After reading this you might be an aware-wolf
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/straight-boomin
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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**** PLEASE BE AWARE ****

We ordered a Chinese last from a local place in downtown (we won't name them) went to pick it up and as I was driving home, heard the bags rustling and moving!!!

I thought what on earth is that? Has something got in the bag? I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out.

I was driving so pulled over, I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the chili beef.

I thought its got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down ...

And there it was ...

A Peeking Duck

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/createsean
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
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When the first device with AI takes a picture of itself, it'll be selfie aware.
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/clit_or_us
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 14 2018
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Those Kuwaitis never seem to be aware of anything that's going on in the news...

...it's like they live under Iraq.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BlackSpinXM
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 21 2017
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Shout-out to all my self-aware beings out there.

You know who you are!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/--Giraffe--
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevorโ€™s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevorsโ€™s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevorโ€™s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasnโ€™t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

โ€œWellโ€ said Jeff, โ€œAs Iโ€™m sure you know the convention comes to town laterโ€.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

โ€œYes of courseโ€ replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ShredderSte
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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There's a little known country in central Europe that is ruled by a monarchy...

Not many people are aware of its existence but I assure that it is there all the same. The king of this little land faces a lot of difficulty. He wants to make his kingdom into a sovereign nation but unfortunately they do not have the infrastructure, population, or economy to do so. In fact, this small state is only known for a single export. Thanks to their proximity to some of the finest gold and other metals in the world but total lack of an ability to process those metals on a mass scale, they have been left with only one option. You know the saying; when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Make lemonade they did. This tiny territory is renowned for creating the highest quality watches in the world. No expense is spared and their elite group of craftsmen train for their entire lives from childhood to produce these terrific timepieces. Men of great wealth and taste have been known to trade entire fortunes for just a single one of these watches; that is how valuable they are.

The king knows this and he knows that only a small portion of his populace can ever hope to become one of the respected elite, let alone hold one of their masterpieces in their own hands. Being a very just and fair man, the king ordered the most senior watchmaker in the land to create something the likes of which had never been seen. A watch of such great craftsmanship so as to be above monetary value. The man labored long and hard for many nights to produce the king's watch. When he at last presented the completed work to his lord - in front of the entire nation, no less - he was met with thunderous applause and a warm embrace. He had done it! The king then made a shocking announcement.

"This masterpiece belongs to my people!"

When the roaring of the crowd died down he continued.

"This watch shall be a symbol of my love for all of you. Though I rule over you with supreme authority I do not wish a single one of you to feel that you do not have a voice in the ruling of this nation. From this day on let anyone who doubts my decisions or questions my judgment wear this watch and stand as my equal to voice their concerns. Should even a single one of you think me unfair or wrong in any matter then simply come to my castle and I will present you this token of good faith."

The king made good on his word and from that day on all citizens knew they held the right to challenge their king's rulings. Over time the watch became a symbol of fairness throughout the land. Anyone who wore it

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 06 2016
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Listen now to the story of the two brothers Hing and Ming

Listen now to the story of the two brothers Hing and Ming. Each was devoted to the search for ultimate wisdom, but they differed greatly on how it was to be found. One day their pet chicken fell ill, began to molt, and soon lost all of its feathers! The brothers decided that this would be an ideal test case and agreed to each spend two months trying to cure the chicken. Hing immediately went back to the university. Having boned up on ornithology and traditional Chinese medicine, he decided that the answer was a prescription of gum-tree leaf tea. He gathered bushels of the tea leaves, brewed gallons of the tea, and poured it into the chicken for the two months.

Meanwhile, Ming traveled all around China, praying at the shrines of his ancestors. One night he had a dream. His ancestors appeared and told him to feed the chicken tea made from gum-tree leaves!!!

Ming, aware of his brotherโ€™s lack of success, decided that the problem was quantity. He gathered whole CARTLOADS of leaves, and brewed BARRELS of the tea, and poured them into the chicken for the two months. At the end of the time, the poor chicken was still as naked as a bowling ball.

Moral: All of Hingโ€™s courses, and all of Mingโ€™s kin; couldnโ€™t make gum tea re-feather a hen!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Maimonides_vii
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
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Every time my dad and I are in a car.

Every time I'm driving somewhere with my dad and we pass a field he will yell "hay!" And catch me off guard. I'll instantly be aware and start looking around. "What?!?" He'll respond, "Just a hay field."

And say nothing else.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Crab_Daddy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 02 2015
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Request for puns about CF

My best friend has cystic fibrosis and we are doing a walk to raise awareness. We are trying to come up with a team name and I thought maybe a pun would be fun! Thanks!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ktron24
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 11 2016
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My mum has worse jokes than my dad...

Having dinner at the local pub when my mum asks what my girlfriend is currently doing at uni. I told her she's been collecting sticks for an art installation assignment: Me: "She's gonna look like a weirdo catching the train into the CBD." Mum: "Yeah, people are gonna be going up to her and telling her she's a faggot."

"Faggot" means a bundle of sticks, for those who aren't aware.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Clarrington
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 30 2014
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Andre Ware

Last night I got my wife to giggle just a bit with this one. We were watching the Super Bowl and I noted that

They should really be aware of where Ware is at all times. He can wear out an offensive line.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Theeclat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 09 2016
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My girlfriend was cooking...

I was assisting her and she said, "cumin?"

I, not being a dad that I'm aware of, said, "nobody's at the door!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TapTapBam
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 17 2013
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The first of what I'm sure are to be many front-page worthy posts... Such are the jokes of my dad.

Ok so my Dad was helping me move into my new uni accommodation last month and in the process we had to carry a lot of heavy boxes up my rather steep stairs.

Understandably, being a man in his 50's, he was a little bit worn out after lugging several metre-by-metre crates up to my room, generally full of heavy electrical equipment and books. After letting out a deep sigh he exhaled - 'Crikey, this is like the Great Stairs Crisis of 1965!'.

To my knowledge, or indeed to anyone else's knowledge (including my dad's), so such crisis ever occurred. I just hope he didn't hear my housemate sniggering in his room downstairs*; he does love a good dad joke.

*Ironically I've noticed that laughing at Dad jokes tends to make said Dad more depressed than when you don't, since they're usually fully aware of how bad their joke is and laughing at it only serves to remind them of the fact that people are actually paying attention to the regrettable nonsense which often leaves their mouths.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PantuTheDog
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 08 2013
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Warning!

Be aware We ordered a Chinese takeaway from a local place (I won't name them) I went to pick it up last night and as I was driving home, I heard the bags rustling and moving!!WTF??!!! I thought what the hell is that. Has something got in the bag, I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out at me. I was driving so I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the prawn crackers, I thought its got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down ... And there it was ... ... A Peeking Duck!!!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Weedwacker01
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Be vigilant

I hate to do this about a local business but feel you deserve to know. ๐Ÿ˜•

** Be aware **

We ordered a Chinese takeaway from a local place (I'm not going to name them) I'd just been to pick it up and as I were driving home, I heard the bags rustling and moving!!! I thought what the hell is that? Has something got in the bag? I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out

I was driving so I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the prawn crackers!

I thought its got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down ...

And there it was ...

... A Peeking Duck!!!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/beanieboombaby
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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