What do you call a Roman with a cold?

Julius Sneezer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElliotNunstedt
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
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What do you call a Belgian with a cold

phlegmish

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πŸ‘€︎ u/celloninja7
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
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What do you call a cold hooker?

A frostitute.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iswitt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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What do the Japanese call a gang member responsible for keeping the boss's beer cold?

The Yakoozie!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImJKP
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
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What do you call a baker with a cold?

Coughee cake!

Its cake and y'all know the rules!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amnzul
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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What do you call a cold Mexican food?

A brrrrrrrrrrrrrito

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Gus3114
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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What do you call a peanut with a cold?

CASHEW

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πŸ‘€︎ u/qlomy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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What do you call a cold canine?

A chili dog.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/static612
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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A chemist froze himself at -273.15Β°C. Everyone said he was crazy

But he was 0K.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/farrukhsshah
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
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What do you call a nut with a cold?

A ca-SHEWWWWW

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TACKYTUESDAY
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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What do you call Mexican jumping beans with a cold?

Coffee beans.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NnyBees
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
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Why was it called the Cold War

Cuz they were Stalin’ for time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LostInBilation
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
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What do you call a male Mummy with a cold?

I'm not sure either. Sir Cough I guess.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shycancouple
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
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What do you call a vampire with a cold?

A nosferatchu

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πŸ‘€︎ u/john_dune
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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What do you call two cold gay men?

Polar bears

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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What do you call an animal that makes your chin really really cold?

A chinchilla

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
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What do you call a mythical creature with a cold?

Achoopacabra

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ltdansicecream1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
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What do you call a really cold shirt?

Iced Tee

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πŸ‘€︎ u/filthyaverage
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
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What do you call a cold you get twice?

De ja-flu

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hurmando
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2018
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My College Internship Almost Ruined My Life

I'm quite the music history buff- always have been. My first inkling as a college student was to explore turning this into a career. So I found a music museum, wrote an impassioned essay, and somehow landed the 12-week internship.

When I got there, I met the curator, a woman named Rhonda. Like me, she had grown up enjoying music and always wanting to know more. Thanks to grants and donors' generosity, she had helped continue the museum's legacy of showcasing what might otherwise be lost to history.

The tradition of the museum had always been to let the interns work in the orchestral wing. My assignment in particular was the string section.

Now I didn't know a whole lot about the string family, but I saw some really fine specimens and decided we could perhaps tell a broader story about the progression of the instruments. And so I began studying.

After about a week of studying, I went to Rhonda and asked if we could do something different here. She was very receptive to the idea and introduced me to her assistant, Dr. Will. His PhD was in history, natch, but he still relished having everyone call him Doctor. It was funny.

Dr. Will helped me learn so much about how the family of instruments developed over time, their overall cultural footprint, etc.

Did you know a fiddle and a violin are the same thing? Did you know the viola family dates back to the 16th C.? Vivaldi wrote 25 cello concertos!

I dazzled visitors with tales of the Stradivarius, Amati and Guarneri families. I noted the increase in neck length over time. I reassured them that despite the name catgut, no cat intestines were used in the creation of these instrumentsβ€”but it sure might be sheep or goat.

Sadly, 12 weeks goes by quickly when you're having fun, and I got enthusiastic letters of recommendation from Rhonda and Dr. Will, and I do miss them. Hello, you two.

I figured I could waltz (sorry) right in to more museum jobs later, but boy, was I mistaken.

I kept interviewing for the job, but after about the 10th cold shoulder, I had to find out what I was doing wrong. I had done such a good job, after all, right??????

So I fucking called the museum

got the guy who interviewed me on the lineβ€”and he wasn't thrilled to even talk to me. But I asked him, sir, why didn't I even get a call back? Weren't my qualifications good?

He said, yes, BUT.......

"...we simply can't hire someone who has exhibited a history of violins."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yungcfa
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
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What do you call a cold burrito?

A burrrr-ito!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jamian11
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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What do you call a person who eats other people slowly?

A cannibble

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fractiousrhubarb
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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What do you call a cold sword?

Excaliburrrrrrrr

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePat545
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2017
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What do you call a cold little taco?

A brrr-ito.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrepuscularKitten
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2017
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Some well considered puns

From an email my cousin sent me:

I wanted to be a monk but I never got the chants.

I was kidnapped by mimes, they did unspeakable things to me.

The finest shoes are made of smooth leather, my opinion will never be suede.

A perfectionist walked into a bar - apparently it wasn't set high enough.

Man injured in bizarre peek-a-boo accident! He's in ICU.

Went to this horrible bar called "The Fiddle" ... it really was a vile inn.

To the thief who stole my glasses, I will find you - I have contacts.

If any of you knows how to fix hinges my door is always open.

Police car loses wheels to thief! Cops are working tirelessly to nab suspect.

Cold? Go stand in the corner, it's 90 degrees.

If your guy doesn't appreciate fresh fruit puns let that mango.

A few puns make me numb but math puns make me number.

My friend was explaining electricity and I was like "Watt"?

Someone threw a jar of mayo at me, I was like "What the hellman?"

Where did the Terminator find toilet paper? Aisle B, back.

Due to the quarantine I'll only be doing inside jokes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eli_Truax
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
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What do you call a cold, angry pig?

A ham-brr-grr.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeCool888
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2017
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What do some Spanish people call "getting cold feet?"

Chilitos.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boson707
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2016
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Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.

I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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what do you call a gay man with a cold?

Phlegm-Boyant!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kaboose286
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2015
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Earlier, I was driving behind an ambulance when a cooler fell off the back. I stopped and opened it up to find a foot inside..

So I decided to call a toe-truck.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThaPlymouth
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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called my girlfriend the ice queen. (cold and emotionless)

She looks me dead in the eyes and said 'the cold doesn't bother me anyway'

Hi five then walk away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whistler6576
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2016
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What do you call being cold in a meat freezer?

Chilly con Carne.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnjohnsPez
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2016
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What do you call a Roman with a cold?

Julius Sneezar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElliotNunstedt
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
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What do you call an espresso with a cold....

Coughee.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCraay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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What do you call a cold hooker?

A frostitute.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_fish_friar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
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What do you call cold Mexican food?

Chillychangas

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flameball537
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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What do you call a cold hot dog?

A chili dog

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mizzmeowkins
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
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A chemist froze himself to -273.15Β°C and everyone called him crazy but personally,

I think he was 0K

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Niyi_M
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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What do you call a cold hot dog?

A Chilly Dog

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bossmoss91
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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What do you call an animal that makes your chin really really cold?

A chinchilla

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
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What do you call a Roman with a cold?

Julius Sneezar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gett-itt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2017
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