My printer was making music so I checked it out.
I wanted to do panic buying. So I checked my account.....
Have you guys checked the news today?
Last time I flew my plane a Navy pilot checked his speed right after me. Ground said he was doing 761 mph.
Knot gonna lie I think he was mach-ing me.
The earliest memory I have is going to the doctor with my dad to get my eyes checked.
Things before that is a blur.
Doctor arrested for theft. He checked the purse of his patient.
Today, I checked out at the store, but the cashier kept taking pictures of herself with each item I was purchasing...
I'll never go thru the selfie checkout again!
I've had a chiropractor phobia extending from a childhood trauma. Wife finally convinced me to get my back checked out and treated. Wife afterwards: See, that wasn't too bad
Ive checked and checked and i just cant work out why my calculator has stopped working!!!
Pirate goes to doctor to have groin pain checked. Dr. looks down pirates pants and says, “you have a captain’s steering wheel in your pants.”
Pirate replied, “arghh, it’s driving me nuts”.
I checked out r/rareinsults the other day
Doctor: Have your eyes ever been checked?
Patient: No, they’ve always been green.
Dad, I checked. There was no mail today.
Wasted 4 hours in the ER this morning getting a mole checked out.
Apparently they all look the same and I should have left it in the yard.
A guy goes into a library and asks about books on premature ejaculation. The librarian tells him the book is checked out til next week.
The guy comes in the next day looking for the books again but quickly apologizes. Sorry I came early.
I checked into a motel and the clerk told me I had the second room on the second floor. He picked up the key to hand to me, but hesitated and took it back.
I said, “Well? 2B or not 2B?”
I have a simple standard for dadjoke quality: the joke should not simply be a lame, obvious pun that anyone could think of. So I checked to see if any of this sub's top ten jokes met this standard
An acronym walked into a blood-bank and asked to get his blood-type checked. Nurse said...
No need. You're a Type-o.
I just checked my body mass index. It says I'm a beast
What did the cracker say when he checked into a 5 star hotel?
I got fired from my bank job because I checked a customer’s balance
Went back to the doctor to have my blood checked again..
I saw a woman who said to check her balance, I paused and wondered why she asked that but I checked her balance with a push and she tumbled to the ground. I shruged, got my bank statement and left the bank.
Maybe aliens exist but they decided not to come to Earth when they checked the reviews and saw that it only has one star
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. ''But why?'' they asked, as they moved off. ''because,'' he said ''I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.''
Hey dad what's the first thing a monster eats after getting his teeth checked?
I checked up on my son's internet history, and there wasn't anything.
Apart from three days ago when he searched: 'How to use incognito mode'.
a pirate has pimples and gets them checked out by a doctor
the doctor tells him that they're benign so he's fine and the pirate responds "no thar be ten"
Go ahead and have your brakes checked!
Dude, she just totally checked me out.
Right after paying for our food at the cafeteria at work.
Co-worker about the woman working the cash register: "Dude, she just totally checked me out."
Me: "Yea she checked me out too. There goes $4.60."
Normally my electronic scale shows a number, like "205". But today when I checked my weight, it just said "Low".
So I'm feeling pretty good about myself.
It took me $200 to get my stool sample checked at the clinic.
I checked myself out of the hospital against my doctor's wishes.
At the airport gate, they announce that all smart bags must be checked. My mom asks my dad, "What's a smart bag?"
"The opposite of a douche bag"
What did Freddy Mercury say about the new airline fee for checked bags?
Carry on, Carry on. Doesn’t really matter.
My wife checked this sub out for the first time and said, “I groaned at most of the jokes on here.”
I said, “Yes. They /r/dadjokes.
I went to the zoo the other day, walked past a cage with just a baguette in it. Confused, I checked the sign......
.........it said bread in captivity
I checked my savings account yesterday....
It wasn't very interesting.
What did the 70s rock singer say when his son asked whether their suitcase was a carry on or a checked bag?
A man is having pains so he goes to the doctor to get checked out. The doctor does some tests and comes back telling the man that he has a bacterial growth in his bladder causing pain. The man asks what's they means for him. The doctor replies...
I checked yesterday’s news on twitter and told my friend.
He told me ‘You should’ve reddit by now’.
A pirate goes to the doctor to get some suspicious moles checked.
The doctor, after examining him: Don’t worry. They’re benign.
Pirate: Are you sure? I thought I counted ten.
This is a halal pun, I checked
My printer was making music so I checked it out
Turns out the paper was jamming
My printer started making music, so I checked it out...
I have a simple standard for dadjoke quality: the joke should not simply be a lame, obvious pun that anyone could think of. So I checked to see if this sub's top ten jokes met this standard.
A doctor says to a patient “Have your eyes been checked?” ...
“No doc, they’ve always been blue”. The patient replies
Aliens haven't visited Earth because they checked the reviews on our solar system and only saw one star.