Since the pandemic, my friend has been doing well selling vases made from herbs mixed with ancient crushed Chinese plates...
That's pretty good thyme-Ming.
An old man owned a dolphin and some children asked him why. The old man smiled and said, "When I was younger, my dreams were crushed, so I bought the dolphin because..."
"Buying him gave me a porpoise in life."
What did the grape say when it's crushed?
Nothing. It just let out a little wine.
We need to be very careful about collapsing Wall Street so we don’t get crushed by Roof Street
Posted on shower thoughts first, they told me to bring it here. I should have thought of that first. Anyways here ya go.
Grape’s don’t cry when they get crushed...
But they do let out a little “wine”!
My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books.
I told him that he's only got his shelf to blame.
My dream of becoming the first professional boxer/pirate were crushed....
The boxing commission said my right hook was illegal.
I was watching a series about crushed tomatoes but I fell asleep.
Now I have to ketchup.
edit: my boyfriend is incredibly proud of his joke so this became my first reddit post
So I was buying cheese the other day when the clerk came out with a large wheel. Problem is, they tripped, landing on the wheel and crushed it. He asked if I still wanted it. I said no. He asked why.
I simple told him "It's no Gouda!"
My uncle was crushed by a piano....
His funeral was very low key
Police say a man died after being crushed under a pile of books
He only has his shelf to blame.
I crushed a grape. It started wining.
This morning I made my hamster an extra strong espresso coffee and crushed some caffeine pills up in his food.
I'd hate for him to fall asleep at the wheel.
Looks like the grape got crushed
If a grape is crushed and nobody is around, does it cry?
Did you hear about the man who was crushed by a falling statue?
He died of an art attack.
A mechanic fell asleep and was crushed when another mechanic didn’t see him and lowered the lift. Cause of death? He was tire’d.
A Spanish man was crushed to death by a falling "two".
Told my hearing doctor that I would give him the pulpy residue of apples after they'd been crushed.
He said, "Pomace?"
I said, "Of course. I'm not lying to you."
Did you hear about the guy who told the Judge he couldn't pay the parking ticket because his arms had be recently been crushed?
The Judge understood because there were more pressing matters at hand.
Did you hear about the man crushed to death by the aqueduct he was trying to steal?
What did the empty Coke can say when his friend was crushed?
Did you hear about the crushed chickpea?
It gained fame post-hummusly
Crushed self confidence.
I went to Chick-Fil-A with my dad and got a lemonade with my sandwich. We got to the window to pick up our food and he asked "could I get a straw for that lemonade? Because my son really sucks."
Well played, dad. Well played.
My dad got so mad when the cow crushed his foot and it had to be amputated...
He's so lactoes intolerant.
What did the grape say when it got crushed?
Nothing. It just let out a little wine.
Today I was crushed by a pile of books
I've only my shelf to blame.
Grapes don't cry when they're crushed
What did the grape say when it was crushed?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
Police say a man died after being crushed under a pile of books
He only has his shelf to blame.
My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books
But he’s only got his shelf to blame
My uncle died, he was crushed by a piano.
His funeral was very low-key.
What did the grape say when it was crushed?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
My son recently got crushed by a pile of books
He's got only his shelf to blame
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