The vet replied, "Nothing major, he's just really heavy!"
A private investigator.
"Inch high knees!" I replied.
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After giving all the nuggets a medical exam I realized my toddler was asking for ketchup.
I think they just get a kick out of it.
And I was informed that the "10lbs" on the diaper package was for the weight of the baby, not the diaper's load capacity... Who knew?
I'm just not sure about this Dr. Acula.
Doctor says I have 2020 vision.
The head veterinarian at a zoo noticed something alarming in a patientβs record. A monkey that had been a healthy weight at its last checkup was now recorded as being only half that.
Fearing for the monkeyβs health, he went and saw it, expecting it to be sickly and skeletal. However, the monkey seemed totally normal. Confused told his staff to weigh the monkey again.
They did, but the number they reported was still astonishingly low. Sure it was a mistake, he went to weigh the monkey for himself. But when he put the monkey on the scale, it showed a number that was still far too low, and couldnβt possibly be right.
After a moment he spotted the problem: behind the scale was a grab bar on the wall, and the monkey had stealthily grabbed it with its tail, and was supporting some of its weight off the scale that way.
So the monkey's weight was fine, they just weren't paying attention to de tail.
After the checkup, my doctor recommended I up my coffee intake to two pots a day, eat more saturated fats, and start smoking.
I'm beginning to suspect he knows about me and his wife.
A dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.
He has his food prepared for him.
He can eat whenever he wants, 24/7/365.
His meals are provided at no cost to him.
By the way he does not need to pay for medical insurance.
He visits the doctor once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this he pays nothing and nothing is required of him.
He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep.
If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.
He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.
He receives these accommodations absolutely free.
He is living like a King, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.
All of his costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head.......
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A dog is like a βPOLITICIANβ
Today was my youngest son's 18 month checkup and when the doctor came in the first thing he said was "please excuse my voice, I'm a little hoarse". Without hesitation I said "you don't look like one".
He just looked at me for a second and then laughed. My wife hid her face in her hands. Mission accomplished. If only my son were old enough to know what happened.
While at the hospital, a nurse walked into my grandfather's room for a routine checkup. This exchange happened during their conversation:
Nurse: "Have you felt any fluttering in your chest?" Grandfather: "Only since you walked in!"
My grandfather was always quick to the draw, and I'll miss him dearly.
My wife is pregnant and talking about how much she weighs now but we don't have a scale so I asked her how she knows her weight.
She said she gets weighed every checkup at the doctors.
Her dad: do they have a weigh-ting room?
The other day my cousin brought his 10-week-old Siberian Husky for a routine checkup. Apparently, this happened:
Cousin: So how is his weight?
Vet: Well he's not overweight, but he does appear to be ... a little husky.
