Who do British people pronounce the word as Bri ish?

Because they drank all the tea

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlastBroFrenzyMan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
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Why do British people say they’re β€œbri’ish”?

Because they drank the T

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eThunderSnow
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
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Turns out there’s a group of people who believe the earth is just a rented apartment from galactic British overlords

damn flat earthers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lurebat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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Why do British people not pronounce their t's?

They've drunken all of it already.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourCreepyGramps
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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Why do British people display such an inviting behaviour?

Because they add U to everything

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
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British people look at me strangely when I say "nil."

It means nothing to them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
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Why are British people always in a panic?

Because they can’t find the brexit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fat-bandit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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What do immortal British people drink?


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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpaceGuy99
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
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(British pun) People keep saying Trump might dessert the country...

Is that because he has been backed into a MΓΌller Corner?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Statically
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2018
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I’m often a witness to my British friend Richard’s antics, involving randomly placing baked desserts in people’s homes.

More than once I’ve spotted Dick putting.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiteWalterBlack
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
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Why are rich british people fat? reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2018
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What weapon do British people use to make their enemies go away?

A sod off shotgun.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Not_Brandon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2014
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Friend asked me why british people drive on the wrong side of the road...

Told her it was because americans drive on the RIGHT side of the road!

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2015
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πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ‘€︎ u/shampoo_and_dick
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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An in eresting title
πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ‘€︎ u/techno_chef
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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Bee strong
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ‘€︎ u/MilPens
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
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Why is the letter "C" afraid of the rest of the alphabet?

Because all the other letters are Not-Cs

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2018
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I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, β€œConstipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said β€œNo, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, β€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, β€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. β€œTaken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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Why does Waldo wear a striped shirt?

Well, he sure doesn't want to be spotted

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ‘€︎ u/125bench
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2018
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4yo asks: What if I really was an ant?

During dinner, I compared how Son #2 [4yo] was eating his spaghetti to an anteater. This sparked the following conversation.

Son #2: "What if I really was an ant?"

Son #1 [7yo]: "Then you wouldn't really eat very much spaghetti. Ants eat just a little because they're so small."

Me: "Well, did you know it's pretty likely that, eventually, your sister will grow up to be an aunt?"

Daughter [5yo]: "What?"

Me: "Yeah, all it'll take is for one of you boys to have a kid. Then, she'll turn into an aunt."

[Kids look confused. Son #1 has worked out the pun, is rolling eyes.]

Wife: "He's right. We helped do it to Auntie Leah."

[It clicks.]

Daughter: "Oooooh, Daaad."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ‘€︎ u/chaosTechnician
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2017
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Sorry I can't word this better.

So we're watching Doctor Who and we're mimicking the British accents and I had an epiphany... the way they pronounce stuff, like they leave out the hard T sound. City sounds like sih-E and kitten sounds like kih-en... Almost like British people have something against... tea. XD

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VmEoRrItTiAsS
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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A dog can't read an MRI.

But catscan.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ‘€︎ u/FriskySour
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2017
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What do you call a princess who just turned eighteen?

Barely regal


πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ‘€︎ u/wlievens
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2015
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Girlfriend paid me a compliment.

GF: I like your forearms.

Me: I only have two.

I had to explain it, but then she slapped her forehead. I know, she only has one.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ‘€︎ u/shakynerves
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2014
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A British and American walk into a bar

The British man says "You need to do us all a favour and honour people of colour". The American says "No U".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/warmachine237
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2018
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British people be like I'm bri ish

It's because they drank the t

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sss69sss
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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British people be like: I'm bri ish

I guess they drank the t

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ‘€︎ u/NGBNM
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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Wanna know why british people don’t pronounce the t in british?

Because they drank it all

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chiefm2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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