9 months from now, there will be a baby boom. 13 years later, will give rise to the next generation, known as....

Quaranteens.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
We should have known this year was gonna suck. We were never gonna end the year as winners. The writing was on the wall. At the end of the year, we should have known we'd be facing the truth-

2021

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πŸ‘€︎ u/krigito
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
If Jesus Christ was a dinosaur, would be be known as

Jesus Christosaurus?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deadly_R
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."

"Until the pressure got to him."

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
In ~9 moths, there's going to be a baby boom. These babies will be known as "Coronials" and will grow up to become a quaranteen.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gjgav
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
This deer shall be known as Fawn Miller youtu.be/PLdXmiSOrIE
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Robbie_Robertson
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
If I was a superhero, I would be known as Typo Man.

I write all wrongs.

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My buddy said he will be known as a great football player or die trying.

I told him he had better start planning the funeral because we live in Minnesota: the best you can ever hope for is, "Not Bad".

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/benjamindbrooks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
🚨︎ report
If you find someone who is taking a dump on a boat, would they be known as a

Midshitman?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deadly_R
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Would a lawyer in a wheelchair properly be known as...

Paraplegal?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xavierallen
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2016
🚨︎ report
β€œWould you like to be known on TV as Daniel?”

β€œNo. I prefer Dan, rather.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2018
🚨︎ report
As we sat down for lunch, I proudly announced to my daughter, "Little known fact, the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France!" Unimpressed, she ignored me and kept eating. Not being one to give up, I continued...

"Nope, they were cooked in Greece!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
If Batman was set in Edinburgh…

It wouldn't be known as "Waynescotting", wood it?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
The O.Henry Pun-Off is back β€œON!” - Tongues of puns linger
  • Like all cherished things in this covid-crazy world, the O.Henry Museum’s famous free, family friendly celebration of the wit-in-word will take place virtually in cyberspace this year. With an awesome live cast of lively wits and tortured tongues, the online audience will be treated to all the linguistic twists, dramatic turns, and surprise endings they’ve groan to love. Expect to witness wacky word butchers and voracious verbivores from around the globe, all worming their way into your ears. Tongues of tradition, tension and camaraderie make this the premier event for the world's competitive wordplay community
  • Brought to you this year by the City of Austin, Brush Square Museums Foundation, and co- sponsored by Austin's very own Fantastic Magic Camp, as well as the internationally renowned podcast, Pun Intensive, The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition will commence Saturday, November 21, 2020
  • Preliminary live rounds begin Saturday, November 21, 2020, at 11:00am CST, lasting about 2 hours. Later that evening, live competition resumes at 7:00pm CST with head-to-head prime time heats. - See Pun-Off.com for schedule details, links, and more.

[Austin, TX, November 1, 2020] - Although traditionally held outdoors on a single day in the spring, the first portion 2020 the O. Henry Museum Pun-Off competition known as Punniest of Show was conducted via video in October. Now on Saturday, November 21, 2020, PARD will bring you their most popular second segment, O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition

This free, fun, and family friendly event will take place online this year, but with special twists, turns, and surprise modifications to make it the perfect 2020 event for the world's competitive wordplay community.

The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships have been an Austin institution for 43 years. As usual, the contest will feature a cavalcade of word-class wordsmiths from across the globe, all worming their way into your art. Join and enjoy us as they compete to spontaneously spit out the most absurd words you’ve ever heard.

The event will be live streamed at PunIntensive.com.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bpcombs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Werewolves are notoriously hard to find....

Otherwise they'd be known as Therewolves.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
YouTube, Twitter and Facebook are merging...

They’ll henceforth be known as YouTwitFace.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica? Wonder no more !

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualisticbird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.

The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

"Freeze a jolly good fellow." "Freeze a jolly good fellow."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Will Smith do so?

Will Smith's property (150 acres) is larger than Vatican City (110 acres). Therefore, if he were to do so, it would not be the smallest country.

That day would be known as independence day.

The country would be a Fresh Principality.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheReal_BlueBoi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Harry has decided to go into acting with his wife, Meghan Markle

He’ll be know as The Artist Formerly Known as Prince

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RiderHood
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Eventually everyone will be quarantined to their homes without sports and in 9 months babies will be born.

They will be known as the Coronials

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vapingpigeon94
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I've started a new competitive pun gameshow podcast entitled 'Punnit' and I'm looking for contestants! First two episodes in the comments.

'Punnit' is hosted by myself and played over three rounds. The first two rounds consist of one category (say, Musical Genres & Ailments), with each contestant going in turn and giving their best 5 entries. Such as, HIVy Metal, Honky Tonksillitis, Indiegestion etc.

