A man who had just died was delivered to the mortuary wearing a beautiful black suit.

The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says β€œI don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, β€œwhatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says β€œthere’s no charge.” Shocked she replies β€œno really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” β€œHonestly ma’am”, the mortician says, β€œit costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PaladinDanza
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
What do you call a polar bear in the jungle?

Lost

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jesuscide
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
🚨︎ report
I drew a picture of a black hole. It sucked.
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CatsCreepMeowt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
🚨︎ report
Why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied?

Because Batman has sworn to protect goth ham

πŸ‘︎ 352
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
🚨︎ report
Do black and white count as colors?

It's a gray area.

πŸ‘︎ 280
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Who_GNU
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
I wasn't expecting to be diagnosed as colour blind.

It really came out of the purple.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
How do you find Will Smith in a snow storm?

You look for fresh prints

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheHibernian
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
🚨︎ report
Have you heard of Kodak Black

He seems to have his moments

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Beatlesfan196450
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09
🚨︎ report
The Nietzsche from The Black Lagoon.
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
🚨︎ report
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, β€œWhat happened before The Big Bang?”

He said, β€œSorry. There is no Time.”

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
🚨︎ report
Black eyed P’s
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Geekbabe2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
I was rewatching Black Panther last week and it struck me. Andy Serkis and Martin Freeman

are 'Tolkien White Guys' in the movie

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gp_11
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between the police response to Black Lives Matter protests and their response to the Capitol Hill riots?

Well, it’s black and white.

πŸ‘︎ 84
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thisDiff
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
I have very fond memories of my dad arriving home, wearing his white t-shirt, black leather jacket, giving me the thumbs up, and saying 'Ayyyy'...

...happy days!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kublakhan1977
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
A Bishop's Twitter Post
πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealAjmera
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What is a cow's favorite place to go to?

The MOO-vie theater...

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brady01234
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03
🚨︎ report
I just beat a black belt at karate....

My next challenge is a green sock.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29
🚨︎ report
A son enthusiastically asks his father will he teach him how to gamble on the black market

The Father responds with: β€œYou bet your ass!”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Geb69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10
🚨︎ report
The black spiderman
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/anon_outlaw
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Moscow is the capital of black holes...

...because everything is Rushin' to them.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CatsCreepMeowt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
My black belt friend had to put lifts in his shoes...

...adding insoles to ninjary.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/i4mb4tm4n
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
Whats black and deadly and sits on rooftops

A crow with a machine gun

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AusSpyder
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
I've got a black belt!

I like it, leather with a nice buckle.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fuzzy-chin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
What is the fruit that is green on the outside and red with black seeds on the inside, the name start with an H

Half a watermelon

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
My friend Patrick is black,white,and Asian at the same time.

Patrick the Panda.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rhshi14
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
I've removed all the black keys from my piano

Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gell0us
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the Cows return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

Edit: Thank you for the awards.

I was expecting this to go noticed like most of my other posts. You peeps rock!

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TrikkWikkid5150
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
Not one of my illegitimate kids sent me a birthday card....

Bastards.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
🚨︎ report
A rare black tiger is spotted in India

Everywhere else it has stripes.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NathanielleS
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Biracial people prove that not everything is black and white.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SonoHannabira
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A robber breaks into a bank

When he arrives he sees the security guard at his desk, sobbing

β€œI c-can’t believe the boss forgot my b-b-birthday”

Seeing this opportunity, the thief sneaks round to the back steals the security codes and goes to access the vault.

Unfortunately for the thief, the head of the bank was busy giving a tour to some possible investors and is at the vault.

Upon seeing the thief (who is stupidly dressed in horizontal black and white stripes) he exclaims, β€œHOW DID YOU GET PAST MY SECURITY!!?!”

To which the thief replies, β€œYou let your guard down”

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheNewMadMan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
🚨︎ report
What's black and white and ruled in Rome?

Julius Zebra

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
I think Black Holes are the most successful kleptomaniacs around...

Nothing they grab is ever returned.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/THOT_Patroller-13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
It doesn't matter if you're black or white, or gay or straight

At the end of the day, it's night.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Speedypanda4
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a white penguin and a black penguin?

A white penguin is coming towards you, while a black penguin is walking away from you.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call finding cheap eyeballs on the black market

Ideal

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dickfingersjr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Black Betty had a car accident

Bambulance

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I got into a fight with my Mexican neighbor and he started to make train noises while holding a gun

He said "I'm going to choo choo"

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
🚨︎ report
Which animal has the biggest breasts

A zebra

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeke_Smith
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pig with a black belt?

Pork Chop

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rdubdanger
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
People don't believe me when I tell them I'm the lead singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band....

Well I am.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the black bean say to the white bean?

"Hey dude, how've you bean?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moralTortilla
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What is black, white and red all over?

A penguin in a blender.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ur-main-man-gabe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied?

Because Batman has sworn to protect goth ham.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/meggieveggie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.