They’re worried it’s going to push people over the edge......
Her: what?
Me: ... What IS that?!
Her: what's what?
Me: there's someone on the side of your face...
Her: "what? Oh god, where" proceeds to try to wipe face
Me: right there! .. oh, it's just your ear!
But I think their fears were ungrounded
To be honest, I'm not shedding any tears over it.
It’s probably a good thing considering they’re both well-known carriers.
I’m not sure I can run that far
The event will be affectionately named WHO Cares
A stable economy.
Narnia business!
They're all right now.
My wife discovered a tick in our house - likely brought in by the dog after a hike with the family that day. At dinner, it prompted a discussion about the relative risk of Lyme disease and its recent increase in media coverage. My wife made the argument that, while incidents were up, the overall risk is really quite low when you look at actually numbers of incidents. As such, the media coverage is not warranted relative to other safety concerns. My rebuttal:
"Frankly, I think it's about time we had a tick talk"
I was reading through current articles of world news today and came across this relatively lighthearted article. My Father's response made it even better.
Iceland will halt construction of a new road as they have received concerns about the safety of elf habitats.
My father determined that the department responsible for this decision was the "Department of Elf and Safety".
http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-27907358
He says he can stop whenever he wants.
...which is why we built the larger trebuchet.
that her bread dough was not rising properly. But that was the yeast of her worries.
Of corpse, please come to a dead stop.
New cases have lately been on an uptick.
I told her don't worry about it, he came out of me first and it felt fine.
One day, the dad went to use the bathroom, thinking it was unused. There was a loud crash and he sighed, staring down at the scattered mess on the floor.
"Please, son," he said, "will you quit leaving the door a jar?"
Cemeteries have a lot of coffin.
Car dealerships have more cars in their lots than ever!
Beets me
I mean even the Sun has 'corona-sphere'
They knew that they would eventually get over it.
I said his concerns are poultry.
He said it looked like it had never been used!
(True story, that. Meaning that he said it. I'm guessing it's something he enjoys saying to people who he doesn't have to give bad or concerning news to.)
I might get a bit carried away.
Thankfully, turns out it's in my blood. I come from a long line of Fathers.
Because it had seen some shit.
Her said called her and said Mom isn't doing well. She got all worried and started getting emotional so she called her Grandmother to ask what was going on. She found out that Doctors are telling her one of her ovaries seems missing and they don't know where it is. She seemed relieved to find this out as it wasn't as serious as her dad made it out to be but was still concerned.
I told her that her dad had an ovaryaction.
Neither one is concerned about cross contamination.
I screamed, "AND!?"
but visitors still showed up to view the
Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
Doctor: I'm a Dermatologist, not a veterinarian.
Surprised, she asked, "How do you know?"
I replied, "Well, it's a little pail!"
This isn't a dad joke. This is a thank you to everyone on this subreddit. 6 weeks ago the love of my life broke things off with me due to factors attributed to my mental health (which i didn't tell her about because she is struggling with uni and i didn't want her to worry) and I've been having an extremely difficult time coming to terms with it. She's falling for another guy while I've been self destructing to the point where she never wants to talk to me again. But i found this subreddit today, the jokes are so stupid and funny that for the first time since before the breakup, I've laughed and it was genuine. Thank you so much for your stupid jokes. You've saved my life as far as I'm concerned. I still have a long way to to, but this subreddit is definitely going to get me through it. Thank you 💖
I mean, that epic music really is disturbing! So many sax and violins!
“No. They all left!”
"Don't worry, I didn't spill olive them."
