My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days

I said it must be my weekend immune system

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LuxCassandra
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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My boss told me to have a good day ...

so I went home.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/red_snake0329
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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β€œI love my job!” exclaimed the farmer. β€œAll you do is boss me around all day!” complained one of his sheep. β€œWhat did you say?” challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled...

β€œYou herd me!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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I used to think employers valued their workers, until yesterday when I worked a full day, but only got paid twenty cents. I see my boss entirely differently now after that.

It was a real paradigm shift.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotNIpsyRussell
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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My boss yelled at me the other day, β€œYou’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?"

I said, "Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnydarko-
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
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I said to my boss the other day, "I need to leave early today, I'm going to be a father!"

"Of course", he replied. "Take the afternoon off."

When I returned to work the next day, my boss came to my desk. "Well, how'd it go? Is it a boy or a girl?"

"I dunno", I said, "I'll tell you in nine months."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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So I just had my first day at my new job at Subway... My boss told me they've never seen someone as bad as me...

Oh shit, wrong sub!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LupusIP
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
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When a Meteorologist takes a personal day, what does he tell his boss?

I'm feeling a little over the weather.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VNPimpinella
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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Jesus’ brother, James: Boss, my brother just died. I need the day off.

Boss: No problem.

(3 days later)

James: Boss, my brother is in town. I need the day off.

Boss: Wait a second...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
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My uncle Bill's boss hates it when his pay day arrives

cuz he gotta pay the bill

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πŸ‘€︎ u/g0t__em
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
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So my boss helped a black gentleman with his car troubles the other day...

There is this black guy who details cars in our parking lot for the surrounding businesses. My boss was coming back from lunch and noticed this gentleman needed help starting his client's car, so my boss got his cables out and gave the man a jump. When he told the office this I said "Thank you for putting an end to the stereotype that white men can't jump." Everyone gave a collective "ugh!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluebugs23
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2015
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The Boss came into the office yesterday and said, good morning everyone and have a great day.

So we all went out to the bar !

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πŸ‘€︎ u/manicmoose13
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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It was a slow day at work and my boss asked me why I was pretending to clean the counters

I told him I was being counterproductive

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gnslngr7d7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2018
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It was my first day on the job at the Tickle Me Elmo factory. My boss gave me the easiest, but most important, job on the assembly line. After a few hours, my boss frantically ran to my station to check in on me. "Why are you so far behind? Why are marbles and thread scattered everywhere?"

"Sorry boss... I just can't keep up! You told me to give each Elmo two test tickles!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PolarBurrito
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
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Boss pulled a fridge cord out the other day

Was working on a high end home, just trying to hide a wire that went out to a wine cooler, and my boss accidentally pulls the cord out and says,

"Sorry fridge!"

Without skipping a beat, I reply,

"Don't worry, it's cool!"

I'm no dad, but he is, and he thought it was hilarious, and that he would tell his wife that one later.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2016
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Got my boss at work the other day

Employee: Hey Quinton (boss), there's a new guy named Quin starting soon. Boss: He won't be as good as me though. Me: Is it because you're a TON better? The look he gave me was priceless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shredit98
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2016
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My boss made me chuckle a few days ago.

Somebody called our restaurant and asked if they could get a rain check. My boss told the person on the phone,

"Hold on...no, it's not raining outside." I can only imagine the groan of the person over the phone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/galonoth45
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2014
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My boss told me to have a nice day.

So I went home

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
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My boss asked why I only get sick on work days

I said it must be my weekend immune system

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weiderman316
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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My boss told me to have a good day...

I said sure and headed home

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomsarc2005
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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Sheep to Farmer: All you do is boss me around all day!

Farmer: What did you say?

Sheep: You herd me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pozd5995
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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My boss told me to have a good day,

so I went home.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobRoy333
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
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My boss told me to have a good day ...

... so I went home.

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/randomredditor512
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
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My boss told me to have a good day.

So, I went home.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/conspicuous_red
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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My boss told me to have a good day...

So I went home

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RND2KO
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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My boss told me to have a good day....

So I went home!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TamableVirus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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My boss told me to have a good day...

...so I went home.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shayan012
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
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This morning, my boss told me, β€œHave a nice day!”

So I packed up my stuff and went home.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2018
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My Boss told me to have a good day...

So I went home!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shwastedd
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2017
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