...It was Kief or Southernland.
iLand
Must be why they call them hurry-canes.
Inflation.
Thereβs something fishy about them.
The captain goes to use the radio to get help and says βweβre sinking! Weβre sinking!β
The German operator answers βwhat are you sinking about?β
I said don't be Sicily.
(what my dad texted me from the airplane home)
The golf coast.
Because he was too far out
Crimea, Rivers.
Island.
Because itβs Chile...
Itβs 2019 here, you gotta stop living in the past.
If they had tested positive for marijuana, would they be baked mussels?
You're to far out man!
Santa cruz
I'm dreaming of a Wight Isthmus.
Happy Wester!
The north coast
"Well babe, I guess I woke up early for no porpoise."
She normally loves puns but all this got me was a eye-roll and a groan.
As soon as they found out they were in trouble, they started over the radio, βMayday, Mayday, We are Sinking, I repeat, We are sinking!β
A little while later the German Coast Guard responds, β Allo, zis is zee German Coast Guard, Vat are you sinking about?β
I can also tell when they're standing.
EDIT: from https://jokeriot.com
Dad said it was the highlight of his trip
I said, don't be so scilly.
What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!
I heard a scary math joke, but Iβm 2^^2 to tell it!
Have you heard of that new movie, βConstipationβ? Well it doesnβt matter, it never came out.
I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said βNo, doc, itβs dis knee.β
Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.
When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses donβt cause reactions, after all.
Whatβs the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.
What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!
I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."
Why canβt you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!
Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.
Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You donβt wanna wake the sleeping pills.
What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!
What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!
Help, I canβt stop reading books with female protagonists! Iβm a heroine addict!
How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!
When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!
19 and 20 got into a fight⦠21.
My friend told me, βPeople who sell meat are disgusting!β So I said, βYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!β
How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!
What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bondβ¦ ionic bond. βTaken, not shared.β What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)
How much does Santaβs sleigh cost? $0, itβs on the house.
If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.
I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.
Iβm going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, Iβm outstanding.
Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!
What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide Whatβs the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon
Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But thatβs just a blanket statem
... keep reading on reddit β‘To me, this just sounds like a bunch of monkey business.
Nobody has posted anything all year!
No Biggie.
My best friend lives on the East Coast. Iβm on the West. He often streams his games over Skype so I can hang out and watch. He was playing the Witcher 3, and fighting the water monster men. I said βThey just want to know the shape of you,β and he coincidentally died at that moment.
He got really, really mad. I always knew my puns annoyed him a little, but when I was sad, heβd tell dumb puns heβd google to cheer me up. But he just went into a tangent on how much puns annoy him and how he doesnβt get that I keep doing them over and over again every day whenever I talk with him. Trying to stop or cut back on puns would be pretty difficult and make me sad; I love witty wordplay and commentary, and bottling it up feels awful. But apparently it really, really annoys him.
What should I do?
Last night my wife and I were getting some of our things together in preparation for a vacation this weekend.
Wife: there's just too much to pack
Me: Yeah, it's not a Biggie
Wife:... shakes head sadly
I said donβt be Sicilly
I said dont be Sicily
...I said "don't be Sicily"