These two categories are known about a week or so prior so everyone can bring their best (or worst, depending on how you look at it) but the third round is entirely on the spot, with the entrants shouting out whatever they can think of for a category. One of the recent being American Presidents & American States, with OklaBama winning that one.

It's all very much in the early stages but I would appreciate both feedback on the format and people getting in touch if they wanna duke it out.

Here are the episodes: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKJOzYgG9MW7CQHAZQahiqw/videos

Follow us too @thepunpodcast

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PattersonHoodlum
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
A current Dad joke!

All children born within the next year or two will be part of the group known as β€œCoronnials”.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thundapurr
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
🚨︎ report
If Harry decided to take up painting now he’s stepped back from the royal family...

...he would be the artist formerly known as Prince.

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tecfrigo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
🚨︎ report
In this time of crisis I believe it is our duty as a community to make a rapid respons team to help the rest of the world!

We will be known as the rapid respuns

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πŸ‘€︎ u/van_-Dam
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
If a bunch of Swedish guys made up a rock band,

They would be known as 'Sirs Drumming'

Bad joke and pun intended on the infamous Swedish fish

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Escalade1414
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
🚨︎ report
History lesson

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TibtibThePrincess
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Qatar has been announced as the hosts for the Olympics 581 years from now.

It’ll be known as the Qatari 2600

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Proudie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
🚨︎ report
There's a little known country in central Europe that is ruled by a monarchy...

Not many people are aware of its existence but I assure that it is there all the same. The king of this little land faces a lot of difficulty. He wants to make his kingdom into a sovereign nation but unfortunately they do not have the infrastructure, population, or economy to do so. In fact, this small state is only known for a single export. Thanks to their proximity to some of the finest gold and other metals in the world but total lack of an ability to process those metals on a mass scale, they have been left with only one option. You know the saying; when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Make lemonade they did. This tiny territory is renowned for creating the highest quality watches in the world. No expense is spared and their elite group of craftsmen train for their entire lives from childhood to produce these terrific timepieces. Men of great wealth and taste have been known to trade entire fortunes for just a single one of these watches; that is how valuable they are.

The king knows this and he knows that only a small portion of his populace can ever hope to become one of the respected elite, let alone hold one of their masterpieces in their own hands. Being a very just and fair man, the king ordered the most senior watchmaker in the land to create something the likes of which had never been seen. A watch of such great craftsmanship so as to be above monetary value. The man labored long and hard for many nights to produce the king's watch. When he at last presented the completed work to his lord - in front of the entire nation, no less - he was met with thunderous applause and a warm embrace. He had done it! The king then made a shocking announcement.

"This masterpiece belongs to my people!"

When the roaring of the crowd died down he continued.

"This watch shall be a symbol of my love for all of you. Though I rule over you with supreme authority I do not wish a single one of you to feel that you do not have a voice in the ruling of this nation. From this day on let anyone who doubts my decisions or questions my judgment wear this watch and stand as my equal to voice their concerns. Should even a single one of you think me unfair or wrong in any matter then simply come to my castle and I will present you this token of good faith."

The king made good on his word and from that day on all citizens knew they held the right to challenge their king's rulings. Over time the watch became a symbol of fairness throughout the land. Anyone who wore it

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2016
🚨︎ report
Condoleezza Rice is retiring from public life and is downsizing.

From now on, she will be known as Apartmentleezza Rice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Who wears the pants

Just before his son got married, Dad decides it’s time to, have the talk. He says β€œ Son, 30 years ago when I married your mother. I knew I had to let it be known, who wears the pants in this family, and as soon as we got home, I took off my pants and tossed them to her to put on. To which she replied” I can’t wear your pants.” I told her β€œ That’s right and don’t you ever forget it.” Son decided to follow that advice because, his mom and dad have had an amazing marriage.... So,as soon as he and is new bride crossed the threshold. He sends her to the bed, takes his paints off, and tosses them to her. As if planned she says” I can’t wear your pants”. To which his reply wasβ€œ That’s right and don’t you forget it.” As if turned on, she pulls her panties down really slow and then tosses them to him to put on. To which he replied β€œI can’t get in your panties.” And the new bride boldly said β€œ and if you don’t change your attitude... You never will.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/12know2
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
🚨︎ report
A short collection of fresh puns.

Most of this is my own work, if not, it was inspired by something clever!
I hope this will tickle your funnybone and produce a jolly good set of laughs.

A guy didn't register that the wet paint signs about the handrail was still drying, his hand immediately stuck to the rail. My only response to him was, well you see there, it's an application problem, not hardware.

A researcher's obsession with mixing sand, stones, lime and water has started to yield concrete results.

Eyeglass makers who profit well can frame their success.

Joe: I gave the backyard squirrels Christmas presents!
Abby: Are you nuts?
Joe: No, that's what I gave them...

What did the supervisor at the tortilla factory say at the end of a long workday?
That's a wrap!

