I asked my daughter if she had taken a bath yet and sarcastically she says yeah, so I tell her to take another one.
π︎ 28
π
︎ May 20 2021
Two monkeys were sitting in a bath.
The first monkey said "Ooh ahh ooh ooh ahh ooh!"
The second monkey replied "Well, add more cold water."
π︎ 35
π
︎ May 14 2021
Have you taken a bath lately?
Why is there one missing?
π︎ 13
π
︎ May 27 2021
Itβs illegal to sell stocks from inside a bath of sparkling apple juice
Because that would be in cider trading
π︎ 89
π
︎ Apr 10 2021
I've always heard that it's hard to give cats baths
But I tried it and it was wonderful! My cat LOVED it! And it was fun for me too!
The fur stuck to my tongue a little bit, but overall, I recommend it!
π︎ 8
π
︎ May 19 2021
Special moment: giving my sun his first bath.
π︎ 231
π
︎ Jan 22 2021
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
π︎ 17k
π
︎ Sep 15 2020
I took a bath
And I was promptly removed from the hardware store premises.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 21 2021
Where do French criminals take baths?
π︎ 63
π
︎ Feb 11 2021
What sound does a bath bomb make?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 12 2021
I gave the dog a bath today and the wife noticed how soft she was and asked βDid you condition her?β
So I said βyeah, I rang a bell and then fed herβ
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 14 2021
Dialysis is a blood bath.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
My doctor told me to drink two bottles of red wine after a hot bath...
But I canβt even finish drinking the hot bath
π︎ 18
π
︎ Feb 26 2021
My wife came home from work stressed out from her day. I asked her how I could help, she asked me to draw her a bath.
I showed her the drawing I made, she replied βthat wasnβt really what I had pictured...β
π︎ 14
π
︎ Feb 27 2021
There were 2 monkeys sitting in the bath...
One says to the other: 'oooooo eeeeee oooooo aaaaa'
The other says: 'put the cold tap on then!'
π︎ 12
π
︎ Feb 21 2021
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
π︎ 42
π
︎ Dec 05 2020
I just dropped my phone in the bath
π︎ 391
π
︎ Sep 08 2020
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her bath. She then got mad at me!!
Some people are so ungrateful. I used an entire pencil adding details to it and everything :(
[Just thought of this. I'm pretty happy with myself right now.]
π︎ 35
π
︎ Nov 15 2020
I was alone in the bath
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
π︎ 83
π
︎ Oct 05 2020
I gave the cat a bath last week..
I still can't taste anything
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jan 08 2021
How does the moon take a bath?
π︎ 29
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
What's the difference between a bath tub and an alligator?
(Dad waits for the common response: "I don't know, what?")
Then I'd advice you to never take a bath.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 22 2020
I'd like to plug my wife's attempt to cross the Atlantic in a bath tub.
But it's too late....she sank.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 25 2020
How did the Italian wife tell her husband he needed a bath?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 23 2020
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 27 2020
My wife asked me to give the cat a bath today while she was at work
My tongue is soo sore right now.
π︎ 81
π
︎ Jun 25 2020
Archimedes took a bath and then said "Eureka!"
When I smell myself, I say "You reek-a!" and then take a bath.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 20 2020
Two monkeys are sat in the bath. One says "oooh oooh aah aah"
The other says "well put some more cold in then"
π︎ 9
π
︎ Sep 23 2020
The doctor insisted I take a milk bath, so I asked her if it need to be pasteurized...
She said no, just above the knees.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Aug 05 2020
Two monkeys in a bath one said ohh ohh ahh ahh and the other one said
Ok ok I will put some cold in then
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jul 17 2020
Had a really tough day today. I figured you would appreciate that my wife suggested I peruse r/dad jokes while she drew me a relaxing bath.
I asked her if it was going to be full color or just a sketch.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jul 29 2020
My wife had a hard day at work, so I drew her a warm bath...
She didn't really seem to appreciate the sketch but it went on the fridge anyway...
Edit: I thunk up a better punchline.
π︎ 60
π
︎ Apr 09 2020
My daughter asked me if I can make her a bath
Iβve never built a bath before, can someone help me with plumbing it in?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 03 2020
A German friend of mine actually installed a bath around his desk !?..
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 07 2020
I read you can buy half a pillowcase down at Bed Bath and Beyond!
Turns out it was a total sham
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jul 26 2020
Why do ghosts avoid Bed Bath and Beyond after eating Taco Bell?
They donβt want to get the sheets!
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 19 2020
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
π︎ 105
π
︎ Jan 10 2020
What's the best kinda bath bomb
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 31 2020
Told my son to go take a bath. He said no.
π︎ 47
π
︎ Nov 08 2019
What do you call a terrorist in the bath
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 09 2020
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
π︎ 590
π
︎ Jan 12 2021
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
π︎ 85
π
︎ Feb 20 2021
What do you call James Bond taking a bath ?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Mar 16 2021
What do you call james bond taking a bath?
π︎ 32
π
︎ Jan 05 2021
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
π︎ 30
π
︎ Sep 21 2020
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one sayβs βooh ooh aah ooh aahβ
The second one sayβs βwell put some cold water in it thenβ
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jun 28 2020
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...
...but I can't even finish drinking the hot bath...
π︎ 607
π
︎ Jan 27 2019
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