All this stress lately has me trying new things. For example, I've discovered that brake fluid is actually delicious. I'm up to a case a day, but there's no need to worry about me.
In case you're feeling crummy.
Given that a case of the sniffles means staying home from school, we give my daughter a daily allergy medicine. My wife was giving her breakfast before school, and when I walked out, I asked if she’d had her medicine yet.
My daughter said yes, and I replied, “So you’re de-Claritin that you’ve had it already?”
Why did the case of the toilet bandit go cold?
They had nothing to go on.
What's the president's backup plan in case the USA gets invaded?
In what case do bullets finally do their job?
When they’re fired.
finger guns
A Harper Lee novel on trial refused to open up about their case case, but was still judged by it's cover.
Moral of the story... Don't kill animals.
Edit: remove one case
Why do detectives tend to scrutinize individuals with bluish eyes in cases of poisoning?
Because the real killer is usually cyan-eyed.
Why is there no COVID cases in Antarctica
Because it’s so ice-o-lated
The lawyer always kept losing his cases
He didn't mind cause he was practicing
The deaf girl didn’t show up to her court case yesterday
What do cops do when handed a cold case?
They work on it undercover.
I told my boss, “Sorry I’m late. I was having computer issues.”
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It’s my laptop.
My ADHD medicine comes in a case shaped like a 3-sided polygon where each side is the same size, and the pills are distributed uniformly.
It's an equal Adderall triangle.
Why aren’t there any COVID-19 cases in Antarctica?
Because they’re all ice-olated.
My favorite Hollywood movie has to be “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”.
From the mouths of babes (in this case my seven year old daughter as I was leaving this morning...)
Daughter: Dad, it's really STUPID out there today. You'd better take your dumbrella.
Me: I've never been more proud.
At the hospital they’re taking virus cases on a ‘first catch’ basis...
It’s in a corona-logical order.
This case has been a stain on our reputation.
We need to solve it quickly. Send for Det. Urgent
Johnny Depp has lost his case against The Sun newspaper even with evidences
Hard to win if Amber is Heard and Johnny is not
The German government is calling for everybody to stock up on sausage and cheese in case of a second lockdown.
It's the Wurst-käse-scenario
With the increasing cases of Covid in America, I was worried there would be a shortage of paper towels.
But I found the grocery story to be Bounty full.
Just wrote a book about falling down the stair case
It's a step-by-step guide
Why there's no COVID Cases in Antartica
-Cause they're ICE-O-LATED
What's everyone been using to scrape ice off their cars? I have been using a discount card.
Only been getting 25% off.
I wasn't able to carry my case.
Why did Stalin only write in lower case?
He was afraid of Capitalism.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
Are physical puns a thing here? I'm just gonna leave this here
Initially the US was way behind other countries in COVID-19 cases.
Little did those countries know, the US had a Trump card.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
Man: "Doctor, Doctor. All my sons want to be valets when they grow up."
Doctor: "WOW, That's the worst case of Parking Son's disease I've ever seen."
My friend accused me of stealing his thesaurus.
Not only was I shocked, I was appalled, distraught, surprised, and taken aback.
A man who took a airline to court for losing his luggage...
No one knows for sure how many Covid cases there are...
Does anybody know how many COVID-19 cases they have in Antarctica?
None. Because they’re Ice-o-lated.
An English professor was telling his class that a double negative makes a positive, but there was no case in which a double positive creates a negative.
From the back of the room a Physics professor said, "Yeah, yeah."
We need to crack down on Marijuana usage
A man went to the doctor’s and told him, “I feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”
He said, “Wow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”
I wonder why the corona cases are so low in Deutschland
I mean, its called Germ-many
So Poland's dealing with a surge in the number of the novel coronavirus cases. Can we say that the Winged HusSARS arrived?
The audiologist had his malpractice case thrown out.
The judge ruled the evidence was all ear-relevant.
I normally knock on the fridge door before I open it...
Just in case there’s a salad dressing
Why are there no cases of Covid in Antarctica?
Because they're so well Ice-o-lated.
Why isn’t there any COVID-19 cases in Antarctica?
Because they’re ice-o-lated.
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