Since the pandemic, my friend has been doing well selling vases made from herbs mixed with ancient crushed Chinese plates...

That's pretty good thyme-Ming.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
🚨︎ report
An old man owned a dolphin and some children asked him why. The old man smiled and said, "When I was younger, my dreams were crushed, so I bought the dolphin because..."

"Buying him gave me a porpoise in life."

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
🚨︎ report
Crushed x2 tomatoes
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmanMegha2909
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the grape say when it's crushed?

Nothing. It just let out a little wine.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chihiro_yoru
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
We need to be very careful about collapsing Wall Street so we don’t get crushed by Roof Street

Posted on shower thoughts first, they told me to bring it here. I should have thought of that first. Anyways here ya go.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/levainletlive
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Grape’s don’t cry when they get crushed...

But they do let out a little β€œwine”!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Loveland_622
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books.

I told him that he's only got his shelf to blame.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/motorwayman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
My dream of becoming the first professional boxer/pirate were crushed....

The boxing commission said my right hook was illegal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Orange Crushed
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jimmyg123_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I was watching a series about crushed tomatoes but I fell asleep.

Now I have to ketchup.

edit: my boyfriend is incredibly proud of his joke so this became my first reddit post

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_misstntx
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
So I was buying cheese the other day when the clerk came out with a large wheel. Problem is, they tripped, landing on the wheel and crushed it. He asked if I still wanted it. I said no. He asked why.

I simple told him "It's no Gouda!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle was crushed by a piano....

His funeral was very low key

πŸ‘︎ 145
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Police say a man died after being crushed under a pile of books

He only has his shelf to blame.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/youthfulcomrade
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I crushed a grape. It started wining.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madjholu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
This morning I made my hamster an extra strong espresso coffee and crushed some caffeine pills up in his food.

I'd hate for him to fall asleep at the wheel.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Looks like the grape got crushed
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Condiment-King03
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
🚨︎ report
If a grape is crushed and nobody is around, does it cry?

No it wines

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BcbornLeo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the man who was crushed by a falling statue?

He died of an art attack.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/desireewhitehall
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
A mechanic fell asleep and was crushed when another mechanic didn’t see him and lowered the lift. Cause of death? He was tire’d.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tigreye007
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Crushed...
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanielFok
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report
A Spanish man was crushed to death by a falling "two".

It was a lethal dos

πŸ‘︎ 186
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WindWakerFTW243
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2017
🚨︎ report
Told my hearing doctor that I would give him the pulpy residue of apples after they'd been crushed.

He said, "Pomace?"

I said, "Of course. I'm not lying to you."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2018
🚨︎ report
footage of your hopes and dreams, getting crushed. gfycat.com/JauntyGlitteri…
πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lady_Anarchy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2016
🚨︎ report
Crushed pineapple
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πŸ‘€︎ u/corndogsaregood
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2014
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who told the Judge he couldn't pay the parking ticket because his arms had be recently been crushed?

The Judge understood because there were more pressing matters at hand.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HidaRotler
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the man crushed to death by the aqueduct he was trying to steal?

Waterway to go, huh?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Assoonasitis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2016
🚨︎ report
What did the empty Coke can say when his friend was crushed?

That's so depressing.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uehqetS
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2013
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the crushed chickpea?

It gained fame post-hummusly

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikeybthehuman
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2016
🚨︎ report
Crushed self confidence.

I went to Chick-Fil-A with my dad and got a lemonade with my sandwich. We got to the window to pick up our food and he asked "could I get a straw for that lemonade? Because my son really sucks."

Well played, dad. Well played.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElMath3w
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad got so mad when the cow crushed his foot and it had to be amputated...

He's so lactoes intolerant.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dscrozier
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2015
🚨︎ report
What did the grape say when it got crushed?

Nothing. It just let out a little wine.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ctvis2003
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Today I was crushed by a pile of books

I've only my shelf to blame.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brosthetic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Grapes don't cry when they're crushed

But they do wine

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/prowlerunderrated
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the grape say when it was crushed?

Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simbimba
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Police say a man died after being crushed under a pile of books

He only has his shelf to blame.

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books

But he’s only got his shelf to blame

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/b0b_l0b_law
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2017
🚨︎ report
My uncle died, he was crushed by a piano.

His funeral was very low-key.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCancerousMeme
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the grape say when it was crushed?

Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruggerbluevol
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2017
🚨︎ report
My son recently got crushed by a pile of books

He's got only his shelf to blame

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2018
🚨︎ report

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