I awoke this morning to a horrific stench coming from my daughter's crib. /r/TwoSentenceHorror/comm…
👍︎ 11
💬︎
👤︎ u/kevjonesin
📅︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
No crib for a bed
👍︎ 20
💬︎
📅︎ May 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Mom: Why is their a strange baby in the crib?

Dad: You told me to change the baby.

👍︎ 231
💬︎
👤︎ u/Gingafer81
📅︎ Jul 21 2018
🚨︎ report
When the pimp's in the crib ma
👍︎ 3
💬︎
👤︎ u/AU55IEAri
📅︎ Dec 31 2018
🚨︎ report
My newborn passed out face down in his crib. He has a drinking problem

Breastfeeding usually leaves him sheetfaced

👍︎ 4
💬︎
👤︎ u/Sparxican
📅︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What did baby Bruce Wayne's mommy put over his crib?

A bat mobile!

👍︎ 11
💬︎
👤︎ u/2donutkid2
📅︎ Dec 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did Superman cancelled today's tinder date?

The girl asked if he wanted to see her crib tonight

👍︎ 2
💬︎
📅︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is baby Superman vulnerable at night?

Because he sleeps in his crib tonight

👍︎ 9
💬︎
📅︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What is baby superman afraid of?

His crib-tonyte

👍︎ 6
💬︎
📅︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My first dad joke as a father!

My first son was recently born 5.5 weeks early (he's doing great!)

As such, we hadn't set up a crib or nursery room yet in our apartment. Sitting around with my wife and aunt last night talking about how stressed we were bringing a new baby home to an apartment where we had no place to put him inspired the following exchange.

Wife: "It was kind of like the baby Jesus...no room at the inn kind of situation." Me: "Yeah, we ended up having to have him spend the night with our goat."

(Pause)

Me again: "I felt really bad for the kid. And our son too."

👍︎ 203
💬︎
👤︎ u/camram07
📅︎ Jul 28 2014
🚨︎ report
I think my wife cheated on me with superman because my baby has been crying all night.

He really doesn't like the crib tonight.

👍︎ 2
💬︎
📅︎ Mar 28 2018
🚨︎ report
It's only natural that us adults stare at our phones all the time...

because as babies, we were taught to stare at the mobiles above our cribs.

👍︎ 14
💬︎
📅︎ Dec 08 2016
🚨︎ report
First Dad Joke my wife ever laughed at.

I made this up shortly after my daughter was born:

Why was is so hard to put baby Superman down to sleep?

Cause he didn't want to be in his crib tonight.

(read it out loud and cringe)

👍︎ 30
💬︎
📅︎ Apr 08 2014
🚨︎ report
I told my dad about a friend's child named Nicholas

He said you should have seen him in a crib. I asked why? he said you don't see Nicholas Caged everyday.

👍︎ 7
💬︎
📅︎ Jun 21 2016
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.