the football game..."

Her: "But I'm going to be gone for an entire week!!!"

Me: "So are the Ravens..."

She threw a slipper at me and tried to fight back a smile.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/barscarsandguitars
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 21 2015
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I'm pretty proud of this dad joke I told my girlfriend.

I was at her house, and we were cuddling on the bed watching a movie. One of her cats jumps up to the window sill behind us and just lays there watching the rain. After a couple minutes, I ask "Does he always do that?" "Yeah, he enjoys watching the rain" "Aww, look at him there, just soaking it all in..."

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/She_Likes_Cloth
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 07 2014
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My dad taught me well.

My dad is the type that tells the most generic and awful dad jokes that make you cringe, thus bringing to pass my own joke that is only possible thanks to my father's dry sense of humor. My husband & I were laying in bed and I was cuddled up to him. When he was about to go to sleep he turned to me & said, "I needa turn over." (As in "need to.") To which I replied, "Sorry, we don't have any." The laughter that then ensued brought tears to my eyes, but my husband didn't get it. Thanks for my awful humor, dad.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/kieruh
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 25 2014
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Opened up my chest of dad jokes yesterday and let out a nice pair.

I was drinking with some friends when we were talking to one of them about his type of women. I asked him "tits or ass" and he said something like "I have to go with ass, although I have nothing against tits." So naturally I said "Oh well I generally prefer to be against tits actually." Ha

Later I was chilling with my girlfriend when the way we were cuddled together reminded me, so I told her that story. She groaned and said something about guys are always focused on one thing while girls like her were more well-rounded individuals. I couldn't help but respond by grabbing a boob and saying "Yes, you are well rounded!"

Hope she realizes what a great father I could be.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Tremaparagon
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 20 2014
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