corvidae red-billed chough
π︎ 11
π
︎ May 06 2020
I saw a program billed as " LeeAnn Rimes with Cher.
Then I thought to myself no, it doesn't.
π︎ 41
π
︎ Mar 03 2019
Billed to be a social uprising
π︎ 157
π
︎ Oct 13 2017
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.
So I sent him a "get well soon" card.
π︎ 74
π
︎ Feb 14 2021
Elon Musk and Bill Gates teamed up and created an erectile dysfunction pill.
π︎ 63
π
︎ Feb 13 2021
My landlord texted saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied back: βSure, my door is always open.β
π︎ 21k
π
︎ Oct 27 2020
I just spoke with Bill Withers and told him "Ain't No Sunshine" is poor grammar.
He said "I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know..."
π︎ 132
π
︎ Jan 23 2021
What do you call a wreath made of $100 bills?
π︎ 600
π
︎ Dec 29 2020
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills?
π︎ 43
π
︎ Feb 05 2021
My grandson was taken to the hospital because he swallowed a $5 bill
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 13 2021
My son wanted to glue $20 bills to his belt
I told him that would just be a waist of money
π︎ 25
π
︎ Jan 21 2021
Is bill gate a bill-ionaire?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 24 2021
The genie asked, "Whatβs your first wish?" Steve replied, "I wish I was rich!" The genie nodded and said, "Whatβs your second wish?"
Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"
π︎ 17k
π
︎ Dec 22 2020
A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck.
He orders a drink, and asks for the check.
Duck billed platypus.
Edit: Thanks guys.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Nov 07 2020
A man who had just died was delivered to the mortuary wearing a beautiful black suit.
The mortician asked the deceasedβs wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit heβs already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says βI donβt care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.β The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, βwhatever this costs Iβm very satisfied, you did an excellent job and Iβm incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?β To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says βthereβs no charge.β Shocked she replies βno really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.β βHonestly maβamβ, the mortician says, βit costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.β
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Jan 07 2021
I make Christmas wreaths for a living. So I decided I would make one out of 100 dollar bills the other day.
I call it a wreath of Franklin.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Dec 09 2020
My friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldnβt afford the bill.
He really got a head of himself.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
Bill Burr Baggins
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 12 2020
Opened the electric bill and the Wife can't understand why i'm on the floor laughing.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
What do you call a belt made of $100 bills?
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Jun 23 2020
Why is Bill Clinton playing the Saxophone now trending on YouTube?
Itβs because of the Al Gore Rhythm.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 02 2021
BR EAK ING NE WS....'Bill Gates has agreed to pay for the finishing of Trumps Wall."
(on the condition he gets to install Windows in it)
π︎ 10
π
︎ Nov 24 2020
I was working in our store when my son called me over and said, βTwo guys came in and tried to give me some fake fifty dollar bills.β I asked. βWhat did they look like?β He replied...
βFifty dollar bills.β
π︎ 55
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
What do you call a girl who refuses to pay her bills?
Burnadebt
(Just thought of this and I gotta admit...I'm a little bit proud of myself.)
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Jun 13 2020
Paying bills is hard.
Some would call it taxing.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Dec 10 2020
I had a priest perform an exorcism for my house, but I never paid the bill....
π︎ 231
π
︎ Oct 06 2020
I found a $20 bill in the parking lot of the grocery store. I asked myself, what would Jesus do?
So I turned it into wine.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Oct 19 2020
I still believe Bill Clinton's Vice President invented the internet
Why else would we use Al-Gore-Rhythms?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 29 2020
A big bear goes into a bar and slaps down a $20 bill and says to the bartender,"give me a gin and................tonic"
The bartender replies, "Why the big paws?"
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 15 2020
When I have expensive medical bills -
Does that mean I had a valuable experience?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 17 2020
I just found out that Bill Nye is just a stage name.
His real name is William New Yearβs Eve.
π︎ 177
π
︎ Aug 20 2020
My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't support Trump.
π︎ 19k
π
︎ Oct 11 2020
Bill Clinton's VP could have won in 2000 if he had found the right flowchart
But he just wasn't using the right Al Gore-ithm
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 30 2020
My friend just can't afford to pay his huge water bill...
I've sent him a Get Well Soon card.
π︎ 57
π
︎ Jan 22 2021
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill
So I sent him a "get well soon" card
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Sep 07 2020
My friend said that he couldn't afford to pay his huge water bill....
So, I sent him a 'Get Well Soon' card.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Nov 11 2020
I told Bill Withers, βAinβt No Sunshine is a double negative. Thatβs bad grammar.β
He said, βI know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know...β
π︎ 9
π
︎ Feb 10 2021
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?
π︎ 656
π
︎ Nov 22 2020
My friend in the country couldnβt afford his water bill...
So I sent him a βGet Well Soon!β card.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Jul 07 2020
What do you call a wreath made of $100 bills?
π︎ 24
π
︎ Dec 26 2020
What do you call a Christmas decoration made out off $100 bills?
π︎ 44
π
︎ Dec 23 2020
What do you call a wreath of $100 bills?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 25 2020
What do you call a wreath made of $100 bills?
π︎ 26
π
︎ Dec 24 2020
What do you call a Christmas wreath made of $100 bills?
π︎ 37
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
My friend couldnβt afford to pay his water bill.
I sent him a βget well soonβ card.
π︎ 230
π
︎ Sep 07 2020
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?
π︎ 16
π
︎ Nov 24 2020
What do you call a Christmas decoration made of $100 bills that can play R&B hits?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 17 2020
What do you call a belt made out of $100 bills
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 18 2020
My self-centered friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldn't afford the bill.
He really got a head of himself.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Oct 29 2020
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