I went to dinner with a couple of Vikings and they kept tapping on the table and laughing. I finally asked what was so funny and they said:
“You wouldn’t get it, it’s Norse code”
Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don't work out.
A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards.
That's right. The steaks were pretty high.
I hate it when a couple start having an argument right in front of me.
They could have at least waited until I got dressed and left.
A couple days ago I went for a walk beside a pasture and seen a lone cow when I went again today he wasn't there
I guess he got a promotion for being the only one outstanding in his field
True story: As kids, my sister and I were fighting over the TV remote and it got heated. The remote flew across the room and a couple AAA batteries fell out. My sister threw one at me, and I grabbed a nearby salt shaker and threw it at her.
My mother, who was watching this go down, just laughs and says, "Assault and battery!"
She then left the room, cackling.
A couple gets exposed to radiation at Chernobyl, call that a toxic relationship
I noticed my shirt had a couple of holes in it when I was getting dressed this morning.
I thought that was pretty cool, 'cuz it gave me somewhere to put my arms.
I once watched a couple of cows smoke weed and play poker
I guess the steaks were pretty high
Last light I seen a drunk couple weaving all over the street
I thought ‘honestly, get a loom’.
A detective couple adopts a teenager who turns out to be a pyromaniac.
After spending a few days at a detective convention, they come home to find their house burned to the ground.
"What do you think caused this?" One asked the other.
The other just sighed and replied "It was most likely ourson (arson)."
Why don't some couple go to gym ?
Because some relationship does not workout.
Two bees are drinking at a bar, a couple aproaches them, one of the bees says "Get away, you scumbags!" The other says:
"I'm sorry for what my friend said, I would like to a-pollen-gise"
True Story. I went to pick up a couple of Italian Beef sandwiches curbside last night and as the runner approached with my order, the sandwiches broke through the gravy soaked paper bag and fell to the ground. She was extremely apologetic and said she would re-bag them for us. But I was livid!
I mean, I did not pay for ground beef.
How do stoner couples file their taxes?
I just saw Jesus & a couple of His disciples drive past me in a new car
Looks like it was a Christler
What do you call a gay couple from Alabama?
Couple of coworkers talking about which eye they shoot with...
then they asked which eye I shoot with. I said neither, I use my finger.
When I was in florida I saw signs saying "animal sanctuary 5$." so I decided to follow them but when I got there it was just a middle aged couple with hundreds of house cats and one dog in a cage.
I met up with a couple mushrooms the other day
They where some pretty fun-gis
If you think 2020 was bad, just wait a couple of years.
Because 2022 is 2020 too.
What is it called when two Irish couples go out on a date?
A man was caught stealing at a supermarket today while standing on the shoulders of a couple of vampires
He was charged with shoplifting on two counts
Why are you bringing me to this mountain river after our couple therapy session?!
Our therapist said I need to valley date you.
I sold a couple ducks today
Once I was in a yogurt shop minding my own business, when I heard a couple of women talking in an interesting accent at one of the nearby tables.
I glanced over and noticed that they were quite attractive. A little on the larger side, but that never stopped me before. So, yogurt cup in hand, I boldly approached their table.
“Excuse me,” I said, “I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation, and I noticed your lovely accents. Are you two ladies from Scotland by any chance?”
They immediately bristled at my question, obviously offended, and one of them snapped at me, “It’s Wales!”
“No offense intended,” I replied. “Please allow me to try again...are you two whales from Scotland?”
A good title for a conservative news article a couple days ago when Trump declared “Stop the count!” after Biden started making gains but Trump still could’ve shocked the world would’ve been...
“Trump’s Not Down For the Count”
There is a couple, that always waits in front of orphanages before they open.
They're better known as the early adopters.
I was working behind the bar today when two guys came in and tried to pay with a couple of counterfeit £10 notes. When I told the manager, he asked what they looked like..
“Like £10 notes” I told him
Why did the couple cancel their dinner plans at the local Indian restaurant?
They agreed it was a naan-starter
With the McRib re-released a couple of days ago, I did this at McDonalds drive-thru today:
Me: Do you have Mac Rib in that special box.
Order Girl: Yes, yes we do.
Me: You should let him out. And I'll take three of them and a large fry.
(I was the only one that laughed, she just read back my total)
I have a dirty story about a couple of chickens in a motel room...
It's just two fowl to discuss
A couple days ago i was looking at a fractal
Sadly i never got to see the end of it
What do you call it when an older married gay couple make it a rule to go out at least once every 2 weeks?
A couple is sitting in the living room drinking beer
Out of the blue the husband says, “ I love you”
“ Is that you or the beer talking” asks the wife
“It’s me” says the husband “talking to the Beer”
I told a couple airplane jokes to my friends
But none of them landed well
I left a couple of joints in my Ford Fiesta
I know a Vietnamese couple who got married and decided to both hyphenate their last names
It was a Nguyen-Nguyen scenario
Went to pop a couple anti-inflammatory pills while getting ready for work and wife asks which brand I wanted
I said, “I’m taking Advil before Aleeve”
Did you hear about the couple getting ready for a day in the desert?
They were dunesday preppers.
A couple of character shifts and Alice in Wonderland becomes A Lice in Wonderland.
After a couple of weeks of trying, my wife just told me that she was pregnant!
She has the worst stutter ever.
A couple of cows were smokin’ a joint and playin’ cards...
...that’s right, the steaks were pretty high.
A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing poker
That's right!! The steaks were pretty high.
A man was caught stealing from a supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires;
He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don't work out.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
