I guess it fell flat
The bass section
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long
Now that the Tenors had left, everyone has been pretty SAB lately.
How can you be so hatless?
Him - Why is it called "Black Widow, Baby"?
Me - Because Black Widows are notorious for killing their husbands.
Him - It should be called "Black Bear Pirate"
Me - Why?
Him - Because they say "You should've known better than to mess with me honey."
I need help naming an online hair bow store and I'd LOVE to use a punny name. But...My brain is fried and I can't think of anything. Help!
There once was a lumberjack who was known as the hardest working lumberjack in the woods. Old Doolittle Dawort Deigh had a reputation and the complete respect of his coworkers for nearly 60 years. As we all know, tough lumberjacks can’t have sissy names. So many years ago, as was the tradition in the woods, old Doolittle Dawort Deigh was saddled with a nickname and had become known as simply Do Dah.
One tragic afternoon, old Do Dah was working his trade when a tree happened to fall the wrong way. Poor old Do Dah was squished flatter than a lumberjack flapjack. His coworkers, distraught at the thought of breaking the news of Do Dah’s death to his elderly wife, decided that perhaps if bad news was presented in a somewhat good way, it might soften the blow.
So that afternoon, old Do Dah’s fellow lumberjacks gathered on the stoop of the now widowed Mrs. Deigh and hesitantly knocked on the door. It took a few minutes for the old widow to make it across the room to the door. Finally as the door creaked open, the chorus of lumberjacks launched into a rousing rendition of
♪ Guess who died in the woods today ♫ Do Dah, Do Dah. ♫ Guess who died in the woods today Old Do Dah Deigh. ♬
The Headless Chorus-Men
My classroom has air conditioning, but it only kicks in on warm days like today. When my fifth graders came in this morning, a couple immediately started complaining. "It's freezing in here!"
I had been waiting for this opportunity all year! I pointed to the corner of the room. "Well, if you're cold, you can go stand over there. The corner is 90º!"
The best part was the chorus of incredulous students shouting "really?!" who then went over to investigate. It wasn't until they pointed out that the temperature was same over there that they realized they had been duped.
So I just sang my wife the chorus from boots are made for walking but I changed it a little. It goes like this: ♪Those hips are made for birthin', and that's just what they'll do. One of these days next week they'll push a baby out of you!♪
She wasn't very excited. Talk about a tough critic...
My dad and I were watching the ball drop when Miley started performing 'Wrecking Ball'.
He turns to me and says, "Knock, knock"
Me, "Oh God, who's there?"
Him, "Hakeem"
Me, "Hakkem who?"
and right as the chorus came on, he sings at the top of his lungs,
"HAKEEEEEEM INNN LIKEEE A WREEECKKKKINNNGG BALLLL!"
I work for an organisation which has a very institutionalised system whereby the newest hires are the shit kickers and the people who have been there longest have it easiest. I knew it when I signed up and now I've done my time and moved up the totem pole a bit. I was lucky enough to be one of 10 people hired at the same time in this hiring period and so the shit was spread out a bit.
We have a small fleet of cars that need to be washed every Sunday. This is the newest hire's responsibility. About 2-3 months into the job I was washing the cars with a few of my other new colleagues. Our supervisor pokes his head out of the building and barks at us "Make sure you do a good job; don't forget to do the wheels!"
"Don't worry boss," I replied, "I'll do a wheelie good job!"
Have you ever heard a chorus of groans? I have.
So this was in the summer of 2011 and at the time this song was a big hit: Medina - You and I. The important part here is the chorus, starting at 0:44.
So in the middle of the song I ask my friend "Do you know what kind of car this singer drives?"
"No idea", she said. To which I replied "A hyu-n-dai."
She almost threw me out of the car.
During our trip, U2's "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" played on the radio.
When Bono sang that line in the first chorus, my dad replied, "Really, Bono? You've been looking for like 20 years now!"
I'm visiting my parents from out of town and we all had gone outside to see the super moon and the meteor shower.
My dad waited until I said something along the lines of "oh wow look at the super moon."
That's when it started. He began singing "Super moon, super moon, it's super moonay" to the tune of "super freak." My mom, not to be outdone, joined in.
I'm clearly not having it so after seeing the super moon I go back inside. They follow me inside and I trip over their dog Tink. Annoyed I said, "Stupid Tink" setting off a new chorus of Super Tink.
We are in the left most lane on a three lane street and the guy in the middle lane turns left in front of us and cuts us off.
My mom: "He had to cut us off because he couldn't get into the right lane."
Dad: "You mean the left lane."
Mom: "God damnit."
Chorus of laugher from me and my dad.
We had just finished up the annual St. Patty's Irish dinner and my mother-in-law says, "I counted out the potatoes before I cooked, but I guess I didn't cook enough."
Me: "So I guess you could say we have a real...potato famine?"
I promptly saw myself out to a chorus of groans.
