Help with puns including bartending, coctails and alcohol in general!
Hey guys: Like the tittle says I'm looking for puns that involve bartending etc. The shorter the better. I'm an aspiring bartender myself and the only stuff I could think was something to the effect of "Raising the bar" but nothing concrete sofar.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend
but he kept asking her for another shot.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the paper towel?"
The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!"
An anteater walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Can I get you a drink?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "How about something to eat?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "What about some peanuts?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"
Frazzled, the bartender cries, "What's with the long no's!?"
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says why the long face...
The horse not being able to comprehend the language shits on the floor and leaves
I ordered a beer and the bartender said "Sorry, I only have root beer."
So I had him put it in a square glass.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "You are in here a lot, do you think you have a drinking problem?"
The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.
This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by René Descartes.
But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gases"
A bartender walks into a bar
A woman walks into a bar, and asks the bartender for a "Double Entendre".
Why was the Native American bartender fired?
He kept charging $24 for a Manhattan
Grizzly bear walks into a bar. Says to the bartender "i'll have a whiskey..................on the rocks, please" bartender asks "whats with the big pause?"
Grizzly looks perplexed and replies "Ive had them all my life"
A string goes into a bar, the bartender asks: "Would you like a drink"?
String: "I'm a frayed knot."
Two extraordinarily large horses were sitting at the bar having a beer. Guy walks in and says to the bartender. "Hey, what's with the Clydesdales?" Bartender says,
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says says, “Get out. We don’t serve rope in here.” So the rope goes out, cuts itself in two before tying the two sections together. It then pulls out a comb and combs its ends. The rope then walks back into the bar.
The bartender says, “Hey! Aren’t you the rope that I just threw out?”
The rope replied, “No. I’m a frayed knot.”
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club"
I'm going to be a bartender
Guys named Bart, watch out.
Q: Why would Eminem make a horrible bartender?
A: Whenever you try and order a round he says, “You only get one shot.”
A guy walks into a bar with a dog and the bartender says "No pets allowed!"
The guy says "This isn't a pet, he's my friend and he can talk."
The bartender is skeptical and demands the guy proves it.
The guy asks the dog "What's the opposite of 'soft'?" The dog replies "Rough!"
The bartender remains skeptical and asks for more proof.
The guy asks the dog "What do people put over the top of their house?" The dog replies "Roof!"
The bartender gets annoyed and gives the guy one more chance.
The guy asks the dog "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time? Babe......" The dog replies "Ruth!"
The bartender is fed up and throws them out. The dog says "Should I have said 'Lou Gehrig?'"
Why did the bartender get fired?
A horse walks into a bar and sits at a stool near the bartender. The bartender goes "Hi Horse, what can I get for you today?"
The horse looks at the bartender and says "Hey"
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says “Wow, I’ve never served a weasel before. What can I get you?”
A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey! We don't serve your kind here!"
The mushroom replies, "Why not?! I'm a fun guy!"
He then goes on to say "The name's Gus, and all my friends call me Fun Gus"
A big bear goes into a bar and slaps down a $20 bill and says to the bartender,"give me a gin and................tonic"
The bartender replies, "Why the big paws?"
A lady walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a double entendre
Turkey walks into a bar. The bartender looks a little confused and asks "who are you?" Turkey replied "I'm a wild turkey." Bartender replied "oh we have a drink named after you!"
Turkey says "blulululu awesome, bring me a Kevin!"
If you ask your bartender for a recommendation...
...does that make them your Spirit Guide?
From childhood, I knew i was destined to be a bartender
Why is the bartender always motivated?
They hear everyone say, "That's the spirit!"
Bono and the Edge walk into a bar. The bartender says...
Oh no, not you two again.
What did the bartender say to his date?
A Roman Soldier caught the Bartender's eye and gave him the two fingers sign..
" Five beers coming up " said the Bartender.
A pirate with a ship’s wheel in his pants walks into a bar. The bartender can’t help but ask about it.
The pirate replies, “Arrgh, it’s driving me nuts!”
Bear walks into a bar. Bartender says - “what’ll you have?” Bear says “I’ll have a beer......... and...................... um.............. a bourbon.” Bartender says “alright. Say what’s with the big pause?”
Bear says “oh these? I was born with em.”
A pirate walk into a bar
The bartender comes to him and says 'you look different now, is anything wrong'
Pirate: 'Oh nothing'
'What about your leg, where did it go'
'I boarded a ship, slipped and it got eaten by a shark'
'What about the hook, where did the hand go'
'I lost it in a heated swordfight'
'Then how did you get the eyepatch'
'I was cleaning the deck and a bird pooped in it'
'That doesn't make any sense, how can you get an eyepatch from a bird pooping in your eye'
'It was my first day with the hook'
A bear walks into a bar and says "I want a gin.........and tonic." Bartender asks "why the big pause?"
Bear: holds up paws "cuz I'm a bear"
An anteater walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Can I get you a drink?"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"
"How about something to eat?"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"
"What about some peanuts?"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"
Frazzled, the bartender cries, "What's with the long no's!?"
The anteater replies, "I was born with it!"
Rope walks into the bar. Bartender says, Sorry we don’t serve ropes here. Rope walks out, messes himself up, ties himself in a knot, and walks back into the bar. Bartender asked if he’s a rope!
Rope replies I’m a frayed knot.
i want to be a bartender
guys named bart, you better watch out
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend
but he kept asking her for another shot.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but...
.
.
.
He kept asking for another shot.
A hotdog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender replies, "Sorry, we dont serve food here".
The bartender says, "we don't serve time travelers here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
Bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "One whiskey and ................... one coke.
"Why the big pause?" - says the bartender.
"I don't know. I was born with them" - says the bear.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get for you?
"
"Pop," goes the weasel.
What did the bar say to the Bartender?
A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender "how much?"
The bartender replies "For you? No charge."
A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, I haven't seen your kind here before! What'll you have?"
The bartender says "Sorry we don't serve time travelers"
Two time travelers walk into a bar
The bartender says, “we don’t serve time travelers in here!”
A time traveler walks into a bar.
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