I have to cram for my big rig driving school test tomorrow...

It's my semi-final.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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I’ve this irrational fear of crowds and I just walked into a room crammed with married people.

Thankfully there isn’t a single person in it.

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2018
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When the moon hits your eye, Like a big pizza pie, That's amore.

When an eel bites your hand, And that's not what you planned, That's a moray.

When our habits are strange, And our customs deranged, That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh?

When a Japanese knight Uses his sword in a fight, That's Samurai.

When your sheep go to graze In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh?

When your boat comes home fine And you tie up her line, That's a moor, eh?

When you ace your last tests Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s!

In New Zealand you see An aborigine, That's a Maori.

Alley Oop's homeland has A space gun with pizzazz, That's a Moo Ray.

A comedian ham, With the name Amsterdam, That's a Morey.

When your chocolate graham, Is so full and so crammed, That s'more, eh.

When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh?

πŸ‘︎ 684
πŸ‘€︎ u/ComeAbout
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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Oh, how the Tides have turned.
πŸ‘︎ 757
πŸ‘€︎ u/DirtyPineConeFeet
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2017
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Go stand in the corner.

My teacher dropped this one in math class today.

Girl: it's so cold in here

Teacher: why don't you go stand in the corner

Girl: [confused look] why?

Teacher: because it's 90 degrees over there

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wafflizer5000
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2014
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What do you call an old lady in a tight spot?


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πŸ‘€︎ u/carnival_k
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
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Meth Dealer [OC]

So a meth dealer is trying to expand his territory into a local school back in the late 90's. He's having a really hard time until he hits on a marketing phrase: "Meth is illin'!" For some reason, that closes every sale he tries to make at the school. It starts with the students, but then he gets some of the faculty as customers and he has one dealing the stuff. For some reason, every single time, when he says "meth is illin'!" he closes the deal. Even the administrators can't seem to resist his catchphrase.

But then his contact on the faculty alerts him to a problem -- the janitor is going to figure out what's going on, and he's going to shut everything down. The teacher is scared of the guy, but our dealer has gained so much confidence in himself that he cannot worry. He waits for the janitor on his morning route.

"Hey man, don't you know? Meth is i-"

But before he can even finish the sentence, the janitor has sprayed floor cleaner in his eyes, hit him in the gut with his mop, and crammed him in a trash can. The dealer is arrested and immediately convicted.

TL; DR: Do not fuck with "meth is illin'!" resistant staff.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/SadEaglesFan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2014
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I'm a Bit of an Airhead... (Dad Joke Courtesy of My Mom)

Whenever I have a lot of school work to do in a short period of time, I like to get a bag of candy to munch on while I work. Today I have a big essay to write, and since my mom was already out I decided to ask her to pick some up for me.

Me: Can you pick up airheads for cramming purposes?

Mom: Wouldn't smarties work better? ;P

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/cherrymaelstrom
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2014
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My dad gets my brother at airport

So me and my family were on our way to Florida for a trip to Universal and Harry Potter world. The five of us were crammed in one of the shuttles that you ride to get to the airport from the far hinterland where you park your car. My little brother, ever the curious one, is asking my mom about our upcoming flight. He asks "So where are we sitting on the flight?" My dad, who up until this point hadn't contributed much to the conversation, got the gleam of a dad in his eye. He gave a smirk and, before my mother could reply, said "Well I don't know about you, but I'll be sitting on my ass."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/0dd426
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2014
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