Croquet Equipment Puns

Since croquet equipment is so expensive? Kids play outside in the parking lot all the time in my apartment a bunch of different game from touch jousting with plastic toy spears while riding on bicycles to using hockey sticks on a skateboard or some other riding vehicle with tennis balls to play polo with trash cans.

Has anyone attempted to play improvised croquet with say a hockey stick or using a lacrosse ball and using homeshift materials for the hoops, pegs, etc when they were growing up and lacked access to real equipment because they were below upper middle class thus lacking the cash?

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

She couldn’t bring herself to believe what had appeared before her eyes as her ship floated freely in a lazy post vector jump stun. Three planets, different in size and rotation but identical in color and clime, hung in perfect balance together as they rocketed around their strange yellow star. They were all massive red-hued affairs, two big ones sandwiching a diminutive-by-comparison third between their hulking masses as they traveled their compact solar system.

How did that work? That shouldn’t work. As far as Lyet knew, planets shouldn’t do that; flying through the Big Empty in perfect formation like old Goose and Gander walking Gosling back home from the pond. How did that work?

Lyet shoved the questions and thoughts of geese-related children’s stories to the back of her mind, she had work to do and essentially no time to do it.

‘C’min Chief, we have connection?’

Static

‘Chief! I’m on-site!’

Copy

More Static

Proceed

‘Copy Chief.’

Lyet slung around in her pilot’s chair, reaching over backward to get at an object she had tossed behind the seat earlier. She really should get better about cleaning up her ship, the thing was filthy and she spent more than a couple minutes grasping blindly and fruitlessly before she gave an exasperated sigh, unclipped the harness holding her in, and disconnected the tubes plugged into the femoral arteries in her thighs. She gasped slightly as the long, oddly flexible needle pulled from her flesh, leaving only the smallest of red spots on her legs where they had intruded deeply into her circulatory system.

Need to clean my ship, she thought, more like need to design pants you can keep on when jumping vectors. She stood up, only slightly unsteady, and pulled her aged brown leather pilots pants back up to her hips, sinching the sand-colored belt back through double ring buckle and pulling it tightly as she moved behind her chair.

‘Where the hell did I put it?’

She started kicking things around. She always started kicking things around when she got irritated, especially if it was her fault that she was in a particular situation and double-especially if she had literally JUST had the damned thing a minute earlier!

Her eyes bulged. ‘Where the actual FU.. Oh! There you are!’

She grinned merrily as she picked up the object of her desire, not from the floor, but from the cup holder of the console next to her pilot’s chair. She had secured it there before making the jump to this strange place to avoid this exact sc

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

He lost May

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Put it on my bill

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

Calcium, nickel, neon

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

With the expiry of the SAH Order on June 2nd at 12:01am Ontario will now be bound by O. Reg. 82/20 SHUTDOWN ZONE

Ontario will remain in the SHUTDOWN ZONE until Step 1 of the Reopening Plan begins.

#Full Regulation Here

#ORGANIZED PUBLIC EVENTS, CERTAIN GATHERINGS in Shutdown Zone

##Gatherings

• Outdoor gatherings are limited to 5 people
• The 5 people can be part of your household or not part of your household
• Indoor gatherings are prohibited with people not in your household

##Religious ceremonies, Wedding ceremonies, Funerals, religious service or rites.

• Outdoor ceremonies are limited to 10 people
• Indoor ceremonies are limited to 10 people

##Wedding Receptions (or other gathering associated with a religious event that isn’t the ceremony itself)

• Outdoor receptions are limited to 5 people
• Indoor receptions are prohibited

##Public Health Guidelines for Gatherings in the SHUTDOWN ZONE

• A person attending an organized public event, social gathering or a gathering for the purposes of a wedding, a funeral or a religious service, rite or ceremony shall comply with public health guidance on physical distancing.

• For greater certainty, person limits for religious ceremonies and receptions apply with respect to an organized public event, social gathering or a gathering for the purposes of a wedding, a funeral or a religious service, rite or ceremony, even if it is held at a private dwelling.

##Exceptions

• Members of a single household can gather together (a group of single household members)
• A member of a single household can gather with another multi-person household
• A caregiver for a person belonging to a single person household can gather with that single person and another household (or multiple single person households)

##Gathering in motor vehicles for religious service, rite or ceremony [Drive in religious services]

• Each person must remain in their vehicle unless:

• They need to use the washroom

• as may otherwise be necessary for the purposes of health and safety.

• The driver of a motor vehicle must ensure that it is positioned at least two meters away from other motor vehicles.

• A person may attend in a non-motorized vehicle [Horse wagon for example]. However, the same rules above apply to them.

#Places that Must Close Or that Are Subject to Conditi

Christopher Walken

The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors”

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

She couldn’t bring herself to believe what had appeared before her eyes as her ship floated freely in a lazy post vector jump stun. Three planets, different in size and rotation but identical in color and clime, hung in perfect balance together as they rocketed around their strange yellow star. They were all massive red-hued affairs, two big ones sandwiching a diminutive-by-comparison third between their hulking masses as they traveled their compact solar system.

How did that work? That shouldn’t work. As far as Lyet knew, planets shouldn’t do that; flying through the Big Empty in perfect formation like old Goose and Gander walking Gosling back home from the pond. How did that work?

Lyet shoved the questions and thoughts of geese-related children’s stories to the back of her mind, she had work to do and essentially no time to do it.

‘C’min Chief, we have connection?’

Static

‘Chief! I’m on-site!’

Copy

More Static

Proceed

‘Copy Chief.’

Lyet slung around in her pilot’s chair, reaching over backward to get at an object she had tossed behind the seat earlier. She really should get better about cleaning up her ship, the thing was filthy and she spent more than a couple minutes grasping blindly and fruitlessly before she gave an exasperated sigh, unclipped the harness holding her in, and disconnected the tubes plugged into the femoral arteries in her thighs. She gasped slightly as the long, oddly flexible needle pulled from her flesh, leaving only the smallest of red spots on her legs where they had intruded deeply into her circulatory system.

Need to clean my ship, she thought, more like need to design pants you can keep on when jumping vectors. She stood up, only slightly unsteady, and pulled her aged brown leather pilots pants back up to her hips, sinching the sand-colored belt back through double ring buckle and pulling it tightly as she moved behind her chair.

‘Where the hell did I put it?’

She started kicking things around. She always started kicking things around when she got irritated, especially if it was her fault that she was in a particular situation and double-especially if she had literally JUST had the damned thing a minute earlier!

Her eyes bulged. ‘Where the actual FU.. Oh! There you are!’

She grinned merrily as she picked up the object of her desire, not from the floor, but from the cup holder of the console next to her pilot’s chair. She had secured it there before making the jump to this strange place to avoid this exact sc