What did Bugs Bunny say when the doctor asked him how he should be contacted with his test results?

WhatsApp doc.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/emu404
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Our friend Chuck hasn’t contacted us for months, so we renamed him Huck.

Because long time no C.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 59
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 25 2020
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I was having trouble with my computer, so I contacted IT support. The man said, 'Have you tried disabling cookies?'

I said, 'Well, I once bit the legs off a gingerbread man.'

πŸ‘οΈŽ 49
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RatherBeCleanBandit
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I contacted someone to replace the old wood on my floor.

I’m still waiting for a re ply.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 184
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 31 2018
🚨︎ report
Best way to contact a dead Italian.....

.....use a Luigi Board.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 68
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Just deleted all the German contacts off my phone.

...it’s now Hans free.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sminky99
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I took out my contact lenses at midnight.

Goodbye 20/20.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 47
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dinosaur that lost his contact lenses?

Doyouthinkhesaurus.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/imustrun580
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
If Mario’s brother died, would he contact him through a Luigi board?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Kabukimansanjoe
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Me and my wife got into an argument about how to contact an ancient Chinese dynasty...

She said...

"Talk to the Hans."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HypnotizeD_X
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Two chinese Christians are having a contest to see who can contact God the fastest. After one wins, the other looks at him and says

"Well prayed"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/runew0lf
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 22 2020
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My friend fell down a flight of steps then started looking at me without breaking eye contact...

I'm not sure why he was stairing.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I ordered a self help tape called, "How to handle disappointment."...

When the package came....the box was empty.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
I got a contact to make a documentary about shoemakers. They didn't give me enough time to a great job...

...but I manged to cobble something together last minute.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 06 2020
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When my friend won the lottery he was alarmed out how many relatives started contacting him...

It was heir raising.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my spectacles. I will find you.

I have contacts.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/OliPark
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally went to bed with my contact lenses in the other night.

My dreams have never been clearer.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/whoisapotato
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘€
πŸ‘οΈŽ 354
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/____moonchild
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Warning...."To the person who stole my glasses....."

"I'll find you....I have contacts."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
How does an orchestra keep in contact with each other?

They touch bass.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VaiterZen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My customers keep complaining that they're receiving empty boxes with no contacts in them

but they're the ones that keep requesting contactless delivery!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Willnotholdoor4Hodor
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a contact lens problem.

I have no contact lens solution.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 26
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/grumpy_hubby
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

show more
πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
β€ͺWe agreed to start greeting each other without making physical contact...‬

Then we shook on it.‬

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.

He didn’t want to make a spectacle.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 275
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my kid to make eye contact when talking.

But he just keeps headbutting people.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/IAbstainFromSociety
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Before my operation last week, the nurse wanted to know if I could give them a contact number in case of an emergency...

I said, "911."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Contact lenses are better than glasses

At least in my eyes

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PhpXp
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
How does a medium contact a dead window washer?

With a squeegee board

πŸ‘οΈŽ 59
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jbholt
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Quickest way to contact god in 2019

Send a knee-mail

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/vandango05
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Does anyone here want a free iPhone 11? If so, contact me.

We can then talk about how we both want a free iPhone.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Running away from human contact.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/couragethebravestdog
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 18 2018
🚨︎ report
It was hard for scientists to create a liquid for contacts

But they came up with a solution

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/4ork_Reddit
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve gotten so used to taking my contacts out over the years...

I should be able to take them out with my eyes closed

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/One-Comma-Club
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the boy whose glasses were stolen find them?

He had his contacts

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MangoAway17
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My dog ate my contact lenses

Do you suppose that he's seeing shit more clearly now?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Airsoftjunky97
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you get in contact with a Greek architect?

You column.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/slmckay73
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 21 2017
🚨︎ report
Get it..?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cfoster14
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Ha ha
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mask3dman805
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Want to contact the spirit of a dead Italian ?

Use a Luigi board.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What does Mario use to contact his dead relatives?

A Luigi board

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Kabukimansanjoe
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Two chinese Christians are having a contest to see who can contact God the fastest. After one wins, the other looks at him and says

"Well prayed"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of board do Italians use to contact the dead?

A Luigi board

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Deadly_R
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

show more
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HornyBastard37484739
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a contact lens problem.

I have no contact lens solution.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 210
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I've deleted all the German contacts I know off my phone...

Now it's Hans free

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/B-man44
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report

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