corvidae red-billed chough
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Heuristick
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a program billed as " LeeAnn Rimes with Cher.

Then I thought to myself no, it doesn't.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Billed to be a social uprising
πŸ‘︎ 157
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πŸ‘€︎ u/myth-ran-dire
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2017
🚨︎ report
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.

So I sent him a "get well soon" card.

πŸ‘︎ 74
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Elon Musk and Bill Gates teamed up and created an erectile dysfunction pill.

It's called Elongates

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PocketPapa22
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
My landlord texted saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is.

I replied back: β€œSure, my door is always open.”

πŸ‘︎ 21k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daudelin1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I just spoke with Bill Withers and told him "Ain't No Sunshine" is poor grammar.

He said "I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know..."

πŸ‘︎ 132
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a wreath made of $100 bills?

Aretha Franklins

πŸ‘︎ 600
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Imnotarobot12764
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills?

Bernadette.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
My grandson was taken to the hospital because he swallowed a $5 bill

So far no change

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
My son wanted to glue $20 bills to his belt

I told him that would just be a waist of money

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phresh_69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Is bill gate a bill-ionaire?
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aspargy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
The genie asked, "What’s your first wish?" Steve replied, "I wish I was rich!" The genie nodded and said, "What’s your second wish?"

Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck.

He orders a drink, and asks for the check.

Duck billed platypus.

Edit: Thanks guys.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A man who had just died was delivered to the mortuary wearing a beautiful black suit.

The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says β€œI don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, β€œwhatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says β€œthere’s no charge.” Shocked she replies β€œno really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” β€œHonestly ma’am”, the mortician says, β€œit costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaladinDanza
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I make Christmas wreaths for a living. So I decided I would make one out of 100 dollar bills the other day.

I call it a wreath of Franklin.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZealousidealRise7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldn’t afford the bill.

He really got a head of himself.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Bill Burr Baggins
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Opened the electric bill and the Wife can't understand why i'm on the floor laughing.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JJJoyce
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a belt made of $100 bills?

A waist of money.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is Bill Clinton playing the Saxophone now trending on YouTube?

It’s because of the Al Gore Rhythm.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/51mwilson
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
BR EAK ING NE WS....'Bill Gates has agreed to pay for the finishing of Trumps Wall."

(on the condition he gets to install Windows in it)

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I was working in our store when my son called me over and said, β€œTwo guys came in and tried to give me some fake fifty dollar bills.” I asked. β€œWhat did they look like?” He replied...

β€œFifty dollar bills.”

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a girl who refuses to pay her bills?

Burnadebt

(Just thought of this and I gotta admit...I'm a little bit proud of myself.)

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zipflop
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Paying bills is hard.

Some would call it taxing.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pokebandit91
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a priest perform an exorcism for my house, but I never paid the bill....

It’s been repossessed

πŸ‘︎ 231
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I found a $20 bill in the parking lot of the grocery store. I asked myself, what would Jesus do?

So I turned it into wine.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I still believe Bill Clinton's Vice President invented the internet

Why else would we use Al-Gore-Rhythms?

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ucbrandon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A big bear goes into a bar and slaps down a $20 bill and says to the bartender,"give me a gin and................tonic"

The bartender replies, "Why the big paws?"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
When I have expensive medical bills -

Does that mean I had a valuable experience?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Plausibl3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I just found out that Bill Nye is just a stage name.

His real name is William New Year’s Eve.

πŸ‘︎ 177
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't support Trump.

I said okay... Bi den.

πŸ‘︎ 19k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nikhillala7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Bill Clinton's VP could have won in 2000 if he had found the right flowchart

But he just wasn't using the right Al Gore-ithm

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrDewinYourMom
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend just can't afford to pay his huge water bill...

I've sent him a Get Well Soon card.

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill

So I sent him a "get well soon" card

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedCakesYT
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend said that he couldn't afford to pay his huge water bill....

So, I sent him a 'Get Well Soon' card.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I told Bill Withers, β€œAin’t No Sunshine is a double negative. That’s bad grammar.”

He said, β€œI know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know...”

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jewyouevenlift
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?

Bernadette.

πŸ‘︎ 656
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend in the country couldn’t afford his water bill...

So I sent him a β€˜Get Well Soon!’ card.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cyberentomology
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a wreath made of $100 bills?

Aretha Franklins

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/larryb78
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Christmas decoration made out off $100 bills?

Aretha Franklins

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/leobloom23
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a wreath of $100 bills?

Aretha Franklin(s).

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Beardth_Degree
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a wreath made of $100 bills?

A wreath of Franklins

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jmar4234
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Christmas wreath made of $100 bills?

A wreath of Franklins

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Da_Brootalz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend couldn’t afford to pay his water bill.

I sent him a β€œget well soon” card.

πŸ‘︎ 230
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?

Bernadette.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Christmas decoration made of $100 bills that can play R&B hits?

Aretha Franklins.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a belt made out of $100 bills

A waist of money!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cmhenrich
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My self-centered friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldn't afford the bill.

He really got a head of himself.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report

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