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. (Insp)

People who don't answer the phone sometimes miss their calling in life.

His words were heavy, but his friends didn't get the gravity of the situation.

Time flies like crazy!
Fruit flies like apples!

Never let logic and reasoning get in the way of telling a good story. (Sounds like something that would be said on TopGear/Grand Tour)

There are a few words that will open many doors for you in life - Push and Pull (Insp)

Somehow people really don't like it when I throw lamps at them to encourage them to lighten up.
Same goes for tossing handles for when they need to get a grip or soap for cleaning up their act.

When you're on the ballot for the water council and they have a runoff election.

Ghosts speak latin, it's a dead language (Insp)

If you work at a grocery, send the interns down to the meat market to get some red herrings.

There was a river in Egypt that no one believed existed, it was known locally as De-Nile.

Bad luck Brian - Invests in uranium, profits decay.

There was an explosion at the film manufacturing company, reporters say the story is still developing.

Why do bagpipers walk around?
To get away from the noise (Insp)

Most people have a six-figure income, just the decimal point is in the wrong place.

It has recently been discovered that scientific research causes cancer in rats.

In Russia, the term road has had a controversial meaning for a very long time.

In Canada/Russia, you put things in the fridge to warm them up.

Did you know that the creator of Barbie was named Barbara Dahl?

Doc: There's something not q

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2017
🚨︎ report
Collection of dadness

I am not a dad at the moment, but I've learned the art of pretty clever puns in college. Some are mine, some are spins on inspirations, others are more on the joke side of dad.

What does a radioactive cat have?
18 half-lives

Ventriloquists are like psychiatrists, they both talk through things.

What is my vision?
To make the world 10% better?
No, it's about 20/20...

The invention of the shovel was truly a groundbreaking discovery.

Dad: I invested in some uranium, but I lost money.
Friend: What happened?
Dad: The Profit decayed.

We have received a report of a hole being discovered in the ground, our investigative team is looking into it.

There was an explosion at a local film manufacturing company, the story is still developing as we speak.

A local theater put together an act about jokes.
It was a play on words

SΓΈ, I hΓͺΓ‘rd yΓΆΕ« lΓ¬kΓ« fΓΆrΓ©igΓ± aΓ§Δ‡Δ“Ε„tΕ‘

As an airline mechanic would say, the job has lots of ups and downs.

My New Years resolution will probably be 25 megapixels, or 4K, not sure yet...

There was a river in Egypt no one believed existed, it was known locally as De-Nile.

Dad-Epitaph:
I thought I'd never live to see this day come.

There are two things that are guaranteed to open doors in life.
Push and Pull!

(How to keep an idiot in suspense)
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

A man builds robotic snakes for a living, I guess you could say he was a... python programmer!

A researcher's obsession with mixing stone, sand, lime, and water has yielded concrete results.

A madman once attacked a rider on his horse.
The rider had to goto hospital, the horse remains in stable condition.

A man bought a paper shop, it blew away in the wind last night.

Science is all about learning the rules, setting off an absurd amount of explosives, and then writing down what happened.

It has recently been discovered that scientific research causes cancer in rats.

Dad: Did you pick up your room?
Kid: No, I tried but it's too heavy.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2018
🚨︎ report
John the Baptist

John the Baptist of Biblical fame used to walk through the desert in his bare feet. This left his feet tough, which is understandable- the hot sand and rough terrain would leave anyone's feet tough. He was known to receive signs from God and occasionally perform mystical feats. He subsisted on a diet of locusts and honey. Without access to dental hygiene at the time, this left him with somewhat bad breath. It also left him frail, as the diet wasn't varied and would have required an immense intake of food to be remotely sustained.

I guess that you could say that he was a super-callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/edpeters1
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
🚨︎ report
(Advice) What are some squirrel puns...need ideas for retirement party?

One of our support staff is retiring. She's been with us for about 10 years. She is known as "squirrel", her nickname from high school.

What are some puns I can use? I plan to have several small squirrel figures holding "signs" wishing her a happy journey, but want to be creative. This will be for a small room with food, cake, coffee, and good company.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2015
🚨︎ report
I want to move to Australia and become a small business lender.

I'll be known as the Funder from Down Under.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rezthepinnacle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2017
🚨︎ report
As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."

"Until the pressure got to him."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."

"Until the pressure got to him."

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
🚨︎ report
If I was a superhero, I would be known as Typo Man.

I write all the wrongs.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Warsong53
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England...

In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York . This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. The Mexican people loved Mayonnaise so much and this loss was so devastating that the Mexican people declared a National day of Mourning which happens every year on the day the shipment was supposed to arrive. This day of course is May 5th or more commonly known as Sinko de Mayo.

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucy_dogg90210
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2017
🚨︎ report

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